Episode 39

Releasing the Trauma Our Bodies Carry

9 39

Releasing the Trauma Our Bodies Carry

Show Notes

How many of us were told to “live with it”? Barb Varcl Smith wasn’t having that. Diagnosed with CFS at 17, she was told “learn to live like this.” Instead, she dove into mind-body healing, defied chronic illness, and met every skeptic’s “impossible” with her own recovery. You’ll hear how suppressed childhood fear becomes physical pain, why fibromyalgia is a red flag—not a death sentence, and how reconnecting with your core self can flip pain on its head. This is for the exhausted, the doubting, the relentless survivors: there is a way back to you. And no, it’s not just “managing” the ache—it’s dismantling it.

💥 What We Talk About:

  • Why “live with it” is a shit policy.
  • CFS, fibromyalgia & CPTSD through the trauma lens.
  • The Five Pillars: Inner Strength, Self-Love, Knowledge, Purpose, Intuition.
  • How suppressed needs become body pain, rage, numbness, heartbreak.
  • “Trauma-responsive programming” that stops suicidal spirals.
  • Why healing isn’t slow—it’s fast when you hit the right triggers.

🔗 How to Connect with the Episode Guest:

Barb Varcl Smith’s info will be in the episode description—link to her trauma work, programs, and website. Reachable to anyone looking to dismantle their pain fortress.

📞 If You’re in Crisis:

If you're in North America, text 988 for free, 24/7 support.

Elsewhere? Please reach out to your local suicide prevention or mental health hotline. #YouMatter.

**💬 Subscribe, rate, and share if this episode moved you. It could be the lifeline someone else didn’t know they needed. #ConverSAVEtions

Bio

Barb Varcl Smith is a therapist, educator, and trauma specialist with over 30 years of experience in human behaviour and emotional wellness. She is dedicated to helping individuals heal from CPTSD, overcome emotional trauma, and break free from generational cycles of pain.

Barb’s work is rooted in a trauma-informed, neuroscience-backed approach that empowers individuals to recognize patterns, process past experiences, and build emotional resilience.

She specializes in working with men, women, and young adults, providing compassionate support and practical strategies for lasting recovery.

Her programs Trauma Response Reprogramming, Your Steps of Ascendance and Complex PTSD Blueprint helping individuals, groups and other mental health professionals change understand of trauma and bring powerful change to life without trauma.

Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All website

©2025-2018 Elaine Lindsay SZF42.com All rights reserved.

https://suicide-zen-forgiveness.captivate.fm/episode/releasing-the-trauma-our-bodies-carry

Elaine Lindsay

Explicit

Transcript
Theme Song:

When moving forward seems too much.

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When you feel.

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Totally out of touch.

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Hope is seeping out the door.

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You find yourself curled on the floor.

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The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

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Why is this praying?

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So darkly obsessed.

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I have secrets I've never confessed,

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haven't told the soul.

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I depressed.

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A gentle whisper through the.

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Hold on tight.

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Your hope will return shining bright.

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Embrace the past in forgiveness.

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Peace will last

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you

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are not alone.

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Reach out.

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Let your strength be shown.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Hello.

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Hello.

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It's good to be back.

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I'm Elaine Lindsay This is

Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

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Today we have a guest who

is in my home country, which

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absolutely thrills me today.

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My guest, Barb Varcl Smith.

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She is a therapist, an educator, an

advocate for mental wellbeing and

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complex trauma recovery specialist.

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Wow.

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That's a whole lot to unpack and it

is right up our alley because it's

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all things that you and I deal with.

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Thank you for joining me, Barb.

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Thank you for having me.

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Barb Varcl Smith: Nice to meet you, Elaine

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's

really good to be here and I'm

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going to get us to dive right in.

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You can let us know a little bit

about who you are and what you do,

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and then we'll get into the why you

do it and what it can do for others.

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Barb Varcl Smith: Okay, so who you are and

what I'm doing, I still, to some level the

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same thing because I am trauma therapist.

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I'm working with different

modalities, mainly with hypnotherapy,

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but also with my own modalities,

which I've developed over years.

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And a reason why I am developing,

why doing it, and I'm teaching

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them to other people, how to help

people is because when I was 17, I

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left in a nervous amount of pain.

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I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue

syndrome or me maybe known in America.

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In that time it was one of the new

diagnosis and practically it was saying

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by the doctors, we know that you have pain

and you are exhausted to level of dying,

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but we don't know what to do with that.

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And I was told to learn to live with that.

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And it's impossible.

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If your daily achievement is get

to the toilet and, I was lucky.

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I have to say I see it as miracle

that I met the people who start

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teaching me actually that it's

about the mind, not about the body.

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And I learn how the, our mindset

and what's happened to us as

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children affecting our body.

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And I was able to get

out of it completely.

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Since then, I start learning

everything I could about that.

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Start helping people alongside my day

job and just try to find solution and

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that spreading some, spreading that.

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It's all, not all, but it

is all about our mindset.

