The MentorWell with Chris Coulter

Speaker: 00:00:11

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Suicide, then

forgiveness, shadowing, stigma, igniting,

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and

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stigma.

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We talk about the hard stuff

because asking for help should

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be as easy as ordering a coffee.

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Here we share real stories from

those who've lost someone survived

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an attempt, live with ideation or

battle mental health challenges, Why?

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because sharing your burden

can lighten your load

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Please note suicide and forgiveness.

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The podcast is for education only.

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Some of the subject matter could be

triggering for those who are either

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grieving or having mental health problems.

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If you are in North America, you can

text 9 8 8 for immediate support.

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And if you are elsewhere, please reach

out to your local suicide hotline for

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mental health service, you matter.

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My aim is to normalize the

conversation so you feel safe

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enough to speak up and ask for help.

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So now let's start the show.

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Good afternoon.

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I am super excited to be here today

with a returning guest, Chris Coter.

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Thank you so much for coming back.

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Chris Coulter: Thanks

for having me, Elaine.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

I'm so excited because I.

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As much as what we do, there is always

grief and sadness and loss involved.

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Today we are talking about things that

can really help and Chris is going

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to introduce the MentorWell, and I'm

gonna get him to talk all about that.

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Chris has a partner that he's also

gonna tell you about, and when we

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get into it, I'm gonna tell you that.

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Anybody who knows me knows you can't

tell me there's something out there

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that has tools that work without

me bumbling in and trying them.

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And I wanna tell you that one of the

things they have is called Team Speak.

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We'll get to that, but I can tell

you, oh my God, it works wonderfully.

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And with that, Chris,

please, you take the mic.

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Chris Coulter: Thanks, Selene.

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Thanks for having me back, and

thanks for giving me an opportunity

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to share about, about the mentor?

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It's it's exciting.

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It's been a, it's been a year and a

half in the making but it's finally

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launched and we're up and running.

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We just hit a thousand, or we're

over a thousand followers on

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LinkedIn, which is all organic.

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So the one thing that I'm finding that

there is a huge need for this, and

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I thought about this, about a year.

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And a half, two years ago thinking

that there's and a lot of it stems

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from my history and my life experience

of losing my daughter, Maddie.

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At 14 to suicide and for the first

probably six, seven years really, other

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than being able to write about what we

experienced, I really wasn't able to

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move forward with any great progression.

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And then I guess something

happens with grief.

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It.

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All of a sudden it transitions and

transforms from something that's

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really heavy and very terrible to

something that can be very purposeful.

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And for me, it happened around

probably year six or year seven.

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The problem was I had all these amazing

ideas that were coming out of my head.

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As grief tends to manifest

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: with

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Chris Coulter: very little sense of what

makes that could be actually compiled

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into something that actually made sense.

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So I did a lot of crash

and burning early on.

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Great ideas, lots of enthusiasm

really crappy on execution.

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And then I recognized,

okay, you know what?

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I think the next time I'm going to

do this, I'm gonna do it with someone

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who also can help walk me through.

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So almost not really an accountability

partner and I'm self-motivated.

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It's just someone to

bounce ideas off of and.

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Just really sometimes in our own

head, we think things are really

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wonderful, but when you throw it

against the wall and see if it sticks,

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it there's often a lot of flaws and a

lot of holes in it that you discover.

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But I think with the mentor it's been.

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It's something that's so needed

right now for our teens and for

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our young adults who are lacking

direction, who are lacking confidence.

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And the big thing and the huge

differentiator for us is how

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are kids going to acquire?

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The essential tools of emotional

intelligence and I've seen it over the

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course of the last few years just in some

programs that I've been associated with.

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Kids struggle to

understand their emotions.

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They, from a self-awareness and the self.

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Self-regulation perspective and it's

it is, I find it just incredible

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that it has been clearly demonstrated

that EQ is a more accurate

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predictor of one's success than iq.

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Yet schools just constantly

focus on the same curriculum.

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And the scary part is, even though for the

last 30 years we knew the importance of

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emotional intelligence, we the threshold

or the benchmark for intent, emotional

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intelligence hasn't raised in 30 years.

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So that tells us we're not doing enough.

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It really is.

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There's such a huge opportunity

and yet schools don't want

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to venture down that road.

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So we saw this as an opportunity.

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If we're gonna wait for government,

we're gonna wait for the school boards.

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We're gonna be waiting forever.

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So it's gonna take some industrious

people with a lot of passion.

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And some lived experience who are

gonna make this something that's

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viable and address the mental health

crisis that we're in currently.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

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And I just have to put my 2

cents in there because I think

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it's so incredibly important.

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Our feelings, those emotions,

they dictate pretty much

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everything we do and all we are.

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There is no manual.

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No one ever tells you how

to work with those emotions.

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Nobody tells you as a child that

you know all of these emotions.

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They have a very short shelf life.

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If you just allow yourself to flow with

it, it will go away and you can move on.

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Nobody gives us that.

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It's not taught in school, and I think

it's one of the most important things.

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The second thing we're not

taught about our brain, and I'm

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sorry, but we're talking the most

important parts of a human being,

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we get absolutely no training on.

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No.

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So that's part of why I am so excited

about this because it addresses.

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Such a huge problem.

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Chris Coulter: I I agree wholeheartedly,

and I guess when it first was brought

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to my attention about the importance of,

I've always known emotional intelligence

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was important and an essential skill I.

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It was when I was running a

not-for-profit called How are you Feeling?

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Which we taught kids about

emotional intelligence.

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We taught kids about their emotions,

understanding, being able to process and

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understand them so they can deal with it.

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And it was amazing the response we

got when they said that literally

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the program changed their life.

