Empowerment through Adversity: Cara Marino's Story

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When moving forward seems too much.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: This

is suicideZen forgiveness.

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Shattering stigma.

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Igniting hope.

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I'm Elaine, and my mission is

to end the silence, the stigma,

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the shame surrounding suicide.

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We talk about the hard stuff

because asking for help should

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be as easy as ordering a coffee.

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Here we share real stories from those

who lost Someone survived an attempt.

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Live with ideation or battle

mental health challenges.

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Why?

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Because sharing your

burden, enlightened, those

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please note suicide.

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Then forgiveness.

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The podcast is for education only.

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Some of the subject matter could

be triggering for those who are

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either grieving or having mental.

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If you are in North America, you can

text 9 8 8 for immediate support.

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And if you're elsewhere, please

reach out to your local suicide

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hotline or mental health service.

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You matter.

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My aim is to normalize the

conversation so you feel safe

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enough to speak up to ask for help.

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So now let's start the show.

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Hello there.

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It's great to be back.

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And today I am pleased to

introduce you to our guest.

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Cara, Cara Marino I recently met,

so I don't know her very well.

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We're going to let Cara give us

some information on her background.

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I know it's interesting, and then we'll

get into her story as we usually do.

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So thank you so much for joining us.

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I really appreciate you being here, Cara.

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Cara Marino: Thank you for having me,

and thank you for all you're doing for

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us who have experienced these struggles.

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This is a very important topic

because so many of us are still

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struggling and, or are still lost.

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So thank you for what you do.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Thank you.

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And it's part of being

part of the audience.

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I think I make a good host because I've

been there and there are days I'm still

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there, so I'm right there with you.

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So why don't you give us a little

background on what it is that you do.

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Cara Marino: Oh, hello everyone again.

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My name is Cara Marino.

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Despite how I look and sound, I am

a 30-year-old woman on a mission.

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I'm an occupational therapist of

seven years and a certified holistic

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herbalist going on three, four years.

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I've lost track.

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And my whole goal in life is.

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Because of the struggles I have had with

my physical and mental health, I am here

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to pave a way to integrate education

and therapeutic perspective to help

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individuals with different diagnoses,

diseases injuries, including mental health

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disabilities and struggles, and then

creating holistic health and wellness

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options that are feasible, affordable.

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So that way we better integrate what

it means to have quality of life

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again, to essentially live in the

moment and to heal at the preventative

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measure and not getting lost in

this system as a number anymore.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: That

is so critically important,

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and let's face it, we are.

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We're in times of tumult and chaos

and it is really hard for people.

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So hats off to you for doing what

you can, and I love the way you

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said you are on a mission 'cause I

think that's critically important.

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What I wanna do before you go ahead

and start your occupation, does

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the occupation and the mission.

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Come from your life or someone else's.

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Cara Marino: So it's more

of a combination of the two.

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I fell into occupational therapy

because I was born into this

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world with health issues.

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I had open heart surgery when I was four.

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I.

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So little did me know at the time I

had primarily an occupational therapist

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telling, showing, and educating me as a

4-year-old how to walk to the bathroom,

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how to toilet myself again, how to get

dressed again, how to get out of bed.

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And then later on in my life, I ended

up having a systemic visual deficit

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where I presented like a stroke.

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The neurons in my brain were not firing in

the right side of my eye, so if you told

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me to draw a house, I would say it's done.

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And really, actually only

half of the house was drawn.

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So I had an occupational

therapist after I had patching

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for, I think it was two, my bad.

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To read and write again.

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I'll always have an auditory processing

deficit, but compared to what it

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would've been, she is the facilitator

of how I continued getting through my

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education and learning as a child, and

then my grandparents when I was getting

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older, seeing what it was like to.

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Be a caregiver from my mom's side of

things and occupational therapists

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were coming in to help my grandparents

who both had strokes to be able

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to stand and walk to self feed.

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It's always bit in the background and

yet the forefront at the same time.

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And it wasn't until my mom in high

school showed an article about the

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need for occupational therapists

and I shadowed, and really that's

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been the story since I never looked

back once I started my program.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh, that, that is wonderful.

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And I think it's always so much.

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I think people give so much more when

it comes from family, when you learn

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what it is you love to do through

helping those that are closest to

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you, and I think it, it gives a

little extra something to what you do.

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Cara Marino: Yes, I agree that

firsthand experience and in some ways.

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Traumatic experiences.

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Yeah.

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Puts in perspective and I feel that

it gives me a level of empathy that

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is lost in some other individuals not

in any type of derogatory term, but

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again, having more of that relationship

and awareness of what it was.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

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And I think that's really important

because we do develop more

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empathy and more caring when we

are caring for those around us.

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When it's, children who grow up

with chronically ill parents or

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grandparents tend to be much more

empathetic on a more global scale.

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Than the average child.

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Now, in your case, add to

that your own struggles.