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It's all about on that

level, we don't know.

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And it's about the people often saying

oh, it's gonna be about mindset,

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because even like I I'm driving, I'm

positive, I'm trying to be, I have pain.

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But pain, it's messenger if it's,

and physical pain is just messenger

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of the mental pain when we don't

listen to that little nagging of

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our mind to do something with that.

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And quite often people don't even

realize how much that was affected

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by their childhood or teenage

years and how much they suppress.

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How much they normalize and

start thinking that it was okay,

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what was happening to them.

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Until we look at that and they realize

that it wasn't okay and it wasn't fine,

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or that they know even that it wasn't

fine, but that a lot of people living in

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that or you need to learn to live with

that, or you need to learn to manage it or

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you need to take some medication for it.

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But they again and again, getting to

the point of realization that it's.

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Impossible that it's so tiring

that it's so exhausting and painful

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and lonely and they don't know

how to connect with other people.

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They don't feel safe to connect with

other people and they just cannot.

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Going on that spiral down over all

effort, they put into getting better.

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I know that this possible to change.

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I'm changing it with my clients.

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I change it for myself, and I'm changing

it with my clients daily and it's why

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I'm advocate for mental health before.

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It's really about that realization

that it's possible to get out of it

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and that we don't have to believe.

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We are told that it's not possible that

you have to learn to live with that.

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That if you have panic attacks, you

supposed to learn to manage them.

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Or if you have the pain, you should

take the painkillers that it's actually

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possible to switch it off and live

happily and content and joyful life.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It all

sounds absolutely wonderful and I can

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say from my own perspective, I have

learned through a spiritual advisor

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about meditation and ways to handle

your pain that don't involve medication,

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that don't involve just sucking it

up and putting up with it because.

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I understand from someone who's also

into a great deal of neurophysiology

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and how the brain works.

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That pain changes you.

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Pain changes everything about you

mentally, physically, emotionally.

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It can make you a

totally different person.

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And I know in my case, we all saw that.

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It's unfortunate that the

Western style of medicine is

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all about, take all these drugs.

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Okay, here, this is gonna fix you.

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Oh, it didn't fix you.

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Oh, then you're stuck with it.

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There's no happy medium,

there's no alternates.

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It's one or the other.

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And the whole concept, I think

of saying to someone, oh,

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just live with it is horrific.

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Like I can't imagine telling someone,

I can't imagine being told because

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I have been over and over again.

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And that the fact that you got out

of your pain and we're able to turn

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around this me, which I understand is.

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Absolutely debilitating.

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I know you also deal with fibromyalgia.

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I know you deal with C-P-T-S-D.

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And I can honestly say, and I know

there's an awful lot of people like

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me, I assume PTSD and C-P-T-S-D

had to do with the military.

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Because that is the context

in which I heard the term.

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And when someone, yeah.

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Oh, it's okay.

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Okay.

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I'll cut that little piece out.

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Let's just, this,

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I only heard those, sorry.

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I'm in a meeting.

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Call you later.

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I'm sorry.

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It's okay, hun.

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Okay.

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Oh, I thought I hit the off button.

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My bad.

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Okay.

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10.

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10.

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Okay.

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I only heard this in

terms of the military.

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So when a medical person told me.

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That in all likelihood I had C-P-T-S-D.

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I said sorry, wrong person.

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Never been in the military.

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My father was military, not me.

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And they said it's not

just about the military.

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And I was really quite surprised.

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I was surprised to the point that I

did not follow up with them because

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it just seemed too farfetched.

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I now know that I was once again wrong.

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I do that a lot.

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Yeah.

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But in terms of fibromyalgia, me,

C-P-T-S-D, they all go back to childhood.

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Barb Varcl Smith: They all go back

to childhood because actually complex

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PTSD adds a result of childhood

trauma and, have much more, it's

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like complex PS because it's much

more effect on our day-to-day life.

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That P-T-S-D-P-T-S-D itself, it's

triggered by one off event and, but.

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That event actually also relating

also something in the background.

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For example, people believe I should

be strong and I was weak or wisely.

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In the military, it's very often about a

moral injury, about I didn't save somebody

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or my survival gift and stuff like that.

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So that's a different but

complex PT it's created from.

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Several repeating small or big, but quite

a lot like this even, which happened to

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our life and it's actually created when

the needs of the children are not met.

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And a lot of people think that

childhood trauma, it's linked to

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the big events parents taking drugs

or beating up or sexual assault.

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But actually complex

PTSD can be developed.

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And as you mentioned, for example,

that your father was in the army,

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it's quite often children of the army

personnel have complex PTSD because

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they subconsciously living in the

fear that parent will not come back.

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That they living with that

not having that parent there.

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So it's all on one, on another parent.

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So practically growing up with single

parents, and that's, I just gotta stop

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: you because

my father would never forgive me.

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He was in the Air Force.

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Not the army.

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Okay.

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Our force.

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Sorry.