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And when we took, we, they

asked us, listen, what?

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What can we do to advocate

on behalf of your program?

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And we said, just go

talk to your principals.

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Talk to your administrators.

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And they did.

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And they said, you know what?

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We we already have our own program,

but we, it's when a teenage, when

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eight teenage girls in unison tell

me that a program changed their life.

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You listen.

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And I'm sorry.

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I don't care how good your program is,

you better be willing to have a discussion

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and a conversation because, and clearly

when 95% of those students that went

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through our program said that the program

that was being introduced mental health

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programs that were being discussed in

their schools were completely ineffective.

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That kind of tells you something

anyway, that's where I became very

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in tuned with the importance of

understanding one's emotions and it's

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foundational for our kids to be able

to to be able to survive in life.

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Yeah.

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Music: Yeah.

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Chris Coulter: And for parents to be

able to have those same conversations

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is really important as well.

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But the challenge with.

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People go why can't parents

be mentors to their kids?

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And it's because there's too much of

an emotional component that impacts

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the dynamic of the relationship.

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It's also really difficult to say, okay,

a mentor is supposed to walk alongside.

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It's really difficult when you also

control the punitive aspect of the

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relationship, that's where, I think that's

where having a third party, independent

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individual who has had life experiences.

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And the nice part about it is we're

sharing the profiles of the mentors

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so we can match them appropriately.

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And so someone, let's say someone's

going through the LG Q2 T going through

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that whole mindset and understand,

trying to understand it, it must be a

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very, it must be a very crazy thing to

have to deal with in your, on your own.

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If we could match them with a mentor, a

leader who's gone through that process,

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or someone who, let's say they, they're

thinking about becoming a doctor,

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they wanna understand more about it.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Chris Coulter: So we wanna match

professional experience, but also

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lived experience with the mentors.

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So we can actually have some really

meaningful and personal discussions.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah,

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I think that's so important.

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And like you said about

the punitive it's also.

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The control.

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As a parent, you control the

resources, you control the fun stuff.

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You control, the not fun stuff,

not just the punitive you control

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everything, the food, the drink

the clothing, the temperature.

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That is such a,

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such an all encompassing piece.

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I think it would be really

hard for someone to.

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Care, a part of themselves away to

mentor their own child that you are

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not just invested in, but that you

love and you only want the best for.

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And a lot of times that's why parents

get so frustrated because they have

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lived experience and we often don't.

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We're too afraid to share

that with our children.

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Chris Coulter: I think there's

a couple of reasons for that.

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I think one.

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Parents go.

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Parents will often say, oh, you know what?

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We have a great relationship

with our teenager.

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They share everything with us,

and I call them out on it and I

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go, I don't think they call you.

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I don't think they share

everything with you.

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And that is and you want, you wanna have

a resource available to them when times

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get tough and you know what you want.

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Oh, there, there is my, okay.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Alright, so

we're talking about the mentor and what

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it offers in terms of mentors that sort

of what the differences are between the

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mentors and the parental units because

there is that divide for someone who

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is coming to offer their services.

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Their life, their life experience their

expertise, all of those things, no

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matter how close you get, that is still

at one removed from being the parent.

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Yeah, no.

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No matter how you think you can.

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Distance yourself or how you think

you, you have a wonderful relationship.

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You can have a wonderful

relationship, but I guarantee

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you, you don't know everything.

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Okay?

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Your child, there's no way.

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I don't care how good you are.

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That your child will tell you everything.

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Chris Coulter: And that's where we

like to say that, that mentoring

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is a bridge back to parenting.

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Yeah.

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Because you know what

we are, we're the proxy.

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And, but the important thing as well is to

establish trust with your mentee because

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they need safe space and they want to

they're gonna get into some mucky stuff.

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They're gonna wanna make

sure that that things are.

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Just remain confidential.

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And I think that's an important

part about the dynamic as well.

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We have a one, we have a contract

that we enter into with our mentees.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Okay.

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Chris Coulter: And essentially it means

that what we discuss remains between us.

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If they choose to share it with

their parents, that's at their,

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that's their liberty their

disposal to make that decision.

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However, I am not.

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I'm not able to go and talk to the

parent about the only caveat is if I

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feel that there's a safety concern,

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: right?

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Chris Coulter: But we, the

other part about ensuring a

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mentor is not a therapist, it's

not a replacement for therapy.

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It can work nicely in tandem with therapy.

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But the one thing, what we wanna make

sure is that there's not any underlying.

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Mental health challenges, we all

have our mental health challenges.

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We just wanna make sure it's manageable.

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And so we have an evaluation tool that

we are, that we assess where someone is

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and we get almost to about 90% accuracy,

showing where they are relative to sound.

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Health and sound, sound mind.

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So it's been it's great to have that.

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We've been it's funny you

mentioned that teen speak.

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I've had therapists who have actually

said, I am using it and I'm referring

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my clients to it, and I'm going.

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Geez, I'm gonna have to start charging

an hourly rate for this thing.

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But you know what, it's been pretty

it's been it's, is it a little gimmicky?

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Sure it is, but it gives

really good information.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh my God.

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So yeah let's open this up

and explain it for people.

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Okay.

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So first of all, you know I'm a geek.

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Okay.

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I have been.

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Playing with AI basically

since it came out.

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I was doing the machine, large machine

learning before that and this is my world.

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Chris Coulter: I know.

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And so I'm gonna say, I'm

just gonna jump in one second.

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Laine, when you told me, when you

sent me a note this morning saying,

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oh yeah, about teen speak, and

I'm going, I know in my head that.

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Elaine is a tech guru and I'm

going, oh no, what have I done?

