Episode 30

From Beauty Sleep to Broken Hearts: Tracey's Unfiltered Truth About Suicide Loss

From Beauty Sleep to Broken Hearts: Tracey's Unfiltered Truth About Suicide Loss

Tracey Barraclough isn’t here to sugarcoat anything. She’s here to talk about the hard, messy truth of what happens when someone you love dies by suicide—and you’re left holding the grief, the guilt, the secrets, and the "should-haves." In this gut-wrenching conversation with Elaine, Tracey shares the final days of her brother Nikki, the tangled family dynamics that haunted him, and the heartbreaking moment she realized she might have missed the signs. This episode is an unflinching tribute to Nikki’s memory—and a call to action to truly hear the ones we love before it’s too late.

💥 What We Talk About:

  • Losing her brother Nikki to suicide at age 24
  • How family secrets can erode mental health
  • The myth of “he seemed fine” and masking pain
  • Letting go of suicide notes and what they really hold
  • Why we must say the word “suicide” out loud
  • Learning to listen—and to hear
  • How Nikki’s daughter became a gift
  • What Tracey would say to anyone standing in similar shoes

📞 If You’re in Crisis:

If you're in North America, text 988 for free, 24/7 support.

Elsewhere? Please reach out to your local suicide prevention or mental health hotline. #YouMatter

💬 Subscribe, rate, and share if this episode moved you. It could be the lifeline someone else didn’t know they needed. #ConverSAVEtions

00:00 Introduction and Mission Statement

00:42 Trigger Warnings and Support Resources

01:23 Guest Introduction: Tracey Barraclough

02:11 Tracey's Story: Coping with Loss

06:24 Nikki's Struggles and Family Dynamics

13:34 The Final Days and Reflections

22:08 Reflecting on Heartbreaking Notes

23:30 The Impact of a Mother's Illness

24:31 Family Dynamics and Denial

25:56 Nikki's Struggles and Final Notes

31:55 The Importance of Listening

36:56 Honoring Nikki's Memory

40:34 Closing Remarks and Call to Action

Bio

Tracey Barraclough Dip.THyp.

Clinical Hypnotherapist

Health & WellBeing Mentor

Inspirational Speaker

Former Lunch Mate/Contributor~Steph’s Packed Lunch Channel 4 

Former Contributor~BBC Radio Leeds

Shortlisted Woman of Courage 2010~Yorkshire Women of Achievement Awards

Shortlisted Yorkshire’s Most Inspirational Person 2016~Yorkshire Choice Awards

🔗 How to Connect with Tracey Barraclough:

LinkedIn: Tracey Barraclough

Website: traceybarraclough.com

X: iamicaniwill

FB: @traceyinspiration

IG: Tracey.barracloughtherapist

You Tube: @TraceyBarracloughInspiration

Transcript
Speaker:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

suicide, zen forgiveness,

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shattering stigma Igniting Hope.

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I'm Elaine Lindsay.

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And my mission is to end the silence, the

stigma, the shame surrounding suicide.

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And mental health.

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. We talk about the hard stuff

because asking for help should

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be as easy as ordering a coffee.

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Here we share real stories from

those who've lost someone survived

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an attempt live with ideation or

battle mental health challenges.

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Why?

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Because sharing your burden lightened the

load, please note Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

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The podcast is for education only.

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Some of the subject matter could be

triggering for those who are either

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grieving or having mental health issues.

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If you are in north America, you

can text 9 8 8 for immediate support.

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And if you're elsewhere, please

reach out to your local suicide

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hotline or mental health service.

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You matter.

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My aim is to normalize the conversation so

you feel safe enough to speak up to help.

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now let's start the show.

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Hello there.

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. It's good to be back.

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And today I have a lovely guest with

me all the way from the uk, Tracey

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Barraclough she is here with me.

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Thank you so much.

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It's so lovely to see you and I

realize it's a little late there.

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Tracey Barraclough: Way past my bedtime.

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I need my beauty sleep.

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Elaine.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

I think you look lovely.

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Thank you.

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Tracey, tell us a little bit about

Tracey and then we'll get into her story.

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But first let's hear a

little bit about her.

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Tracey Barraclough: Thanks for having

me on the way, it is a privilege.

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I speak my brother a lot who took

his own life, and I feel that I

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need to, but I feel that I need to

say the word suicide more because

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I've resisted that for a long time.