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Sure.

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I'm sorry.

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It's such a death, but I'm just

thinking I lost him in March

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this year and I just, yeah.

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Would not want to offend his soul

by putting him in the wrong context.

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But yeah, in terms of that when I grew up

I understand our life was very chaotic,

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partly because of what my father did.

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In the Air Force, but also because my aunt

came to Canada with us and she had a very

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complex health history and was very ill.

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And it became part of our life to the

extent that if the phone rang after

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supper, my mother would go into panic.

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And that I now know that is

not a normal way to live.

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My father and I would end up having

to drive for five hours each way

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to go to where my aunt was from us.

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And that happened with

alarming regularity.

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Barb Varcl Smith: Yeah.

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Childhood trauma, as you said

it's, the reasons are many.

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It can be.

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Relative, which is ill, it's gonna be

sibling, it's gonna be bereavement.

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Very underestimated that people think

that children managing well with the,

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bereavement in family, but very often

they don't and they just are masking.

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Yeah, so sometimes it's also

overprotecting or too much

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expectation from children.

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Too much pressure on them.

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Divorce of a movement, poverty,

it's, the list is actually very long.

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What causing the childhood trauma?

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Currently we about 80% of population

suffering with childhood trauma.

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And those who develop the symptoms of

complex PTSD as insomnia, panic attacks

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anxiousness not ability to publicly speak

up, for example, showing us the changing

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the jobs, changing the partners or living

in the, what we call phone syndrome.

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People please are just like trying

to do to the level of exhaustion and.

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For example, we calling fibromyalgia.

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Don't take it better.

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We call it the Marty Syndrome

because it's, if you look the

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fibromyalgia, it's affecting in 85%.

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It's a woman are diagnosed

with fibromyalgia.

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And when we look on.

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The lifestyle of that women, it's

very often that they over any pain of

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everything they're doing for others,

they don't taking care of themself.

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They are priority minus thousands.

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And that, they don't even know what they

need because they don't very often not

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even admitting that they have any needs.

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And that's coming from

that phone trauma response.

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So when we resolve the trauma that pain

just disappearing because it's not needs

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to be the pain coming as the big red

light on the road signs saying, just stop.

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Theme Song: Just

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Barb Varcl Smith: stop.

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Yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: There

was a test they used to do.

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In different like sales areas

and different things, cognitive

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or intelligence type tests.

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And one of the tests was

in order of importance.

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List the 10 people in your life

that, that are most important.

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And I, like many people, I wasn't even on

the list, never occurred to me and more

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pe, more and more people that I talked to,

and you're right, a lot of them are women.

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What do you mean I should be on the list?

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Why would I be on the list?

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But it's like the people say

in the airplane, when the mask

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falls, put it on yourself first.

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I used to think, oh my

God, that's so selfish.

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What about, what about everybody else?

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Until somebody said if you're comatose,

you're not helping anybody else.

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It's oh my God, I totally

lost sight of that.

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Yeah, everything you're

saying is, hitting hard.

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Barb Varcl Smith: Yeah.

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But it's about that, that we need to

understand how our mind really works.

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Yeah.

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So we have what I call in

the five pillars of self.

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We have the five functional part

of our mind, which are born with.

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And they developing, but when they

are not working they not working.

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So then it's that meaning that we

are, that this balance, that body

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is not working in balance and we

living as the, on the rocking boat.

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But if they all working

they balancing each other.

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So our life becomes smoother.

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And these five pillars of self,

it's inner strength, self love.

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Knowledge, purpose, and intuition and

what's happening during childhood.

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When our myths are not met, we

start suppressing that inner

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strength and inner strength.

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Is that.

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Feeling that we know who we are.

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That feeling that we saying no

to the things which we don't

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like, that feeling safe, that we

know where our boundaries are.

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And I, very often when I'm working

with people, I, we start speaking about

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boundaries and very buzz word now.

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Keep up your boundaries.

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And most of people would say no, I

actually don't know where they are.

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Is it, I don't know what it is.

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Yeah.

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And that's actually sign away that their

mind, it's not in the right position.

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So what I actually do with people

that we like really repositioning

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this part of mine because that

inner strength is very powerful.

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And it's working with the anger, but

we are afraid of the anger because we,

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joining the anger with the aggression

with hurting somebody we not under.

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Also, people don't understand

that anger is very healthy in

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the way if it's the right way.

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Expressed, and the right way to

expressed is do it in the time

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when it happened to the situation.

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But when can you see the small child

start fighting against the parent?

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They will not.

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Is it.

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So they start suppressing.

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Yeah.

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Every time when you were little and

didn't want to go on that five hour

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trip, you would go, you would suppress

it and you would go, because your

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parents say so and because you know

that you cannot survive without them.

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So that's starting, creating that

freeze and phone response from

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trauma responses because they

are taught, they are learning.

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We are not born with them.

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We are learning.

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We learning them and the Ingram

are describing us the ninth on

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the white horse with the sword.