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And it's funny, ai, especially some of

these open-ended platforms, they are

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living, breathing organisms, right?

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So you gotta shut them down and

someone could actually go into.

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Team speak.

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And before I went live and I said,

I better make sure someone can't

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ask for all this other information.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Chris Coulter: And so I was

ensure a, we need to put a very

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targeted disclaimer in there.

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Yeah.

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And the other aspect is we better

ensure that yeah this thing doesn't

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disclose our entire business plan to.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: The

interesting thing and people in

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my family have always said, oh

yeah, this is no doubt up my alley.

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'cause I talk like a computer and

they don't necessarily understand me.

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But it seems that chat GPT does, and as

I got into team speak, I could see that

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in setting it up, in programming it,

it does have very specific parameters.

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Which is super important and for

anyone that's concerned, okay, chat,

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GPT and people saying that AI is gonna

take over and what have you, it can

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only give you back the data it's been

given and there has to be a human that

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gave that data in the first place.

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Okay?

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That's how it is in order to.

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Expand on what it's offering and come

back with really valuable information.

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There's a lot that has to go into those

algorithms to be able to, come back with

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beneficial information, and I really

commend you for that because I did a test.

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Now I have grandchildren

of very differing ages.

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From over 30 to eight and both

boys and girls, and they are all

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different types of human beings.

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We have some that, that are

like me, that have a DHD.

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We have some that are.

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Like my aunt and those that went

before me and are absolutely

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brilliant frighteningly.

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And we just have to stop and realize

that every human you deal with,

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everybody in your family, everybody

around you are all different.

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Every single one is different.

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And starting with your chat,

GPT, I'm used to calling mine.

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His name is Merlin, and I had,

I have built him over a very

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long time and he deals with.

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My two businesses and my separate

personality for the podcast and

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understands what those parameters is.

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So I've been writing long involved

prompts for a very long time.

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I went into team speak and tried to figure

out, what was there and I said, I'm going

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to start with one particular grandchild.

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Here are the parameters.

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Here is the age.

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Here is the things that he is

into, and here are my challenges

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being as I am very far away.

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I do not get to see him as much as I want.

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We do have a good relationship.

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All the grandchildren have had the

benefit of me being a video geek.

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Because from the moment they were

born, I was, my face was in their lives

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all the time, and that all of those

pieces together, I wanted to write

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a letter to my 16-year-old grandson

so that he just knows I'm there.

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And yeah, I'm not into everything he does.

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And I do not have the hand-eye

coordination to follow him into

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games, but that I love him anyway,

and I am more than happy to sit and

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listen to whatever he wants to tell me

whenever, but I just need him to know.

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The bottom line is this, I love

you to the depth and breadth.

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My soul is capable.

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And nothing can change that ever.

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And I sent this message

that the bot gave me back.

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: 00:21:55

I tweaked, maybe tweaked about four or

five words, not a lot because I wanted

314

: 00:22:01

to see, and I was fully prepared to

tell him that this is what I used and

315

: 00:22:08

this is why, and I sent it to him.

316

: 00:22:12

And I got back the first sentence

with a crying emoji that said, glam,

317

: 00:22:22

you could make a grown man cry.

318

: 00:22:24

I.

319

: 00:22:29

And I was just blown away.

320

: 00:22:32

And I explained to him what I'd done

because I, I didn't wanna overstep.

321

: 00:22:36

And sometimes just as family, we

push too much or we say too much.

322

: 00:22:41

And he said no.

323

: 00:22:43

And the weirdest thing, it

sounds so much like you oh, okay.

324

: 00:22:49

So we continue to have a chat.

325

: 00:22:51

I haven't used King speak for him again.

326

: 00:22:54

But I put together another one for

another grandchild who I do get to see

327

: 00:23:00

more often who has some challenges.

328

: 00:23:05

One of the biggest being the fact

that he and his brother absolutely

329

: 00:23:11

hate the fact that Glen, as his

father says, has a trucker's mouth.

330

: 00:23:18

And I swear way too much.

331

: 00:23:21

I'm constantly being corrected since

he was little and I try, but as I have

332

: 00:23:27

said to him recently, I am 69 years old.

333

: 00:23:32

It's been a long time coming.

334

: 00:23:34

I cannot change all of me all at once.

335

: 00:23:39

I got a letter from Teen Speak

that not only spoke to that, but

336

: 00:23:45

used a little joke, and in it said.

337

: 00:23:48

I love the heck out of you.

338

: 00:23:50

And in brackets, see, I'm actually trying.

339

: 00:23:57

Those little nuances are those are

the things that are really important

340

: 00:24:03

when you're using an algorithm.

341

: 00:24:07

To craft something because it

has to be able to understand the

342

: 00:24:14

nuances in what you say and they

can when you are very specific.

343

: 00:24:24

And I love the fact that you crafted it to

such a depth that it can understand that.

344

: 00:24:31

One thing I will say, and people

may find this bizarre, I never

345

: 00:24:37

ask for help from chat GPT without

saying please and thank you.

346

: 00:24:42

Chris Coulter: That's a

Canadian thing though, Elaine.

347

: 00:24:44

I do the same thing.

348

: 00:24:46

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah, and it's

not I'm a Brit, so you know that's a Scots

349

: 00:24:50

thing, but we are training them as we go.

350

: 00:24:58

If we want there to be civility

and common courtesy in our world,

351

: 00:25:04

especially now, then we need to

be showing that example each and

352

: 00:25:11

every place where we make our mark.

353

: 00:25:16

And I say that in business, I say

that here, I say it everywhere.

354

: 00:25:22

They are learning from us.