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There's something about

it that makes me cringe.

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I think, I stand that

word so often than not.

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I will say that's own life.

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And I've also that saying the word

suicide doesn't encourage more

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people to do, if that makes sense.

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I'm an overcomer survivor.

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I'm also a clinical hypnotherapist.

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I'm a mom.

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I'm a Nan to Elsie, who's two.

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And my brother,

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let me say, suicide 33.

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Emotional already.

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We haven't got going.

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It's okay.

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It doesn't, I'm comfortable with that.

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And he was only 24 at the time

and much had happened in a really

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short, intense space of time.

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And I remember him coming see

me , in the flat where I lived at the

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apartment as probably you guys say.

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And it was,, he used to say

to me, our last, our last.

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He said, I've used to out the girl.

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And it's broken up anyway.

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And it was still bothering him.

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Done that thing that

many of us may have done.

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I certainly have done it where you've

got a few other things that takes, that's

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how long it was, or CDs or, and whatever,

a hairbrush or something ridiculous.

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And I've got these things,

what do you think I need to do?

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And I said, look, why don't you just.

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just go see her.

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And I've got these things,

I'm bringing them back.

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And that's what he did.

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Excuse me.

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And actually, when he got there,

what happened was he, she'd gone

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upstairs with something, let him and

everything, and she'd gone upstairs

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or into another room he saw on the.

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A fridge, a calendar, and, forgive

me sometimes can't find my words.

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It's a bit I'm a bit brained

hospital appointment and the

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upshot of it was she was pregnant.

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And it transpired that he was the dad.

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And I think , she was on exactly

anymore because it wasn't there and

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it's three years ago, but of course

a lot of it I do remember vivid,

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but that's the sort of gist of it.

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Then there , not the

only potential dad makes.

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So stuff there.

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they got, they did get

together and lit it.

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It so happened in that short time and he

had a really successful, and I don't know

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if I say you guys have car Sure you do.

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Or something similar.

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Yeah, they're called.

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Garage sales.

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So same thing my dad at the time, an

entrepreneur, he got sorted and organized

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the first car boot sale in our area.

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It was the very first one.

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It was huge.

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And my brother, who was called

Nikki, or Nicholas, but we

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call it, had a burger van.

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On the site where the car boot sale was.

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And he made An absolute killing because

this ran every Sunday, it's and it

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got bigger and so it made a money.

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And at the time made

him total 10,000 pounds.

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don't know what the equivalent

is now, but it were a lot then.

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But 30 odd years ago, it be

a lot more now, wouldn't it?

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And started to unravel, I think because he

cashed in, withdrew all the money account.

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Wow that together.

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He took her on a hold to Jamaica and

by this time, she was, was pretty

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heavily, and I remember him saying that

he was scared when he was in Jamaica,

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I think he felt quite vulnerable.

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She was so heavily pregnant.

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All these things had happened

and we were like, what on?

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The hell is he drawn out all his more.

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But that's what he chose to do.

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And then next thing we

know is organizing wedding.

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And that was October.

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They got married two weeks

later, he was born and she's 33.

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She's so beautiful.

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And then, and by the

Christmas it was all over.

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It was all over.

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So I'd had to back and live

with our, and at the time my

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dad a really big house and I.

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Six bedroom, pool, Other one thing.

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and all I'm saying that there,

there was plenty of room for him,

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but to be there, of course he

wanted be with his wife and his bed.

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And on Christmas day that the

picture that I use of them.

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Because it's more personal to me and

sometimes I think when I'm putting

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it on social media, I think, people

are gonna be so bored photograph.

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But point I make is that, he was

a good looking guy, And I know I'm

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bad, but I've got eyes as well.

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He looked like a guy out of a

pop band, got another brother.

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They were only few months between

him and there was five guys that

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used to come together and they

literally looked was Miami Vice,

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a boy band, all wrapped into one.

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They were just gorgeous.

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The, in this photograph, it's.

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I'd gone to, I'd been to

pick the baby up actually.

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And he, and he'd come back to my dad's.

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I was there at my dad's as well,

and I was supposed to be going to

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his house for Christmas dinner.

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That was the arrangement I.

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See, he seemed his normal self.

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And in that photograph, he's

actually got the baby on his lap.

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And of course she, she's only, she was

born in, at the end of the Oct October.

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This was Christmas Day.