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It's a very powerful energy

and he's supposed to running

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around us like protector.

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Yeah.

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So can you imagine that you're trying

to hold inside your view the stallion

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with the knight, with the sword?

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Is what causing that pain because we

suppressing something which is actually,

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we attacking ourself from inside.

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And it's why fibromyalgia, aroma,

rar multiple sclerosis and others

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are called autoimmune disorders

because they are caused by auto.

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When we actually attacking ourself inside.

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But in the moment when we actually

released that night, we led him to

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be where he's supposed to be, to feel

that energy and work with that energy.

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Then we realized that we stop

hurting ourself and our body have an

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enormous recovery functions and just

regrow to the healthy version of us.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

That's incredible.

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It all it all makes so much sense

because right from Victor Frankl's book,

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he says you have the final say.

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You have choice, and

that choice gives you.

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I think that sort of the last word,

you can choose whether or not you will

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allow things to stay in you or whether

you'll accept the help and change it.

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But also that our bodies.

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Our bodies want to heal, they

want to be at their optimum.

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And they will try even

when we are fighting them.

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Or it, however you look at it.

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And it's, it is fascinating to

me I, that played out in my life.

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Because they slit my throat and diverted

my esophagus out my neck and within six

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weeks it was trying to repair itself.

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They didn't put it back together

for seven months, but it was

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already trying to go together.

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And I found that really

fascinating because to me that

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meant that our bodies have.

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An awful lot more power than

we give them credit for.

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Barb Varcl Smith: That

is the paradox of trauma.

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Yeah.

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Which people sometimes don't understand.

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Is that actually more symptoms you have,

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that's actually mean that

your mind is stronger.

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So people who has the very strong.

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Trauma responses, people who do

develop the autoimmune disorders,

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it's actually that enormous effort

of the mind to get rid of it, to

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solve it, to expel it, because our

body are absolutely fascinating.

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But the one things they are not

designed to have, it's storing emotions.

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And when we, as the

children start suppressing.

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We start storing, and it

started with headaches.

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It started with the children has

start to having the running nose

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start to have the chest infection.

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Then you can start having

nauseous and then it start.

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We, if we keep suppressing, we

just spreading them through the

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body, through the different form

of nervous on the nerve, on the

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soft tissues to the heart issues.

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As I saying, it's all starting with the

dummy, with pacifiers, when we giving

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the children the dummy, which is correct.

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Name is pacifier.

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Yeah.

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What's mean?

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Pacify.

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It's mean bluntly.

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Say we telling the children Shut up.

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Yeah.

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I don't want to hear that you are hungry.

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I don't want to hear that you are tired.

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I don't want to hear that you are scared.

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I don't want to hear that.

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That you are ex what?

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Whatever.

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It's cold, too hot, thirsty,

hungry, basic needs.

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I'm not surprised.

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We just telling them just

I don't want to hear it.

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It's wrong.

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You're not supposed to

express what you need.

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You're not supposed to express who.

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And then we go into school and we

telling them, sit on the chair and wear

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the uniform and don't express who you

are and don't express your opinion.

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Like just answer the questions.

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You're, or parents start saying You

need to be obedient, but obedience

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is wrong because obedience,

not building mental health.

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Obedient, destroying the

person's personality instead of.

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Teaching them responsibility,

which just mean be who you are, but

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this is, how the world's working.

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So it's not really surprising that we

have so many people with the trauma

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and then we have effect of the global

elements as wars or economic crisis

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and poverty and stuff like that, which

causing generational trauma that we

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have it after second war, for example,

in, in Europe when parents was.

372

:

Harsh on their children

in the way I survive.

373

:

Nothing happening to you.

374

:

Look how my life was hard and don't

pick up what you don't want to eat.

375

:

You will eat what I'm giving you.

376

:

It was everywhere in the

world in some period of time.

377

:

And that's affecting, and

it's creating another level.

378

:

But yeah, they were traumatized.

379

:

They passing in on their

children and they passing on

380

:

their children by their actions.

381

:

But people getting to that point that

they don't believe that they can be

382

:

helped and that is that moment when

they choosing, that it will be better

383

:

to leave topic of this podcast.

384

:

It's about, suicide prevention and, but

it's because people still are told that

385

:

they cannot be held and there is no

chance to get outta pain or lower it.

386

:

There is no change.

387

:

Chance to get better from not having

the angry outburst and have the rage.

388

:

Which they worry that they

will injure their families.

389

:

Like I working with a lot of men which

coming with that, that, wise saying if

390

:

you're not changing, I'm divorcing you.

391

:

And they saying but I,

I cannot control it.

392

:

I don't know why I'm so angry.

393

:

But when we look at that

one, they are angry because.

394

:

Their childhood wasn't as supposed to be.

395

:

Yeah.

396

:

They just manifesting more one

trauma, which is fight compared

397

:

to the women, which more often

manifesting the phone or freeze.