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And my God, that's a lot.

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Okay.

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At four years old that's

a whole lot to go through.

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I think that just increases it.

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And no, for a very long time

I said that doctors and nurses

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should have to go through.

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48 hours of a hospital stay

to understand exactly what it

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feels like to be a patient.

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And you did that long before it

was a necessity for what you do.

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But yeah, thank you.

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Hats off to you for that.

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So let's get into your story and why

we have you here on the show today.

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Cara Marino: This is actually a first

for me to really be discussing so openly

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about my experience with my mental health.

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I touch on it very lightly,

but I think it's finally time

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to show and tell people that.

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When you surround yourself with a good

group of people, no matter how long

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it takes, you'll finally start feeling

like yourself again, finding a reason

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to live again and overall finding

forms of happiness that you so long I.

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I have forgotten about

because it's really weird.

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It wasn't until I turned 30, which was

this past year, that my brain finally

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felt silent because of what I've

always been battling inside my mind.

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And really it really

starts in middle school.

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'cause, middle schoolers

are just the worst.

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We're trying to figure out who we

are as people, but in reality we're

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just rambunctious and crazy and mean.

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Because of my health issues

I'm a very petite person,

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which was going to be expected.

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Being petite actually is what saved my

life, actually, from what they said.

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But I suffered from a lot of bullying

to the extent of when it came

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to transitioning to high school.

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It became a lot of physical

and sexual abuse towards me.

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And at the time, because I didn't

have that sense of voice and

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resilience that I do now I would

just let it happen repeatedly.

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I would not talk about it.

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Friends would see and try to say things

to me, but it would never get through

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that barrier of pain and control

that those individuals had over me.

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And I think that's something important

for people to realize is not to have

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shame because you didn't talk then because

you're still trying to process at such,

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such a young age of what's happening.

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It's like you think in high school

you're grown up, but you're not by

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any means, even from trauma That.

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Might make you think

at a more adult level.

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And that's unfortunately where I continued

caving into things of, I was thinking

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I was more adult on certain subjects

with people regarding like intimacy,

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but in reality I knew absolutely

nothing because all I knew was negative.

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And that negativity unfortunately spurred

into, having my virginity lost in a

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manner that I did not give consent to, and

this was just before I entered college.

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I.

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To college purposely away from

all of my trauma in hopes to

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get away from that scenario.

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But unfortunately I did not think

ahead of things because I was so

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immersed in dealing with the trauma,

accepting the trauma, almost like

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a Stockholm syndrome and self.

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And self sacrifice, because I didn't

want another girl knowing what it

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was like to be with someone who

was doing such horrible things.

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And it, and I don't think this is talked

about for a lot of individuals who have.

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Been assaulted in such a manner

is called having hyper sexuality.

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So even though you want nothing to

do with it, in order to keep them

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in your hands and monitor their

behavior, you become very hyperactive

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in the activity that they want.

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And I thought going to college

would help with the escape Finally.

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But the problem was I never

addressed the problem.

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I never talked about the problem.

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My parents knew something was wrong

because I was angry and crying.

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And.

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Isolating myself isolating all the time.

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But because I never said anything, I

got the stigma of, oh, she's a female.

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It's her hormones, which did not

help my mental health even further

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because when I would scream and cry at

times, I was hoping my parents would

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know that something else was wrong.

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But now that I'm older, I realize

that was an unfair expectation.

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Because I was not voicing

what was actually wrong.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I was just

gonna add there, because very often

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we don't realize this, but it's like

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we inadvertently join a club.

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Anyone who's ever been

molested or sexually assaulted.

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Joins a club, not by choice, but

the changes, the hypersexuality the

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anger, the crying, all of that is part

of it in the midst of one's teens.

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Okay?

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All teens are this stupid hormone

soup that makes no sense and I'm

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not excusing anything that is done.

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I'm saying it's nothing comes from a place

of normalcy there, there just isn't any.

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But once you're in that club, it's like

you have a stamp on your forehead and

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you put the signal out and others who

like yourself have been victimized.

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They almost know they you.

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You know when someone.

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Lives in your club, you know that.

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But on the other side of it,

unfortunately you could go away to

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college, but you are taking you that

victimized peace with you and it

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becomes a beacon for those predators.

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Cara Marino: Exactly.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Cara Marino: And that, that

is actually exactly what.

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My first year as a freshman.

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Not to, luckily, not to the

extent because I did have a, I.

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Good core group in the beginning.

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So I did have protective people that

anytime we did events, went to events, we

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all stuck together and never separated.

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And if someone tried to do anything

towards me, they would interfere.

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And they also gave me the

strength to start pushing back.

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But it.

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I still felt like this empty shell

of myself because again, no one

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knew actually what was happened.

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What had happened, and what I left behind

because I just kept stewing in my own.

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Self pity and also pride

of, I'll figure this out.