355

: 00:25:25

It be the best of us.

356

: 00:25:27

I.

357

: 00:25:30

Chris Coulter: I'm I'm tickled that

it worked out according to plan.

358

: 00:25:35

So I and you know what?

359

: 00:25:38

It was my first little

foray into building gp.

360

: 00:25:42

Yeah, gps.

361

: 00:25:43

And I'm a bit obsessed

now, I gotta tell you.

362

: 00:25:47

It is like some of the stuff

that I'm able to do it's crazy.

363

: 00:25:51

And yeah, it, I just, you

know what, anyone who's not

364

: 00:25:57

leveraging AI to any extent,

365

: 00:26:01

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: they

366

: 00:26:01

Chris Coulter: are missing,

they're missing it.

367

: 00:26:04

How much it can truly enrich your life.

368

: 00:26:08

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And

that is such a good point.

369

: 00:26:10

And I know that people are

afraid and people are afraid

370

: 00:26:13

of taking on new things always.

371

: 00:26:15

Okay.

372

: 00:26:15

Video.

373

: 00:26:17

Until the pandemic, I was

shouting into the wilderness.

374

: 00:26:21

I'd been doing it for 10 years.

375

: 00:26:23

Okay.

376

: 00:26:24

And along came the pandemic.

377

: 00:26:26

And for some of us it was like, oh cool.

378

: 00:26:28

Welcome to my world.

379

: 00:26:30

Yeah, come on down.

380

: 00:26:32

The water's just fine.

381

: 00:26:34

And it allowed us who were already

there and Eric who had Zoom.

382

: 00:26:41

To do really well in life because

it allowed us to remain connected.

383

: 00:26:47

'cause connection is so

critically important.

384

: 00:26:51

Yeah.

385

: 00:26:52

And giving us that piece for

anybody who's afraid of ai,

386

: 00:27:00

it will give you back what you

give it and what you ask for.

387

: 00:27:07

So just if you are dealing with

a 5-year-old and a 15-year-old,

388

: 00:27:14

what you're going to ask them

for will be worded differently.

389

: 00:27:18

Because you are looking for different

things when you start with ai.

390

: 00:27:25

Start as the 5-year-old because you

have to train it to understand what

391

: 00:27:31

it is that you are looking for.

392

: 00:27:35

And it is really quite amazing how far

you can go in training your AI to use your

393

: 00:27:46

tone of voice, to use your sense of humor.

394

: 00:27:51

To be inquisitive in the ways that you'd

be inquisitive and to steer clear of the

395

: 00:27:57

things that are not of interest to you.

396

: 00:28:02

And it does make a great deal of sense

because I feel saddened for millennials

397

: 00:28:10

and God help us boomers that are so afraid

that they will not embrace this because

398

: 00:28:17

it's not that AI will take your job, it's

the person who uses AI will take your job.

399

: 00:28:24

Chris Coulter: Yeah.

400

: 00:28:25

Oh, precisely.

401

: 00:28:27

I've I've emphasized that to both of

my boys because I said, if you are not

402

: 00:28:34

focusing on AI, or at least looking at it

as a consideration, you're doing yourself

403

: 00:28:41

a huge disservice and you are selling

yourself short because it's only going

404

: 00:28:47

to go more and more in that direction.

405

: 00:28:51

So I, I think, and everyone can see that

or hopefully most people can see that it's

406

: 00:28:57

not going to be it's not a one and done.

407

: 00:28:59

Oh, next year we're gonna be back.

408

: 00:29:01

We're turning back the clocks.

409

: 00:29:03

No it's here.

410

: 00:29:04

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

It's here to stay.

411

: 00:29:05

And not only that, but it was only

in: 2012

412

: 00:29:11

Boolean search to semantic search.

413

: 00:29:14

Semantic meant.

414

: 00:29:16

It took him the context of everything

that was being said, which is why

415

: 00:29:21

you can now say to your phone, what's

the best Italian restaurant near me?

416

: 00:29:27

And you will get some very

good answers that kind of.

417

: 00:29:31

Of questioning is now Dere gore.

418

: 00:29:34

Everybody understands that you wanna

go somewhere you just ask your phone.

419

: 00:29:39

That's all part and parcel of this.

420

: 00:29:41

But in 2012 when it started, they gave

an algorithm a task, and the task was

421

: 00:29:52

to find everything it could out there.

422

: 00:29:55

And you have to understand

the algorithms back then.

423

: 00:29:58

Could not understand images.

424

: 00:30:01

They had no format for

understanding images.

425

: 00:30:06

They wanted it to compose, create

a cat from whatever information it

426

: 00:30:14

could glean, and all kinds of, machine

learning and everything was all put

427

: 00:30:20

in and I'd have to look for it, but.

428

: 00:30:24

A photograph a drawing of a cat

was produced by the algorithm

429

: 00:30:32

and it is absolutely a cat.

430

: 00:30:36

Okay?

431

: 00:30:37

There is no mistaking,

it is not a cartoon.

432

: 00:30:40

It is not something approximating.

433

: 00:30:43

It is a cat down to the whiskers

and the nose and all of that.

434

: 00:30:50

And back then.

435

: 00:30:52

I was already so excited

for where we could go.

436

: 00:30:58

I see part of this helping

also with the mentor.

437

: 00:31:03

Because sometimes if someone's

feeling alone, we will get to a place

438

: 00:31:09

where they can talk to their ai.

439

: 00:31:14

Maybe just bounce off a few ideas.

440

: 00:31:18

To take the sting out of that loneliness.

441

: 00:31:21

Chris Coulter: And I think the intent,

originally when I was thinking about

442

: 00:31:25

what can we do with 10 teens speak?