398

:

When we start looking at that, actually

usually the both parts are traumatized.

399

:

So like women with the people

pleaser syndrome ending with the

400

:

men who has the anger issues.

401

:

But actually both are because they

was both traumatized as the children.

402

:

So

403

:

very important is that

it's possible to change it.

404

:

And even if people feel it like,

oh, it's cannot be so easy,

405

:

it's actually is in the end.

406

:

Because when we really know what

needs to happen in our mind, we can

407

:

very ly go there and change that and.

408

:

I am, I'm working with people who

attempt or thinking about suicide.

409

:

I'm actually a point of refer for

many other therapists to sending

410

:

to me the people with this.

411

:

And usually like after one

session I work with them.

412

:

They never had the thoughts again

because yeah, it's take time another,

413

:

work few months to get fully out

of things and, start a happy life.

414

:

But.

415

:

They unload that heaviness.

416

:

Then when we put things back in places

and they actually start seeing reality.

417

:

So they start seeing, okay, now I'm here.

418

:

Okay, I need to do things.

419

:

But there is that light

on the end of the tunnel.

420

:

I feel lighter, I am able to cope

with life or pain lowered or gone.

421

:

So it's important for

people to understand that.

422

:

Yeah.

423

:

Many things doesn't work with That's true.

424

:

But the what I doing trauma responsive

programming and which are teaching

425

:

other people how to do that.

426

:

It does work and has very, IM quick

and huge impact on, on, on life.

427

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: You're

talking about life changing.

428

:

You're not talking about

making it manageable.

429

:

I'm talking about getting rid of it.

430

:

Yes.

431

:

Okay.

432

:

Like to me, that's already

let's get going on this.

433

:

Oh my lord.

434

:

Because I don't know too many people that

really wanna hang on to all that pain.

435

:

I really don't.

436

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Yeah I know

that for some people, feel.

437

:

It's need courage to ask for

help, and it needs courage to

438

:

be willing to face the demons.

439

:

As a lot of people would say

that, but it's worth it because,

440

:

we not supposed to live in pain.

441

:

We not supposed to live in desperation

or sleepless nights, nightmares

442

:

and panic attacks and loneliness.

443

:

We are social, we are connective,

we are loving and compassionate.

444

:

We are purposeful.

445

:

But people feel, for example,

that they would have some purpose.

446

:

They feel that they would want to

do something but not getting there.

447

:

Not, and then it's not working for them.

448

:

And the reason is also that because they

are not set yet properly in their inner

449

:

strength, it's not in place if their

self-love is not in place, they purpose,

450

:

maybe they feel it, but they are not

able to take the steps to fulfill it or.

451

:

A lot of people would say,

no, I know what to do.

452

:

So their knowledge, it's fine, but

the knowledge needs to be changed to

453

:

the wisdom and vis wisdom is like how

I will apply my knowledge in my life.

454

:

But we cannot be wise and turn

into the wisdom if our self-love

455

:

not working because the self-love

saying what is good for us?

456

:

When that inner carer would

say no, this will work for you.

457

:

This is good for you.

458

:

And that also cannot work when

our intuition doesn't work right.

459

:

But our intuition cannot work.

460

:

What is good for me, what

I like, what I don't like?

461

:

If if we are afraid because then we

just living on the fight and flight

462

:

response, like trying to survive.

463

:

So under we are living in survival mode,

then all these other things are so hard

464

:

and so hard to achieve them and feeling

oh, I start a hundred times business.

465

:

I start so many relationships

that didn't work.

466

:

I start so many attempts or I would rather

be lonely because I getting rejected.

467

:

I would rather.

468

:

Not advance in career

because it's not working.

469

:

And so people start giving up.

470

:

But when we just put these

five things back in place, they

471

:

will realize wow, it's working.

472

:

Wow.

473

:

Like how is possible?

474

:

And they are so surprised and it

is why doing it because it's so

475

:

amazing to watching people in these

aha moments and how their life

476

:

changing to completely different.

477

:

Different experience.

478

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

You've totally blown my mind.

479

:

Now I have a question.

480

:

When we decide we are gonna go to the

gym, we're gonna go three times a week.

481

:

We're going to, we're

gonna do it religiously.

482

:

Everybody signs up in January and

by the second week of January,

483

:

80% of them have stopped.

484

:

Because our brains, our lizard, ba brain

specifically wants to keep us safe.

485

:

And it tends to quantify

safe as status quo.

486

:

So that means nothing changes.

487

:

You may not like where you are,

but the brain has decided this

488

:

is, you're good right here.

489

:

You're not dying.

490

:

There's no saber tooth tires.

491

:

We're gonna keep you right here.

492

:

You can decide to diet or stop

smoking or stop drinking or start

493

:

exercising or walking or whatever.

494

:

And the brain will do everything

humanly possible and then

495

:

some to make that not happen.

496

:

Now the reason I know so much

about that is my spiritual advisor

497

:

tried to explain that to us.