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I don't need anybody.

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I'll figure it out.

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I'll go to college.

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It'll just go away.

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It'll come with time and that's the

problem we need to recognize when

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a trauma happens, it's not going to

go away unless you start expressing

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and addressing it in a manner with

someone that you feel safe with.

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Like it obviously as a high

schooler, telling your parents

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is the scariest freaking thing.

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Yeah, and I try to again, because

unfortunately that individual still

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had ways into my life to mess with

my head that I was kicked off campus

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my freshman and sophomore year of.

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High school of college, sorry,

because of suicidal ideations and I

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was starting to finally express pain.

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But the problem was, instead of

trying to talk to me they removed

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me from the situation and tried

to put me in inpatient, which then

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created this stigma that I was crazy.

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With the college thinking, I'm crazy.

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My parents thinking I want attention.

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And the poor social worker going,

I don't know what to do with you

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because I can I learn how to mask

it, so I act like everybody else

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was wrong and I'm not in pain.

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And it just fueled that.

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Toxic cycle of nothing ever really

being properly addressed because

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of the manner that it was handled.

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What compared to if I had

originally said something and

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said, Hey, this happened to me.

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But it, at the time, my brain

is just going that's it.

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Like this is gonna be

the cycle of my life.

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I'm always, I'm not gonna make it through

college because I almost if not for

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one of my awesome professors who saw

my resilience during, one of my classes

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of just how I, I would take my pain

and really implement it in my courses,

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especially my theology and philosophy

because it's such an outwardly topic

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that, I almost ruined my entire career.

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When I got kicked off the second time,

they were not willing to let me back.

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I was going to be kicked out of the

occupational therapy program, and

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if not for him, seeing what I was

capable of, I would not be where

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I am today without that professor.

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No, but it still was like following this

tide of when and where do I find the help?

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And that was still the struggle.

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It's still, it's the

Sicilian in me, the pride,

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excuse me, but it just, I kept crumbling

and then the nail on the head for me

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was I lost my boyfriend to cancer.

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In between then of all that

mess through college, oh my god.

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And we were separated as in like long

distance because I came from a generation

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where you made a lot of friends online,

and I know that sounds creepy and I

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would not recommend it today, but that

generation, we had safety implemented.

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So I knew this person was real.

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There was Skype, all those things.

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And I kept him a secret

for a very long time.

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So not only am I withering in pain, I

can't talk about that pain 'cause no

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one's gonna believe me that he existed

except for our other online friends.

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So I was just in this

tornado once again of I am.

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I don't mean anything.

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The person that made me feel anything

safe to talk about my abuse with

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and heal from it is now gone.

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I'm not intelligent enough

to get through college.

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I.

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I was still getting bullied by

people in my own class because

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when I did, because of my auditory

processing deficit, I didn't pick up

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on material all the time very fast.

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So I got ostracized during group projects.

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So for me, college for the first three

years felt a lot like high school, and

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I was just getting to the point where

I did not want to be here anymore.

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Like I.

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I was starting to plan, I was starting

to think of any way I could escape

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this life as simplistically and not

as animalistic as possible to make

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it seem almost like an accident.

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And that's so terrifying to think about

now that in college I was researching

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ways of how to end my life on such a

manner to make it seem like an accident.

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What did you mean?

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That's an absolutely insane

concept, but when you're.

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In that pit, that black cloud, that

doesn't feel like it's going to be

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shaking, going anywhere south quick.

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It just, you can't think

about anything else.

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It literally is all consuming of you

put that mask on to get through the

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day, but every waking moment through

those conversations, the back of

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your mind is just saying just end it.

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It's not worth it.

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No one cares about you.

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And I didn't know what was gonna happen,

but weirdly enough, I joined theater.

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Theater my end of my junior year

or beginning of junior year because

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my roommate said we needed dancers.

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And I used to dance and I

don't know what happened.

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I think it was because theater, again,

it was almost another form of masking.

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But that was like the first time

I felt joy during college because

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I got to just be a character and

be this over elated concept and

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I was getting positive feedback.

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It was like the first time I

was getting good feedback of.

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You play this role?

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Your dancing is great.

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Also, I was helping teach people

how to do their performances, so I

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was making myself feel this need.

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But at once theater was done,

I started to collapse again

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because it was just, it was over.

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What was next?

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What was I gonna do?

315

: 00:23:08

And.

316

: 00:23:10

There again, just resilience.

317

: 00:23:13

I got out of a toxic living

situation to live with my aunt,

318

: 00:23:17

and that's really where I went.

319

: 00:23:23

I am still having these thoughts.

320

: 00:23:26

And I need to freaking do

something because if I don't,

321

: 00:23:29

I am not going to know what.

322

: 00:23:32

Five years of busting my butt off,

improving myself behind the scenes,

323

: 00:23:36

while struggling through this

depression and suicidal ideations.