443

: 00:31:27

It's, it was really about, it's how do

you it's really about conflict resolution.

444

: 00:31:33

It, because we've all seen it with as

parents and our kids, how things escalate.

445

: 00:31:42

Not enough attention is paid to.

446

: 00:31:44

How do you deescalate a situation and

everything just keeps going up and up and

447

: 00:31:51

the anger and the intensity, it follows

suit, but it, it's so invaluable for the

448

: 00:32:00

sake of our relationships moving forward.

449

: 00:32:02

We need to be kind in how we approach

450

: 00:32:07

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: people.

451

: 00:32:08

Yeah.

452

: 00:32:09

Chris Coulter: So that was

the original intent behind it.

453

: 00:32:11

It was like, okay, how can a parent

when, in a conflict with their child,

454

: 00:32:17

not escalate the conversation, but

in, in fact, hope to resolve it?

455

: 00:32:22

Move it towards a positive conclusion

as opposed to one that involves a two or

456

: 00:32:28

three, three day hiatus from one another.

457

: 00:32:31

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

458

: 00:32:32

Yeah.

459

: 00:32:32

Chris Coulter: Till things cool off.

460

: 00:32:34

It's, it's pretty amazing.

461

: 00:32:35

I don't think it's, it is not a response,

it's not a adequate replacement for

462

: 00:32:41

a therapist, although there are some

pretty good therapy AI tools out there.

463

: 00:32:47

Yeah.

464

: 00:32:47

But it's very.

465

: 00:32:49

It is, it's a little gimmicky.

466

: 00:32:51

Yeah.

467

: 00:32:51

And not to say that teens speak

isn't gimmicky either, but I think if

468

: 00:32:56

people recognize a different way of

communicating with their child, and

469

: 00:33:02

if they don't know that, maybe it's

like learning another language, right?

470

: 00:33:06

Yeah.

471

: 00:33:06

It's like listening to those.

472

: 00:33:08

What was the,

473

: 00:33:09

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: babble and

474

: 00:33:10

Chris Coulter: Those lingo,

those language type of apps.

475

: 00:33:14

This is a totally, this is a different

language for a lot of people, and

476

: 00:33:18

I'm not sure if you saw Yes, you did.

477

: 00:33:20

You saw the the post that I did

this morning about how some, I'll

478

: 00:33:25

call him a little less, evolved.

479

: 00:33:29

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yes.

480

: 00:33:30

Yes.

481

: 00:33:32

Yeah.

482

: 00:33:34

Chris Coulter: Yeah.

483

: 00:33:35

The fear of teaching his son

emotional intelligence thought

484

: 00:33:39

it was going to impact the, yeah,

485

: 00:33:42

Music: yeah.

486

: 00:33:42

Chris Coulter: His masculinity

or his perceived masculinity.

487

: 00:33:45

I was like, are you kidding me?

488

: 00:33:47

This is about making someone into an

incredible leader, not about showing

489

: 00:33:52

that he's the wimp in the school yard.

490

: 00:33:54

It's funny how people perceive

certain things, right?

491

: 00:33:58

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

492

: 00:33:58

And what that showed me when I read

that this morning, it was like the

493

: 00:34:05

fear was coming out of his words.

494

: 00:34:09

Because he only knows one way.

495

: 00:34:16

You do this, okay?

496

: 00:34:17

As a man, you suck it up.

497

: 00:34:19

You don't have emotion, you don't

show anything, blah, blah, blah.

498

: 00:34:22

He only knows that way.

499

: 00:34:25

And if I let my son off that

path, even an inch, oh my god.

500

: 00:34:31

Yes.

501

: 00:34:32

God knows what he's going

to turn into and yeah.

502

: 00:34:35

I'm not gonna repeat

503

: 00:34:36

Chris Coulter: what he said and why.

504

: 00:34:38

And why is that exactly.

505

: 00:34:40

It's because that's the

way they were raised.

506

: 00:34:43

And they, if they don't have

any new tools, guess what?

507

: 00:34:46

They're gonna default to the

way that they were brought up.

508

: 00:34:50

And I'm gonna just say that

I love my parents dearly, but

509

: 00:34:54

there's a lot of things they

could have done a lot differently.

510

: 00:34:57

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh my God.

511

: 00:34:58

Are you kidding me?

512

: 00:34:59

Yeah.

513

: 00:35:00

Okay.

514

: 00:35:00

You know how much I love my father

and I love my mother, but there was,

515

: 00:35:07

they came from a different time.

516

: 00:35:10

Okay.

517

: 00:35:10

My, my parents weren't in

Canada or the US during the war.

518

: 00:35:16

My mother was five years old when they

had to go to school with gas masks.

519

: 00:35:22

When they were taken out of their class

and sent to distant family in the country

520

: 00:35:29

because their homes were being bombed,

and they spent a month with this family,

521

: 00:35:38

the Aunt Fannie, who had, I don't know,

six or eight kids of her own, and my

522

: 00:35:43

mom and her siblings got the leavings,

like the bread and gravy at the end

523

: 00:35:49

because she had to feed her family.

524

: 00:35:52

And my mother, like to the day she died,

wouldn't need gravy to save her life.

525

: 00:35:58

Okay.

526

: 00:35:58

It was just like, Nope,

I'm not touching that.

527

: 00:36:02

And they had gone through those things.

528

: 00:36:05

So for them what was

hard was very different.

529

: 00:36:12

From someone going in and, oh, there's

no toilet paper on the shelves, or

530

: 00:36:16

it's too expensive, or whatever.

531

: 00:36:18

They didn't have any, they had

food stamps like for a month.