498

:

And when I first started working

with this lady in the early

499

:

two thousands, I didn't sleep.

500

:

I couldn't sleep.

501

:

I was on a ridiculous amount of drugs

and all kinds of things, and I found

502

:

that I could trick my brain into thinking

I was gonna change something, and

503

:

immediately it would put me to sleep.

504

:

Because I couldn't be changing

anything when I was asleep.

505

:

And for me it was heaven.

506

:

It was the first time in more than

20 odd years I had slept overnight.

507

:

And I thought, oh, this is wonderful.

508

:

Sadly, the brain catches on.

509

:

You can't do it for long.

510

:

But how do these five.

511

:

Key things that you do, how does that

get past that kind of programming?

512

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Oh, the very

important thing is to understand

513

:

that this, what we call this brain it

shouldn't be in charge all the time.

514

:

Yeah.

515

:

So when it is on, on, on over

time, it's, when we call it that

516

:

we are living in the survival mode.

517

:

And that it switch on in

childhood when we start surviving.

518

:

Yeah.

519

:

But in the moment when we put ourself

to that inner organization of safety,

520

:

we switching it off we, and it's.

521

:

We can see it on even MRI.

522

:

We can see it on how our body change.

523

:

The posture of people will change.

524

:

Our tension in the muscles will change

in the moment when we reinstate that

525

:

feeling of safety inside, because that

fight and flight response, this survival

526

:

like only, keeping you safe should come.

527

:

To, to running.

528

:

Only when you know we

are crossing the street.

529

:

Fine.

530

:

Be aware when the tiger is near to

you, not often happening or when you

531

:

are doing something challenging, but

what it's supposed to do is that like

532

:

when you are under attack, when you are

somewhere in dangerous situation, yeah.

533

:

It'll should kick in and

make you fight or fly.

534

:

Yeah.

535

:

But when the children needs to surprise

the reaction of fight and flight,

536

:

then it's switching on all the time.

537

:

Yeah.

538

:

Okay.

539

:

Okay.

540

:

And children need switching on

because fight and flight are

541

:

about get out of situation.

542

:

You fight it off or you

flight it off, you run away.

543

:

The children cannot do that.

544

:

They have to stay in that situation.

545

:

Ah.

546

:

So they learn freeze or phone.

547

:

I call it the rabbit syndrome because

the rabbits actually can learn all these

548

:

reacting in all four responses and.

549

:

When we switch it off, we realize that

you can sitting and have no response

550

:

like you're drinking your coffee.

551

:

Why?

552

:

You should be in the survival mode.

553

:

Like you want to learn French.

554

:

Why should we like trigger

your survival mode?

555

:

Why if you go to gym, why it

should trigger your survival mode.

556

:

Yeah.

557

:

It's not supposed to be on all the

time and we can switch it off and

558

:

when we switch it off, then it start

working because then our self lab

559

:

would say oh, you need to go to

gym because you want to be healthy.

560

:

And you go inner strength

would say yeah, let's do it.

561

:

Let's take it slowly.

562

:

Let's look around, let's explore a few

more gyms where we feel comfortable, where

563

:

we like it, we don't like it, oh, maybe

you get personal coach if I'm not sure,

564

:

because then we get to do learning mode.

565

:

When we living in the survival mode, in

survival, we not learning in survival, we

566

:

surviving we grabbing, we not choosing.

567

:

It's also reason why so many people

have learning difficulties to focus

568

:

in the school or they just anxiety

about exams or have struggle to focus

569

:

or feel overwhelmed because, yeah,

survival mode versus learning, it's

570

:

actually not really working together.

571

:

But also, it's a reason why so many

people now are diagnosed with A DHD,

572

:

but they don't really have the A DHD.

573

:

They just living in that survival mode.

574

:

And again, when we switch it off,

they will realize that they can focus.

575

:

They are able to follow the structures

and just realize that we are all unique.

576

:

And all need to find

the way how we function.

577

:

And it's not same for everybody, but

our little brain or our survival mode

578

:

not supposed to be on all the time, and

it's possible to switch it off because,

579

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: and it's

funny because I've used this analogy

580

:

before, unlike the animals, okay,

zebras and antelopes and what have you.

581

:

They have one of them who is on alert

watching for the lions and what have you.

582

:

And they see a lion.

583

:

They all run like hell.

584

:

And then when they stop, you can see

a shimmy go through the whole animal,

585

:

every animal shimmies from head to

tail because they're not suppressing

586

:

the emotion, they're letting it go.

587

:

They're no longer in survival mode.

588

:

They're just chewing their cut,

doing what they're supposed to do.

589

:

The one person or the one

animal is looking out for them.

590

:

And the rest of them

are doing their thing.

591

:

Yeah, that, that makes so much more sense.

592

:

'cause I understand it in relation to us.

593

:

And that being stuck in survival mode, it

resonates so much, and that makes so much

594

:

sense for all the pieces to fall in place.

595

:

Oh my God.