324

: 00:23:42

It like where is this going to take me?

325

: 00:23:44

If I don't talk now, I can never go back.

326

: 00:23:49

It's going to just get harder and harder.

327

: 00:23:51

And I'm like, I don't think I

can hit rock bottom any further

328

: 00:23:55

than I have, and was very.

329

: 00:24:01

Open with me could tell that I wasn't

all there in the mix of things, which

330

: 00:24:08

for me was very wild because of having

it just being pushed down as I'm just

331

: 00:24:13

being hormonal 'cause I'm a girl.

332

: 00:24:17

But she helped me sign up

for better help and I had.

333

: 00:24:27

Psychologist because of what I'd gone

through in college and the stigma that

334

: 00:24:32

even those psychologists put on me.

335

: 00:24:35

But I had the loveliest individual

to get me finally out of.

336

: 00:24:45

Where I was so bad.

337

: 00:24:47

She did a lot of cognitive behavioral

therapy and first informed me of it.

338

: 00:24:53

But what was really great is she allowed

me to express my spirituality as well.

339

: 00:24:59

So she implemented parts of my

spirituality into our sessions, and I

340

: 00:25:06

liked how it wasn't just talk therapy.

341

: 00:25:11

She gave me actual assignments

to do it let me actually immerse

342

: 00:25:17

myself and she is the reason I

was able to thrive in my career.

343

: 00:25:24

So I specialize in skilled

nursing, so older adults in

344

: 00:25:27

my occupational therapy field.

345

: 00:25:30

And because of changing the.

346

: 00:25:35

Constant negative self talk

into finding silver linings.

347

: 00:25:41

It wasn't just positive self talk.

348

: 00:25:44

She was encouraging me to just

find those silver linings first

349

: 00:25:49

so I wouldn't get overwhelmed

350

: 00:25:53

and.

351

: 00:25:55

My older adults were my silver linings

every time I worked with them, seeing

352

: 00:26:02

them progress, seeing our interactions

and the rapport that I can create

353

: 00:26:08

with these individuals because I

remind them of a granddaughter or

354

: 00:26:12

maybe a granddaughter, they never had

my residents built up my confidence.

355

: 00:26:19

They became my community for my.

356

: 00:26:24

Because in that duality of approach,

they are struggling through the

357

: 00:26:30

same things I am, but at a different

level and a different perspective

358

: 00:26:34

because of why they're working with

me, and it made me realize that.

359

: 00:26:40

If we don't have each other, then who do

we have if we continue to stay isolated?

360

: 00:26:47

That negative self-talk

is never going to stop.

361

: 00:26:51

The cycle will always continue.

362

: 00:26:54

You have to hear people out.

363

: 00:26:57

You have to learn from people, and

you have to let people in order for.

364

: 00:27:03

There to of healing and that

healing won't always go away.

365

: 00:27:07

There's gonna be something that triggers

you, but you're gonna find ways to

366

: 00:27:11

be, to pull yourself them better.

367

: 00:27:14

And my residents always that.

368

: 00:27:19

Even now they just, oh,

I love them so much.

369

: 00:27:23

I cry all the time when I think about

certain individuals who have left

370

: 00:27:27

this life that I got to see through.

371

: 00:27:30

But in hindsight, if you are

a healthcare worker, you know

372

: 00:27:37

the traumas of what COVID.

373

: 00:27:40

So I graduated when I.

374

: 00:27:45

S So I was 21.

375

: 00:27:49

And so between 21 to 25, I

had good years ahead of me.

376

: 00:27:58

I was getting my career under my belt.

377

: 00:28:01

I was, I moved out on my own.

378

: 00:28:04

I was on cloud nine, and then COVID hit.

379

: 00:28:10

Originally it wasn't that bad

until it never stopped, and that is

380

: 00:28:16

where for the first time I hit rock

bottom so fast I couldn't sleep.

381

: 00:28:23

And I was hyperventilating

all the time, and that was not

382

: 00:28:26

due to always wearing the PPE.

383

: 00:28:28

I was literally, I would literally be

in my car after my days and I would

384

: 00:28:32

just be having a full blown panic

attack because I couldn't do my job.

385

: 00:28:39

People were suffocating on their

own room, air left and right.

386

: 00:28:45

I couldn't promote, I couldn't.

387

: 00:28:52

When I saw one of my patients who

was her honorary granddaughter,

388

: 00:28:58

'cause she never got to have one.

389

: 00:29:01

And this was again, during the time

where COVID was so bad that families were

390

: 00:29:06

not even allowed to be there anymore.

391

: 00:29:09

And she was also on a side

where I no longer had access

392

: 00:29:13

to because it was in lockdown.

393

: 00:29:15

So therapists were not allowed at

a certain section of the building

394

: 00:29:19

or exposure reduction, and I

watched her die from the window.