532

: 00:36:23

They got half a cup of sugar

for a family and it was not a.

533

: 00:36:31

It was not a safe time for

any of them, for the children.

534

: 00:36:37

I can't even imagine having to have

a gas mask at age five and carting

535

: 00:36:43

it with me, like the sheer terror and

the raid sirens going off at night.

536

: 00:36:48

That had to be absolutely terrifying.

537

: 00:36:55

It's a different place to come from.

538

: 00:36:58

So some of their hard edges and

some of their, oh, just suck it

539

: 00:37:02

up, came from the fact that they

had to, when they were very young.

540

: 00:37:08

And it wasn't that they didn't love

us, it was simply that they had

541

: 00:37:15

never been presented with a change

they'd never been presented with.

542

: 00:37:22

Okay.

543

: 00:37:22

You could approach this

in a different way.

544

: 00:37:26

It was only in the 1990s when

dealing with the grandkids that

545

: 00:37:32

my parents came to realize that.

546

: 00:37:35

Yes.

547

: 00:37:36

Some of the ways they dealt with

us that just was not gonna fly.

548

: 00:37:42

And the kids, they had their own thoughts

and their own ways of dealing with things.

549

: 00:37:48

And I know at one point my daughter,

who's the eldest of the five

550

: 00:37:53

grandkids at five, sorry, the three

grandkids and the five grandchildren.

551

: 00:37:59

At one point she was having a

discussion with my mom and dad.

552

: 00:38:04

She said just because they're

older, I don't have to respect them.

553

: 00:38:09

They have to earn my respect.

554

: 00:38:12

You could have just laid my

father out right then and there.

555

: 00:38:15

That was, that concept was so

foreign to him, and it took him a

556

: 00:38:22

really long time to digest that.

557

: 00:38:27

I will give him credit.

558

: 00:38:29

He got there sooner than I did.

559

: 00:38:33

But yeah, all of those things, every

generation, we have our own baggage

560

: 00:38:38

that we bring with us, and as much

as we wanna do what's best for our

561

: 00:38:44

children, having something like teen

speak to distill what we think we're

562

: 00:38:53

saying and make it much more palatable.

563

: 00:38:58

For this next generation.

564

: 00:39:00

I think it's really important.

565

: 00:39:02

Chris Coulter: I'd love to get your

perspective as far as like where

566

: 00:39:06

some ideas, we don't, I'm not gonna

put you on the spot here, but some

567

: 00:39:10

ideas as to where we could take it.

568

: 00:39:13

Yeah.

569

: 00:39:13

Because I think there's,

the sky's the limit really.

570

: 00:39:16

And I've already got a.

571

: 00:39:18

A couple of other things that

are percolating, which are really

572

: 00:39:22

cool, but without ai, there's no

way in hell that it would happen.

573

: 00:39:26

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

574

: 00:39:27

And it for me, the first thought

when I was playing with it was

575

: 00:39:32

giving the kids the opportunity

576

: 00:39:37

to change what they wanna say to us

into a way we can understand right.

577

: 00:39:44

Not saying we are right.

578

: 00:39:47

Simply saying, this is

what you expect from me.

579

: 00:39:52

This is what I'm saying

and that's what it means.

580

: 00:39:55

Chris Coulter: So the next iteration of

Teen Speak is we're gonna we're gonna

581

: 00:40:00

come out with live 45, 1 minute videos

of kids who are actually speaking.

582

: 00:40:07

About talking to their

parents about what this means.

583

: 00:40:11

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

584

: 00:40:12

Chris Coulter: So it's taking teen

speak and actually putting a live

585

: 00:40:18

voice and the live body behind it.

586

: 00:40:21

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh, I think that's wonderful.

587

: 00:40:22

I really do.

588

: 00:40:24

I've put up the URL for the mentor l.

589

: 00:40:28

There's a lot there to look at.

590

: 00:40:30

There's a lot of resources, not

just keen speak, but there's

591

: 00:40:34

a lot of information as well.

592

: 00:40:36

And the concept of other generations being

mentors I think is absolutely brilliant.

593

: 00:40:47

For all these years we've had

big brothers and big sisters.

594

: 00:40:51

That was a different level.

595

: 00:40:53

I.

596

: 00:40:54

It started through play and

sport and what have you.

597

: 00:40:58

This is a little more

cerebral, if you will.

598

: 00:41:02

Because it is all about everyone's mental

health and understanding that everyone's

599

: 00:41:11

mental health comes into play whenever

we are talking with something that may

600

: 00:41:18

be fraught with a little bit of emotion.

601

: 00:41:22

I think is super important and I can

see teams speak becoming a generational

602

: 00:41:30

tool back and forth, not just for teens,

because you know it, it's different

603

: 00:41:40

in every generation, and if you.

604

: 00:41:44

For people who don't understand the

colloquialisms and the slang that goes

605

: 00:41:50

along with each new generation, right?

606

: 00:41:53

It could make life a little simpler.

607

: 00:41:56

Chris Coulter: I think I, I can

just see a conversation between

608

: 00:42:00

it, the, a conversation between

a parent and child escalating and

609

: 00:42:03

they're both, hold on one second.

610

: 00:42:05

I'm just gonna refer to,

611

: 00:42:06

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

just gimme a minute here.

612

: 00:42:07

Chris Coulter: Yeah.

613

: 00:42:10

Hey, you know what that's all we can hope.

614

: 00:42:13

Talk about self-regulation, right?

615

: 00:42:15

Yeah.

616

: 00:42:19

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: The team speak

could be the safe person in the room.

617

: 00:42:25

Yeah.

618

: 00:42:26

But on, on both sides.