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So just weeks old.

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And the point I made with the

photograph is that he's smiling.

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He's smiling and he looks just you.

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All right.

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Maybe would in a photograph and.

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We put a smile on.

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Anyway we said it's time to go.

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So said bye to my dad.

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Got in the car and I'm thinking, I'm going

back to his house, for Christmas dinner.

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This was at his wife's house, so

it's, that's a bit vague to me now.

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But, we, he starts driving and

then he starts saying to me, I've

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got something to tell you, Alison.

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There isn't gonna be a Christmas dinner.

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Things are really bad.

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And I think my understanding and

I don't want to make assumptions

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or jump to conclusions about her,

and I wasn't there, I'm any of us.

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I wasn't there in their relationship

and all I could think about was

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myself because I'm what the hell?

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It's Christmas day.

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What am I gonna do now?

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And I felt really upset for me.

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And I couldn't get my head round it.

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And

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I just thought, I remembering,

I didn't know what to think

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anyway, except what am I gonna do?

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I didn't want to be at my

dad's for Christmas day 'cause

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Stepfamily would be there.

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And I never enjoyed it.

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From that point of view.

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So I just asked him to drop me off

at a friend's, which he did anyway.

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And do you know what?

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After calling up my friends

and I just stayed for a drink.

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I don't, I can't even remember

what happened the rest of the day,

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except I was just fuming with him,

upset and pissed off, quite frankly.

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And things went a bit downhill.

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Then from there with me and him, I was

just, I know that I was off with him.

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I was off because I just thought

my brother has really teed me off

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and it was Christmas day

and I was just wrapped up in

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myself, Anybody would be, yeah.

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Never occurred to me that,

oh God, is he all right?

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What's he going, what's going on?

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And it just blew my mind anyway.

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, I was never really right

with him after that.

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And then there was a point then

as well when he asked me if I'd

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share an apartment with him.

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And I was like, are you kidding me?

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We'd end up killing each other.

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I can't think of anything worse.

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And of course I do allow myself

occasionally to think about that.

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I try not to dwell on things because

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sometimes I know not, sometimes I

know it's not the place to go because

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I would, I don't like to think I.

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Where I'd end up.

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All I mean by that is I wouldn't be,

I wouldn't be doing anything dramatic.

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I love my life anyway, but I do

think to myself, gosh, oh God, if I

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wonder how different things would've

been if I had have gone to live

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with him and share a place with him.

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But all I was thinking was big sister.

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We often fella, argued like

siblings do, just all in it.

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Very normal.

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And, but I thought, how

different would it have been?

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And none of us know, do we?

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: No,

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Tracey Barraclough: none of us know.

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And then we're still cool with him.

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And then his wife was.

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Stirring the pot for

want of a better word.

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And

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the upshot of all that was, we seemed

to be beside him with his wife and

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going against him because he was

ah, Nikki, driving us all mad and

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annoying us all and all these things.

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I look back now and reflecting

as I'm talking to you, and I

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think it must have felt so alone.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Tracey Barraclough: And then it was

not long after that, it was Mother's

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Day in the uk and me and Nikki.

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I dunno what my other brother

was doing actually at the time.

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But me, Nikki and my mom and my stepdad

all went out for a Mother's Day drink.

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Mother's Day lunch or something like that.

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And I remember Nikki putting

his head on my shoulder

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and I remember thinking,

what's up with him?

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Said, never done anything like that

before My mum was a usual critical

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self about what he had or hadn't

bought or something like that.

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And then he bought us all drinks

and after shoulder putting his

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head on my shoulder business.

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And I just thought what's going on?

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I knew something wasn't right, but I

didn't I couldn't specify anything.

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It was what the hell's up with?

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So loving and nice and

all of those things.

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that will have been March, I

guess this is two, no,:

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and then on April 13th,

:

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And he was planning it, for about

two weeks, I would've said, and I

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don't know about your experiences,

Elaine, but perception of it is

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that, somebody might disagree.

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That's fine.

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My perception is that nothing,

they don't do anything on a whim.

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I feel that their plan quite meticulously.

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Very often that is the case.

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Yeah, that's right.

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I'm only speaking from my experience

That's all he can base it on, isn't it?

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And the things that I've come

to understand since, anyway,

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he'd driven, he'd taken a horse

pipe outta my dad's garage.