395

: 00:29:25

Oh honey, and I still

struggled to talk about that,

396

: 00:29:33

and that's where I went home,

397

: 00:29:37

flat out, cried in the bathroom

and said, I can't do this anymore.

398

: 00:29:43

And I wasn't just talking about my job.

399

: 00:29:45

I was so close to being like, screw

being an woodsy, but my mental health

400

: 00:29:50

got so bad so quick in that moment.

401

: 00:29:56

That I was texting my friend and

thank God I had that resilience to

402

: 00:30:01

autonomically text, and I mentioned, I

go, I'm going to kill myself tonight.

403

: 00:30:06

I can't fucking do this anymore.

404

: 00:30:09

I was getting very vulgar in my language.

405

: 00:30:12

I was just falling apart of I

wanna cut myself, I wanna bleed.

406

: 00:30:18

I need to feel anything that

is painful in order to go numb.

407

: 00:30:23

And she didn't even care about the

regulations of the whole COVID thing.

408

: 00:30:27

She goes, shut up.

409

: 00:30:29

I want you to get in your car now.

410

: 00:30:31

You're gonna meet me here and

we're gonna have time together.

411

: 00:30:34

And I am so grateful for her because

that is where my entire life and

412

: 00:30:40

my perspective on life got flipped

upside down because that is where

413

: 00:30:45

my herbalist journey came into play.

414

: 00:30:47

Wow.

415

: 00:30:49

I met at the shopkeeper.

416

: 00:30:51

We went to a spiritual shop.

417

: 00:30:53

She was just sitting me down around

all these crystals and just holding

418

: 00:30:58

me and getting me recentered.

419

: 00:31:01

And the shopkeeper was also helping.

420

: 00:31:05

And in the mix, she was doing a little

bit of practice reiki on me because

421

: 00:31:09

she, that's what she was going back for.

422

: 00:31:13

But she had mentioned Rosemary Gladstar.

423

: 00:31:16

And her herbalism course online, and it

was like something hit the back of my

424

: 00:31:22

head and said, keep asking questions.

425

: 00:31:28

And I literally signed up that night.

426

: 00:31:31

I read the course review, I signed up.

427

: 00:31:33

I never looked back.

428

: 00:31:36

And holistic health and

wellness is the reason I am

429

: 00:31:41

still walking this earth today.

430

: 00:31:44

Not be just, not just because I'm

performing holistic health on myself,

431

: 00:31:50

but I'm I was mentioning this to someone

else of, I use dead plants for a reason

432

: 00:31:57

and it's because of revitalizing their

life force so that way we can still live.

433

: 00:32:06

I feel like that's my mission

is to take what is dead and bad

434

: 00:32:12

and negative and lost, and now

turning it into light and life.

435

: 00:32:19

And I genuinely like this whole

journey and my whole business journey.

436

: 00:32:26

Is my fight to keep living

because I wanna help people.

437

: 00:32:31

My first herbal medicine

I ever made, which could.

438

: 00:32:36

Was a topical herbal roller for

grounding the mind, promoting self-love,

439

: 00:32:43

reducing nervous agitation and anxiety.

440

: 00:32:46

And I was like, holy crap.

441

: 00:32:48

There is obviously a reason

for this and it's because of.

442

: 00:32:53

My body telling me I need

to be here for a reason.

443

: 00:32:57

I have a purpose that I never

knew I had up until now.

444

: 00:33:01

'cause I had to go through all of

that shit before and though it's way

445

: 00:33:07

later in life than I wanted it to.

446

: 00:33:11

I had to go through so much pain

in order to be at an elevated

447

: 00:33:17

level now to help others.

448

: 00:33:19

And it's not that I don't ever stop

thinking about certain things, like

449

: 00:33:24

when I think February is always a

very hard time for me 'cause that's

450

: 00:33:29

when my boyfriend passed away that.

451

: 00:33:32

Sneaks up on me, but I always think

about the fact that he's still

452

: 00:33:36

walking this life with me and he

would be so proud of where I am today.

453

: 00:33:41

And all of those things.

454

: 00:33:43

It, it's very interesting 'cause

even my mom said, she goes, I don't

455

: 00:33:47

even know who you are now because

I was so worried about you before.

456

: 00:33:52

And that's a really validating response

after she didn't know for so long what

457

: 00:33:59

was happening until way later in my life

working with my therapist to be able to

458

: 00:34:05

finally sit down and tell her everything.

459

: 00:34:10

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I,

for one, am absolutely thrilled

460

: 00:34:11

that you're still with us.

461

: 00:34:14

A couple of things I wanna

unpack for the audience there is.

462

: 00:34:20

First of all, that you have a very

deep well of resilience, which I think

463

: 00:34:24

is wonderful because you did have

things to do and to do for others.

464

: 00:34:30

And very often the people that do the

most for others in the most compassionate

465

: 00:34:38

way do it from what they've lived.