596

:

Okay,

597

:

we're gonna start wrapping up

here, but what I have to say

598

:

right off the bat, and I know the

audience is probably with me here.

599

:

Can I have you back, please?

600

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Yes.

601

:

I would happy to come again,

602

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: the, I think you

have so much more to offer us because I

603

:

really think I've heard a lot of theories.

604

:

I've heard a lot of, I've worked

with spiritual mentors, I've worked

605

:

with all kinds of, I've been a

Guinea pig for western medicine.

606

:

This is the one thing that stitches it all

together and actually makes sense to me

607

:

and wow, like I am just vibrating.

608

:

This is so exciting, Barb.

609

:

I am just blown away and I

want to tell you audience.

610

:

You'll have all the links and everything

else to reach Barb below, but if you have

611

:

questions, just send them to me because

we are definitely gonna have Barb back.

612

:

I think you have tons and tons

that we can unpack with you.

613

:

God, it is just fascinating.

614

:

So four people who.

615

:

Or maybe wanna investigate a little

more before they get in touch with you.

616

:

What would you suggest?

617

:

What is it that, that we can do?

618

:

Knowing this little bit about

what you can offer, what can a

619

:

person do in the meantime to start

themselves on a road to improvement?

620

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Oh, I know that

people will see that it's can be

621

:

pointless, but journaling in the way

of self-reflection every evening.

622

:

Sit down and write, how

did you feel that day?

623

:

Because we tend to.

624

:

Very negatively think about ourself

and criticize ourself inside

625

:

when we are in survival mode.

626

:

So just write down how

did you actually feel?

627

:

And then continue with question.

628

:

I feel like this big because.

629

:

Admit yourself, why?

630

:

And then you go again.

631

:

Like for example I feel very anxious

to go to the library because I think

632

:

that people will think that I'm

stupid, that I need to borrow these

633

:

books and I should already know that.

634

:

And I feel stupid.

635

:

Because of when I was in primary

school, the teacher told me

636

:

that I'm not even able to read.

637

:

And I was really very

frightened from that.

638

:

Or I was felt very diminished.

639

:

And I felt diminished because, so at

least three times down to the because

640

:

when people will start uncovering.

641

:

That these emotions they have quite often

are their store emotions and they are not.

642

:

They have nothing to do

with the present moment.

643

:

They're all just bubbling up from past.

644

:

And

645

:

then I would recommend to people this

learn the sentence, it's not me anymore.

646

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, I love that.

647

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Because yeah, it's take

time to release it from the body and mind.

648

:

We can very speed it out with what

I'm doing but when we start letting go

649

:

of this, when we start allowing the,

admitting that emotions, they sometimes

650

:

start bubbling up people, maybe start

crying or be angry and that's good.

651

:

Just do it.

652

:

Allow yourself to do that and remind

yourself that now you are adult.

653

:

So you are capable, you are

skilled, you are knowledgeable.

654

:

You learn a lot of during

your life and some maybe the

655

:

little inquisition of yourself.

656

:

What did you actually all

learn through your life?

657

:

Whatever you do did achieve during

your life without that criticism

658

:

that it wasn't so much, it wasn't so

perfect, just state the facts, even.

659

:

Get married.

660

:

Amazing.

661

:

Did you have children success?

662

:

Did you work amazing?

663

:

Start turning this switch, start

switching off that negative criticism

664

:

about ourselves because then we actually

can allow that feelings come up.

665

:

And when we allow that,

it start lighting up.

666

:

Lighting up.

667

:

And it's okay to cry and

it's okay to be angry.

668

:

I recommending people to go into the

rage rooms if they can, if they're

669

:

and now are almost in every city.

670

:

And just start allowing yourself

to get it out or go to the empty

671

:

space, to the nature and start

screaming because we are so taught.

672

:

To be quiet and not express

how we feel and that.

673

:

So just that.

674

:

Start screaming for no reason.

675

:

Just start screaming.

676

:

You will realize how lighter you

feel afterwards because whatever

677

:

happened to you in childhood, when

you start suppressing, you did start

678

:

suppressing anger because anger

coming every time when we are afraid.

679

:

Since caught since baby

carrier, you probably start.

680

:

Holding on some anger and it feels so

liberating when we start getting it out.

681

:

Wow.

682

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

This is all so brilliant.

683

:

Oh my God.

684

:

And you've developed like

a program of your own.

685

:

Yeah.

686

:

Which I think is absolutely incredible.

687

:

Again, you'll see her

website right below us.

688

:

There, there is so much to unpack

here and I'm sure that you are

689

:

humming just the way I am right now.

690

:

'cause there's all kinds of things

going through my head and I don't

691

:

have complaints about my childhood.

692

:

I didn't have.

693

:

Okay.

694

:

Like I love my parents.

695

:

I love my mother.

696

:

I adore my father.

697

:

I lived with my grandmother, my

aunt, my mother, and my father.

698

:

When we first came to Canada until

I was five years old, I had all

699

:

those adults I could pick from.