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And he drove about, between six and eight

miles close to where he'd been living

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with his wife, but it was quite remote.

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He drove down this remote, a fan

track, the chances of anybody

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seeing him will have been

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virtual yeah.

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Carbon monoxide poisoning.

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And it left four suicide notes.

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And one was, I think, and I've

still got them to this day, and I

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went through a phase of, I wanted

to, I was hanging onto these notes.

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And I actually wanted to pass them

on to my son, which now seems though

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we weird, a thought process ever.

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But I felt as though I was, if

I let go of these notes, then

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I was letting go of my brother.

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Yeah.

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And they are pretty harrowing.

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But I, at the time I went for counseling

and, and if I can hold that thought.

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What had also happened in between is that

my mom was terminally ill at the time.

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Can you believe that she was on borrowed

time, she got terminal ovarian cancer.

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Oh.

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all that going on.

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And I was seeing a

hypnotherapist to get me through.

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And, this hypnotherapist

was no longer with us.

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My brother, Nikki had been to see him.

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Nikki did try and get help.

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He tried to reach out.

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He went to see a psychiatrist

and that didn't work for him.

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And then he went to see

this hypnotherapist, who my

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mum was going to as well.

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And then I'd been going to him and

I'd know, I knew him quite well.

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The guy called him Mike, and they said to

him, I do remember him saying to me, I am.

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concerned about Nikki's

mental health at the moment.

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Now I'm now a hitting the therapist

myself, so I know that we don't

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break confidences unless we feel that

person or a third party is at risk.

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Yeah, he clearly felt he was at risk.

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To add to that story, my Nikki was

actually fathered by my godfather.

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Oh.

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the skeletons in the closet

had started coming out.

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his biological father

was my dad's best friend.

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Oh yeah.

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And him and my mom had an affair.

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When?

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When my dad was briefly aware.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Wow.

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Tracey Barraclough: Hi.

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Did you, did I cut off then?

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I might have done because my apps

closed down at a certain time.

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No, you're good.

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Okay, good.

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all that had started coming

out because, another time.

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And Nikki went out for lunch and

he said ask, he said something

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really weird's been happening.

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And I said, oh, yeah.

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Now by this time I knew about

my godfather and my mom.

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Okay, but what I didn't expect was what

he said next, which was, he said, I've

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been to, he was looking for a car and he

said, I've been to a couple of garages,

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and when I've been, when I've got there,

they've said to me, 'cause my dad and

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my godfather were really well known

in Bradford, in Yorkshire at the time.

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Old school entrepreneurs

and everybody knew them.

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he said, they've been saying

to me, oh, he said, they said,

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aren't you Brian Mitchell's son?

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I nearly died.

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But I kept my calm and I just

said, , oh, don't take any notice.

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He said, it's a bit

weird though, ain't it?

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Don't you think?

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I said it is.

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But don't take any notice.

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And looked the spitting image him.

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Yeah.

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My understanding is as well,

then his wife had been messing

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with his head with that scenario.

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And

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Oh,

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and it started unraveling.

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Because as well, my dad was his dad.

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In every sense of the word.

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And my dad didn't know this either

till Nikki was older, when it came

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out, and, oh man, what can you imagine?

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A mess.

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And

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: that's an awful

lot for someone to have to deal with.

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Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Tracey Barraclough: Wow.

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It's mind blowing, isn't it?

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Tracey Barraclough: And do you know,

since then I've thought of people or

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somebody, like for instance, Paula Yates

who was married to Bob Geldoff and Yeah.

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One of many things who was a

troubled soul as well, wasn't she?

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And who also found out that, she

thought was her dad, wasn't her dad.

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That is some heavy stuff.

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the hypnotherapist, that's what he meant.

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he said to me, he said,

I can say to you, Tracey.

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He said that if he was to find

out right now who his real

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biological dad is, he said,

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I don't know.

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I don't know.

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Yeah, I held onto these notes for dear

life as if they were him, and then

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through work with my counselor, her

and Anna can see it so vividly now.

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We, she said we'll shred them.

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Let's shred them.

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And she actually physically held one side

of the note and I held the over and I

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did it with all thought and let them go.

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And afterwards I was like, what

the hell was I thinking that

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I might give them to my son?

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Talk about burdening him.

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And it all seemed a bit nuts,

but then not that some years ago

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but not that long ago in a sense.