619

: 00:42:28

That way everybody feels

that they have an advocate.

620

: 00:42:32

Yeah.

621

: 00:42:34

And the beauty of chat, GPT.

622

: 00:42:38

Is there is minimal bias.

623

: 00:42:42

Now, I say minimal because for the most

part, when they started programming

624

: 00:42:49

them and training them, you had a

whole bunch of male programmers.

625

: 00:42:55

So year, a few years back when you

tried to get a, an image, a group

626

: 00:43:02

image, say of a ship of pirates.

627

: 00:43:05

There were no women.

628

: 00:43:08

You asked for women and they had

beards because it had only, it can

629

: 00:43:13

only give you back what it has.

630

: 00:43:15

And it was given everything

from a male perspective.

631

: 00:43:19

I chuckle because I can see the

limitations it has and the why and for me.

632

: 00:43:29

That is a safety net for us as humans.

633

: 00:43:33

And I don't see AI as taking over.

634

: 00:43:40

I can see people abdicating their

rights, but we see that now.

635

: 00:43:49

Yeah.

636

: 00:43:52

Chris Coulter: I, it's exciting.

637

: 00:43:53

It's my first foray into.

638

: 00:43:58

IA or AI driven.

639

: 00:43:59

And and like I said, it's just the,

it's the tip of the iceberg right

640

: 00:44:04

now as far as where things going and

just the ideas that are percolating.

641

: 00:44:09

There's some really cool stuff.

642

: 00:44:11

Oh yeah.

643

: 00:44:13

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

644

: 00:44:13

Chris Coulter: So it will evolve

over time as the website will, and

645

: 00:44:18

yeah, it's it's fun times though.

646

: 00:44:20

And I know Elana and I are

having a lot of fun doing it.

647

: 00:44:24

And we haven't really even started,

we haven't really even got off the

648

: 00:44:29

ground other than having a ton of

people saying that they want their

649

: 00:44:34

kids to be involved with it or saying

that they'd like to be a mentor.

650

: 00:44:38

Like that kind of blew me away.

651

: 00:44:41

I was like, we knew there was

a need, but to have that kind

652

: 00:44:45

of much, that much universal.

653

: 00:44:48

Embracing of the concept has

been, and I'm not just talking

654

: 00:44:52

within kind of in around Toronto.

655

: 00:44:55

I'm talking No, I'm talking

across like around the world.

656

: 00:44:58

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

657

: 00:44:59

Chris Coulter: And that's the

beauty of having a voice that's

658

: 00:45:02

heard and recognized on LinkedIn.

659

: 00:45:04

Your reach is pretty extensive.

660

: 00:45:06

Yeah.

661

: 00:45:07

So I just before I got on

the the phone with you.

662

: 00:45:10

There was a therapist who said, I

wish teens speak with, or I wish

663

: 00:45:15

mentor well was here in the uk and

I said, give it a couple of months.

664

: 00:45:19

Yes.

665

: 00:45:19

Yeah.

666

: 00:45:19

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

667

: 00:45:20

Chris Coulter: We're, that's the plan.

668

: 00:45:22

And we want to, initially, we

want grow it from Toronto outward.

669

: 00:45:27

We wanna do it in a methodical and.

670

: 00:45:31

We wanna make sure we

iron out all the bugs.

671

: 00:45:33

Yeah.

672

: 00:45:33

Because you only get one chance to make

a first impression, as the saying says.

673

: 00:45:37

That's true.

674

: 00:45:37

So we wanna make sure

that it is it, it works.

675

: 00:45:41

And we wanna scale when

we work out those bugs.

676

: 00:45:45

As tempting as it is to say, yes,

come, let's do it Now, you know what?

677

: 00:45:50

We're, we'd be setting

ourselves up for failure.

678

: 00:45:54

Yeah.

679

: 00:45:54

And not to mention it would

fall largely on Alana and I for

680

: 00:46:00

now, because we still are in the

midst of vetting our mentors too.

681

: 00:46:05

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: One

thing I wanna say for anybody

682

: 00:46:08

who's considering being a mentor.

683

: 00:46:11

And something this is, I don't know,

maybe you guys had this in mind when

684

: 00:46:15

you started, but when I read everything

on the website, when I started,

685

: 00:46:20

I thought, oh, this is wonderful.

686

: 00:46:23

This is like the donor registry

you can offer to donate an organ to

687

: 00:46:33

someone else that you don't know.

688

: 00:46:35

That has nothing to do with you

because someone in your family.

689

: 00:46:40

Needs an organ?

690

: 00:46:42

If your child needs a mentor, then

how about you mentor for someone else?

691

: 00:46:50

And you are going to learn

perhaps better ways to handle

692

: 00:46:55

yourself with your children.

693

: 00:46:57

And they are gonna learn better

ways to handle themselves with

694

: 00:47:02

other adults because that's

usually what the mentors are.

695

: 00:47:06

And I think that network

would keep growing and be

696

: 00:47:12

beneficial to so many people.

697

: 00:47:15

And looking at it in terms of,

all communities coming together.

698

: 00:47:22

It's not just about, my child needs help.

699

: 00:47:25

I'm gonna go for help for my child.

700

: 00:47:27

It's.

701

: 00:47:28

My child needs help.

702

: 00:47:30

How can I offer something

from me to another child?

703

: 00:47:35

Chris Coulter: And you bring a, an

important point up, Elaine, as far as I

704

: 00:47:40

think you were where we are right now.

705

: 00:47:43

And first of all, let me qualify.

706

: 00:47:44

It's, it is a four,

it's a four fee service.

707

: 00:47:48

Our mentors are not volunteers.

708

: 00:47:51

They're paid.