700

:

But I can see how things that,

you know, as parents, we.

701

:

We only do what we know.

702

:

We can only, love in the way that

we know how and we can only try

703

:

to do for our children the best we

know and that all that suppression

704

:

inside does not make that easy.

705

:

And God, just the ladder

of generational trauma.

706

:

Oh my God.

707

:

Just think if we all work on this.

708

:

Barb Varcl Smith: Wow, that's I also

cannot say that, when I look back, I do

709

:

see like how my trauma was developed,

but doesn't mean that my parents

710

:

wasn't loving, we had accidents.

711

:

I lived, my parents were dissident,

living in suppression and stuff like that.

712

:

So it's like many different effects.

713

:

My mom had the accident when I

was four, was hospitalized and

714

:

everything, it's about that.

715

:

It's not always what we

expecting that it is.

716

:

But as you mentioned, you move the

countries, so that's a cultural shock.

717

:

You had your grandparents until five, but

you move so you did lost them in some way.

718

:

Like how child Oh yeah.

719

:

Can see it.

720

:

Your father was in Air Force, so

he was probably quite often off

721

:

somewhere subconsciously afraid.

722

:

Will ring the phone or the officers will

come to the doors because you probably see

723

:

it happening to others or witnessing that

some others, children, parents didn't come

724

:

home, because of their military service.

725

:

So it's the things which we

quite often brave it on, and what

726

:

we call, I call it like fifth.

727

:

Trauma response, which is fake resilience.

728

:

And we could spoke the whole, another

topic about fake resilience, but from

729

:

that, it's quite often going, all

these, developing the, what we call

730

:

in the marker syndromes in the body.

731

:

So you learn that, oh, I should

be happy, I should go on and

732

:

it's all fine stuff like that.

733

:

But it doesn't mean that it was

okay in the way how needs was.

734

:

Where covered and you know how

safe you felt all the time.

735

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

736

:

It's so funny because right up until

last year, I would still make a joke

737

:

to my father about how angry I am that

I didn't get a say in leaving my home.

738

:

Okay.

739

:

My heart is still in Edinburgh.

740

:

And as much as.

741

:

It's mostly a joke.

742

:

There's an un undercurrent

there, if I'm really honest,

743

:

that there is anger at the core.

744

:

I didn't get to make that choice.

745

:

And I laugh now because I'm an adult and

I could do what I want now, but it's funny

746

:

how that's something else I've hung on

to for good Lord for a very long time.

747

:

We certainly have so much more to un.

748

:

I cannot thank you enough, Barb

this has, you have been one of

749

:

my favorite episodes, I think.

750

:

I think this is the basis

for an awful lot of help.

751

:

For so many people, so many of our

audience will be able to really look

752

:

at themselves when they were kids

and maybe be able to move forward in

753

:

things that we couldn't until now, and

that, my God, what a gift you offer.

754

:

I I'm gobsmacked.

755

:

I'm absolutely gobsmacked.

756

:

I thank you from the

very bottom of my heart.

757

:

Barb, thank you so much.

758

:

We will have Barb back, I guarantee

you, before the end of this year

759

:

if I have anything to say about it.

760

:

Happy to come.

761

:

Wow.

762

:

So remember, transcript will be below

all the information, all the links, so

763

:

you can reach out to Barb yourselves.

764

:

Again, thank you to our guest, Barb

Varcl Smith, and also make sure you

765

:

make the very most of your today,

every day, and we'll see you next time.

766

:

See you next slide now,

767

:

and we're going to be off now.

768

:

Vioiceover: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

769

:

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

770

:

We appreciate you tuning in.

771

:

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFS

772

:

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

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:

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

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it'd be greatly appreciated.

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Please refer this to a friend you

know who may benefit from the hope

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and inspiration from our guests.

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Suicide Zen Forgiveness was

brought to you by the following

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sponsors, TROOL Social Media.

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The digital integration specialists.

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Let them get your rock in page

one in the search results.

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Canada's keynote, humorous, Judy Croon,

motivational speaker, comedian, author,

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and standup coach at Second City.

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Judy has been involved for over

a decade in the City Street

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Outreach program in Toronto.

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Do you have a story to share?

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Do you know someone you think would

be a great guests silence hero?

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Please go to SZF four two.com

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and for our American listeners,

that's s zf four two.com.

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Thank you for listening

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Shattering Stigma Igniting Hope

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About your host

Profile picture for Elaine Lindsay

Elaine Lindsay

A unique blend of finely tuned chaos with a boatload of compassion. An unfiltered speaker, resilience mentor, and podcast host with 50+ years of lived experience navigating suicidal ideation, Pollyanna’s glad game, trauma, chronic illness, and the power of showing up anyway.

Elaine Lindsay🎤 Speaker | Host | Podcaster | 6x Suicide Loss |@TheDarkPollyanna - Opinionated AF
#Youmatter | Let’s start #ConverSAVEtions