466

: 00:34:43

And I think that when

you said you went and.

467

: 00:34:47

You got involved in theater, that

was the first little seed of hope

468

: 00:34:54

that was given to you that you just

hung onto, and everything that you've

469

: 00:35:01

done after that, especially getting

into the herbs, is absolutely those

470

: 00:35:10

seeds that bloom, that make that

hope grow, that give you the ability.

471

: 00:35:17

To withstand what you've got through.

472

: 00:35:21

And I think that's incredible because

it's a very special person that can

473

: 00:35:27

take all of that and turn it into

such positivity and such a gift

474

: 00:35:34

for the people that you work with.

475

: 00:35:39

And I just wanna say I

totally feel for you because.

476

: 00:35:45

Losing the people that you've worked

with and during COVID, it being so

477

: 00:35:51

difficult for any of us to see those

people to, people were having funerals

478

: 00:35:59

and they couldn't have anybody there.

479

: 00:36:03

They were just, like the wife or the

husband or that's all you could have.

480

: 00:36:09

And it's so difficult when we

don't get to go through the rituals

481

: 00:36:16

that we have for life and death.

482

: 00:36:20

It's really hard for us

to process that and go on.

483

: 00:36:26

Cara Marino: Yes.

484

: 00:36:27

I think what's also important is when

you're in such a dark place, we forget

485

: 00:36:33

the importance of spirituality and for

crying out loud, if worshiping a pickle

486

: 00:36:37

makes you happy, I have no judgment.

487

: 00:36:41

But it's, you need something

else to hold on for you in the

488

: 00:36:46

process of you figuring it out.

489

: 00:36:50

And again, spirituality

doesn't equate to religion.

490

: 00:36:54

No.

491

: 00:36:54

It's just walking the path

of vibration and energy.

492

: 00:36:58

And as long as you keep getting

up every day, and you might not

493

: 00:37:03

accomplish everything you want during

that day, but the fact that you got

494

: 00:37:07

up and you took a step and you got

even one medial task done, or maybe

495

: 00:37:13

you remembered to feed yourself like.

496

: 00:37:15

That is always a win.

497

: 00:37:17

Those small things are always a win

because there were so many times

498

: 00:37:23

I would stop eating because when

you're in just such a bad depressive

499

: 00:37:27

state, nothing is enjoyable.

500

: 00:37:30

Not even your favorite foods or

drinks, like nothing is enjoyable, but.

501

: 00:37:37

I don't know where this resilience came

in, but I am, I'm very grateful for it.

502

: 00:37:44

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

503

: 00:37:44

Yeah.

504

: 00:37:44

No I think it's absolutely wonderful.

505

: 00:37:47

And to another point I wanted

to hit on is your mom, your dad.

506

: 00:37:53

Very often when we are in that

dark place, it's really hard

507

: 00:38:00

because for so many generations.

508

: 00:38:04

People did not talk about anything to do

with suicide or ideation or mental health,

509

: 00:38:11

any of it, and for many years, okay?

510

: 00:38:14

People are still out there thinking

oh, I don't wanna say the suicide word.

511

: 00:38:19

What if I drive someone to suicide?

512

: 00:38:22

When in fact the opposite

is absolutely the truth.

513

: 00:38:26

If you think someone is struggling,

then say something, because the

514

: 00:38:33

first thing that happens is that

person knows that they're being seen.

515

: 00:38:39

Give them the benefit of

your attention and even, give

516

: 00:38:47

somebody 10 minutes, they look.

517

: 00:38:48

Just no judgment, no nothing.

518

: 00:38:51

I'll listen.

519

: 00:38:53

But I see you struggling.

520

: 00:38:57

Just tell me, how do you feel?

521

: 00:39:01

And it's not about fixing people, it's

not about coming up with the exact

522

: 00:39:06

solution or any solution for that matter.

523

: 00:39:10

It can be just listening and just

letting that person be seen and heard.

524

: 00:39:19

It just

525

: 00:39:20

Cara Marino: takes, yeah, it just takes

one person because yeah, if not for my

526

: 00:39:26

best friend I would not be here because

all she did was say, we're gonna go here.

527

: 00:39:33

And that gave me a task to do.

528

: 00:39:35

And she didn't ask further.

529

: 00:39:38

She didn't ask for for more questions.

530

: 00:39:41

She never said, wow, you

were really being dramatic.

531

: 00:39:45

It's just offering, Hey, what's going on?

532

: 00:39:49

Or Hey, let's do something to allow the

person a safe space to naturally open up.

533

: 00:39:57

It is vital because if you overstimulate

the person, they're going to

534

: 00:40:04

just wall themselves off again.

535

: 00:40:07

Yeah.

536

: 00:40:08

Because that's what our

brains are trained to do.

537

: 00:40:10

When you have suicidal ideation, it's

keeping these mental walls up and knowing

538

: 00:40:17

when to do it exactly at the right time.