709

: 00:47:52

The intent though, because

there's a cost associated with it.

710

: 00:47:56

I don't wanna make this a two tier.

711

: 00:47:59

I don't want to make it a

have and have not system.

712

: 00:48:02

Yeah.

713

: 00:48:02

The, one of the appeal is

just is equal access for all.

714

: 00:48:06

So part of this, and this is the

Maddy, this is the Maddy Co-pilot,

715

: 00:48:11

always sitting there tweaking my brain.

716

: 00:48:14

We want to create a foundation.

717

: 00:48:16

That.

718

: 00:48:17

So mentors will, they have

an op, they have an option.

719

: 00:48:22

And a lot of, I have to understand

too, a lot of these mentors,

720

: 00:48:26

they may be grandparents.

721

: 00:48:28

They may be someone who sold a

business and is in retirement.

722

: 00:48:33

So the financial.

723

: 00:48:36

The financial remuneration

isn't everything to them.

724

: 00:48:40

For them it's about giving

back or helping someone.

725

: 00:48:44

So what they have the ability to

do is to donate their mentoring

726

: 00:48:48

fee to the foundation and they get

a charitable tax receipt for it.

727

: 00:48:53

But the beauty of it is then someone,

it, someone else has the ability who

728

: 00:48:58

wouldn't otherwise be able to afford it.

729

: 00:49:02

To the Mentor program, and that's

something I'm really proud of

730

: 00:49:06

because it, the accessibility piece

is really important and I know it

731

: 00:49:12

would be a really important element

if Maddie if Maddie was involved.

732

: 00:49:18

So that's that's a phase two.

733

: 00:49:23

I've already had some conversations

with people and it, it is very viable

734

: 00:49:31

and it is a very important piece

that we're still in the midst of

735

: 00:49:37

figuring out, but it is going to be

something that is going to be figured

736

: 00:49:41

out and be an important part of it.

737

: 00:49:43

Yeah.

738

: 00:49:44

So thank you for putting the

cart a little bit before this.

739

: 00:49:47

A

740

: 00:49:47

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: little, yeah.

741

: 00:49:48

That,

742

: 00:49:49

Chris Coulter: that's the, in,

that's the intention anyway.

743

: 00:49:51

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

744

: 00:49:52

Oh, that's wonderful.

745

: 00:49:53

That absolutely wonderful.

746

: 00:49:55

So I'm wholeheartedly excited about all

that you're doing and more than happy

747

: 00:50:02

to take a look at whatever you want me.

748

: 00:50:05

Awesome.

749

: 00:50:06

This is definitely my wheelhouse

and something that makes me so

750

: 00:50:10

happy to be able to offer help.

751

: 00:50:13

Chris Coulter: In this way I think I

think you would be an awesome mentor.

752

: 00:50:17

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, thank you.

753

: 00:50:18

Chris Coulter: And we can have

a discussion for another day

754

: 00:50:23

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: that sounds.

755

: 00:50:26

As you can see, the URL is below.

756

: 00:50:29

We will have more information below,

along with the transcript of today's show.

757

: 00:50:36

I, I am just, yeah, over

the moon about this.

758

: 00:50:40

I got even more than I thought

I would from team speak and

759

: 00:50:46

can see that it will be.

760

: 00:50:50

Of great use to people that are not

even interested in AM 'cause It is.

761

: 00:50:56

It is very simple and the way it's

laid out, it even asks good questions.

762

: 00:51:02

So that's I think that's very important.

763

: 00:51:05

I thank you so much, Chris for coming

back today and talking with me.

764

: 00:51:10

Always a pleasure, Elaine.

765

: 00:51:12

Thank you.

766

: 00:51:13

I wish you and Alana so much goodness

in going forward and we'll have

767

: 00:51:18

to have the pair of you come back.

768

: 00:51:20

Chris Coulter: All right.

769

: 00:51:21

Looking forward to speaking

again with you soon.

770

: 00:51:25

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Excellent.

771

: 00:51:25

Excellent.

772

: 00:51:26

Off you go and have a wonderful

rest of your afternoon.

773

: 00:51:30

For once here, it is not raining.

774

: 00:51:32

When we have full sunshine,

I'm absolutely thrilled.

775

: 00:51:36

Chris Coulter: Yeah.

776

: 00:51:36

And I'm not even gonna mention the

senators against the Leafs thing.

777

: 00:51:39

Okay.

778

: 00:51:41

Music: Yeah.

779

: 00:51:42

Chris Coulter: Hey we've been

in this position before when

780

: 00:51:45

we've managed to screw it up.

781

: 00:51:48

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

782

: 00:51:48

And the funny thing is

it's very hard for people.

783

: 00:51:52

My family because I grew

up in Toronto, right?

784

: 00:51:58

So I'm a little torn,

understandably so go everybody

785

: 00:52:07

that, that's really,

that really doesn't work.

786

: 00:52:14

Again, thank you so much for joining

me and thank our audience and.

787

: 00:52:19

Until next time, make the

very most of your today, every

788

: 00:52:24

day, and we'll see you again.

789

: 00:52:26

Voiceover: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

790

: 00:52:29

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

791

: 00:52:31

We appreciate you tuning in.

792

: 00:52:33

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFS

793

: 00:52:37

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794

: 00:52:39

If you have the chance to leave

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795

: 00:52:42

it'd be greatly appreciated.

796

: 00:52:44

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797

: 00:52:48

and inspiration from our guests.

798

: 00:52:51

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799

: 00:52:55

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801

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803

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804

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805

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806

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807

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808

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810

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811

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812

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813

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814

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815

: 00:53:56

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816

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817

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