539

: 00:40:19

When there's a situation that

you should be like, oh, hey,

540

: 00:40:23

this person actually is caring.

541

: 00:40:25

I should let these walls come down.

542

: 00:40:28

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And it's

because we don't have conversations

543

: 00:40:33

about suicide day to day.

544

: 00:40:36

That everybody tiptoes on eggs

rather than say something.

545

: 00:40:42

We have to get past that.

546

: 00:40:44

We have to be able to talk about all

the difficult subjects in exactly the

547

: 00:40:50

same way we talk about having a party

or seeing a new baby or getting a puppy

548

: 00:40:56

Cara Marino: or a cat or

549

: 00:40:57

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: whatever.

550

: 00:40:58

All of those things.

551

: 00:41:00

Need to be part of our day-to-day

conversations so that we are allowing

552

: 00:41:06

people to be fully themselves.

553

: 00:41:10

The good, the bad, the indifferent.

554

: 00:41:13

If we try to erase or shut out those

parts of people, it's not seeing them

555

: 00:41:21

at all, and that's what loses hope.

556

: 00:41:26

Cara Marino: I, and again,

yeah I absolutely agree.

557

: 00:41:29

And the term suicide, like when

someone hears the word suicide,

558

: 00:41:34

it stops you in your tracks.

559

: 00:41:36

And I have to voice my concern about

the social media generation of using the

560

: 00:41:42

term unli, and it doesn't have the same.

561

: 00:41:47

Yeah, deafening tone.

562

: 00:41:48

It's taking away from what people are

struggling from because of the censorship

563

: 00:41:54

or the now jokes around feeling these

feelings, and it's it's really not like

564

: 00:42:03

that outside of social media platform.

565

: 00:42:04

Form, please.

566

: 00:42:05

No, for those listening,

it's not like that.

567

: 00:42:08

When you use the word suicide, people

are going to stop and stare and you're

568

: 00:42:13

either gonna find out they wanna help you

or you need to find somewhere else to go.

569

: 00:42:18

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

570

: 00:42:19

And to that point, I've said this

many times, I'm gonna say it one

571

: 00:42:24

more time 'cause it's important.

572

: 00:42:27

I heard we were watching TV the

other night and in the program,

573

: 00:42:33

I don't know if it was a.

574

: 00:42:34

Police procedural or something, but

they still said committed suicide.

575

: 00:42:42

We do not use that term because in

North America, for the most part,

576

: 00:42:52

attempted suicide is no longer a crime.

577

: 00:42:57

That was only true as of 1966 in America.

578

: 00:43:03

In 1972 in Canada, except for Virginia,

which still has a law on the books.

579

: 00:43:14

There are many countries around

the world that still consider it a

580

: 00:43:18

crime, and people in those countries

are working on changing that.

581

: 00:43:25

But we have to call it

out because this is why.

582

: 00:43:31

We have so much coverup, so much angst,

so much shame, so much stigma because

583

: 00:43:40

people are still so bottled up about this.

584

: 00:43:46

We, we have to open up, we have

to use the right terminology.

585

: 00:43:51

We have to understand you

don't wanna trigger people.

586

: 00:43:56

This is a very deep and important subject.

587

: 00:44:00

It's dangerous, but we have to use the

terminology because these conversations

588

: 00:44:08

are more important than ever.

589

: 00:44:12

And when I tell you that in the

past month, I know of three young

590

: 00:44:20

kids in America, eight 11 and 12.

591

: 00:44:28

That took their own lives

because of bullying.

592

: 00:44:34

We have to talk about this

because that cannot happen.

593

: 00:44:39

This has to stop.

594

: 00:44:41

And I know like lately, at the

end of every show, I get on my

595

: 00:44:46

soapbox because I just cannot

have the world be silent on this.

596

: 00:44:54

We have to start valuing human

beings every single human being.

597

: 00:45:05

That's Nevermind your labels.

598

: 00:45:07

Nevermind your whatever.

599

: 00:45:09

Okay.

600

: 00:45:10

We are first and foremost humans,

and every single one of us matters

601

: 00:45:16

Cara Marino: a hundred percent.

602

: 00:45:19

Like we only have one life.

603

: 00:45:22

To live that we know of.

604

: 00:45:26

Yeah.

605

: 00:45:26

Yes.

606

: 00:45:27

People are always, a lot of times I say,

and I've learned now that when you are

607

: 00:45:36

a bright light, all the darkness will

do everything it can to snuff you out.

608

: 00:45:44

Do not let it snuff you out because

there are people that do care.

609

: 00:45:51

You just, it's tiresome.

610

: 00:45:53

It is an exhausting journey,

but there will be someone.

611

: 00:45:58

Just one who will show you that

they want you to be on this

612

: 00:46:04

earth because you hold value.

613

: 00:46:08

And then when you can find

validation within yourself and

614

: 00:46:12

nobody else, that is when true.

615

: 00:46:15

Change happens because I can tell

you now if someone bullies me.

616

: 00:46:20

I've done boxing.

617

: 00:46:21

I have light TaeKwonDo training

and light MMA training now because

618

: 00:46:25

my senses are also a reason I

have this boost of confidence.

619

: 00:46:29

I will put you on your ass now.

620

: 00:46:33

But that came again from just

trudging through these waters.

621

: 00:46:41

The minute you give up and you.

622

: 00:46:44

Go to that other side,

you can't take it back.

623

: 00:46:48

And there's no do-overs.

624

: 00:46:50

No.

625

: 00:46:50

And it's not worth it.

626

: 00:46:52

It's not because there's so

much to life that is good.

627

: 00:46:58

We just need to blow your

black cloud somewhere else.

628

: 00:47:02

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah, because

it's a very permanent solution to

629

: 00:47:05

what amounts to a temporary problem.

630

: 00:47:12

I cannot thank you enough

for joining me here today.

631

: 00:47:15

Cara, I you are wise beyond your

years, and you have not only found

632

: 00:47:24

the silver lining, but you have

taken and rung all the good out of

633

: 00:47:30

the trauma you have gone through.

634

: 00:47:33

I can tell you there, there are tons

of people who are thankful for that.

635

: 00:47:38

I love what you do.

636

: 00:47:40

I love how you talk about it.

637

: 00:47:43

And I know the audience saw when you

started talking about occupational

638

: 00:47:47

therapy and your seniors, you lit

up like a candle and that joy,

639

: 00:47:56

nobody can pretend that's real.

640

: 00:48:02

So I thank you so much.

641

: 00:48:05

I hope somewhere down the road we come

back and have another discussion about

642

: 00:48:09

your journey and where you're at.

643

: 00:48:12

Cara Marino: I would love that.

644

: 00:48:13

Thank you again for everything

that you do for our community.

645

: 00:48:19

And thank you for allowing me

for the first time to actually

646

: 00:48:24

feel comfortable talking about.

647

: 00:48:28

My trauma and my story that I've

never really gotten to be able to do.

648

: 00:48:33

You are a very kind and warming soul, so

thank you for having this space for us,

649

: 00:48:42

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Cara, that you've just given

650

: 00:48:44

me such an incredible gift.

651

: 00:48:45

Thank you.

652

: 00:48:47

Thank you so much.

653

: 00:48:48

Thank you.

654

: 00:48:52

To our audience, this

has been Cara Marino.

655

: 00:48:55

All her information will be

down below and all the show

656

: 00:49:00

notes, et cetera, will be there.

657

: 00:49:01

How you can contact her,

that'll all be there as well.

658

: 00:49:06

As usual, I just am very thankful

that you are here with us today.

659

: 00:49:12

I wanna say to our audience and

to you too, Cara, make the very

660

: 00:49:16

most of your today, every day.

661

: 00:49:19

And we will see you next time.

662

: 00:49:25

Voiceover: Bye.

663

: 00:49:25

Thank you for being here for

another inspiring episode

664

: 00:49:29

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

665

: 00:49:30

We appreciate you tuning in.

666

: 00:49:32

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFS

667

: 00:49:37

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

668

: 00:49:39

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

669

: 00:49:42

it'd be greatly appreciated.

670

: 00:49:44

Please refer this to a friend you

know, who may benefit from the hope

671

: 00:49:47

and an inspiration from our guests.

672

: 00:49:50

Music: Suicide

673

: 00:49:51

Voiceover: Zen Forgiveness was

brought to you by the following

674

: 00:49:53

sponsors, true social media, the

Digital Integration Specialists.

675

: 00:49:58

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676

: 00:50:02

Canada's keynote, humorous,

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677

: 00:50:06

comedian, author, and standup coach.

678

: 00:50:08

Second City, Judy has been involved

for over a decade in the City

679

: 00:50:12

Street Outreach program in Toronto.

680

: 00:50:14

Ultimate

681

: 00:50:15

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: on asking Hack.

682

: 00:50:17

This is great.

683

: 00:50:20

You're just starting a podcast.

684

: 00:50:22

Or if you've been running it for a

while, it's filled Tools, template

685

: 00:50:27

and training starting growing

686

: 00:50:29

Music: press.

687

: 00:50:29

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Monetizing your podcast.

688

: 00:50:39

Find new connections

689

: 00:50:43

in uplifting podcasting Community

forward to seeing you there.

690

: 00:50:49

Voiceover: Do you have a story to share?

691

: 00:50:52

Do you know someone you

think would be a great guest?

692

: 00:50:55

Please go to SZF four two.com

693

: 00:50:58

and for our American

listers, that's SZF two.com.

694

: 00:51:03

Thank you for listening, and

we hope to see you again.