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I got a hypnotherapy client who worked

at the Regi at the registry in Bradford,

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and through a conversation I said.

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Would you be able to get a

copy of those notes for me?

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And she did.

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Wow.

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She did.

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I I've got them again, but I

don't attach the, they're not him.

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Yeah.

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And in fact, when you read them

as I said, they're harrowing

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because they're so heartbreaking.

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But when you break them down

they're not really in, because

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he wasn't in the right mind.

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And one thing that does stand out

that he said it because it was April.

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He said it's starting to snow here.

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He said,

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I love the snow.

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Oh

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yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

It's gotta be so hard.

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For you to go through this

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and the love you have for

your brother is very evident.

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Thank you.

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It's heartbreaking to

me that entire storm of.

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Your mom being sick and the baby and

the wedding, and then the off wedding.

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All of that coming as it did at once.

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A boy has a special

bond with their mother.

375

:

And your mom having a terminal illness

had to have rocked him to his core.

376

:

Like every piece that happened

was another brick on top.

377

:

Totally.

378

:

And I think it's so sad that, people chose

to say that he looked like this other man.

379

:

I really wish people would keep their

opinions to themselves sometimes.

380

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

381

:

Me and you both.

382

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's

not anyone else's business.

383

:

Tracey Barraclough: No, it's

not People are clumsy out there.

384

:

I'm being polite there.

385

:

Because, and also interestingly,

Elaine, my mom was in denial right up

386

:

until death about what had happened.

387

:

She, her and I, we didn't,

she was an amazing woman.

388

:

Amazing.

389

:

This woman was told that

she'd got six months to live.

390

:

And she lived another seven years.

391

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Wow.

392

:

Tracey Barraclough: And

that was, testament to her,

393

:

to the power of the mind.

394

:

Yeah.

395

:

And she was bloody minded and she

said to the doctors, must be joking.

396

:

I'm going nowhere.

397

:

she was absolutely hell bent on living.

398

:

And I remember.

399

:

we would other fallout as usual.

400

:

And I said to her, I was bloody livid.

401

:

And I said to her, and by

the way, I know about Nikki.

402

:

Oh, she, I thought she

was gonna crash the car.

403

:

Yeah.

404

:

I thought, oh hell.

405

:

Oh, just had always been telling

you that nonsense, but yeah, totally

406

:

in denial right up until the end.

407

:

But I thought I've let you know that.

408

:

I know.

409

:

Yeah.

410

:

And I wasn't trying to blame her for

anything but think pieces of the jigsaw

411

:

as they do, started falling into place.

412

:

Yeah.

413

:

And she once told him that she was she,

that she was going to terminate him.

414

:

Oh.

415

:

Now, can you imagine that on, on,

as you said, all these breaks.

416

:

Yeah I know what my mum meant.

417

:

She was saying to him and just think,

just to think, 'cause she just idolized

418

:

him, I thought he was the favorite.

419

:

I'm sure it was.

420

:

And that makes sense now as well.

421

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

422

:

Tracey Barraclough: And he

was a beautiful soul as well.

423

:

even though he was annoying as a

brother, he was a beautiful soul.

424

:

and the point she was trying to make

to him was, my God, look what I've got.

425

:

And thank God I didn't

426

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

427

:

Tracey Barraclough: Terminate that.

428

:

That's what she was trying to say.

429

:

But now, afterwards I'm like,

oh gosh, that's not what we

430

:

heard.

431

:

Not what he heard Mother, for God's

sake, this is already a fragile guy.

432

:

All this stuff happened.

433

:

And then on the Daily's funeral, so

my dad had the coffee, his house had

434

:

Josh, Josh, forgive me, that's my son,

in the house with the lid off and spent

435

:

the last night with my dad and the dad.

436

:

On the day of the funeral, my

dad saw my mom and my godfather

437

:

outside having a conversation.

438

:

And that my dad said it

just absolutely floored him.

439

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Must have gutted him.

440

:

Yeah.

441

:

Tracey Barraclough: And

sometimes think, what?

442

:

What a mess.

443

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: What a mess.

444

:

It was just going through my head all the

445

:

all the pain that ricocheted off

446

:

these events.

447

:

I don't think if you took out any one

event, the end would have changed.

448

:

I agree.

449

:

I think there was just too many of them.

450

:

You know that the deck

was stacked against him.

451

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

452

:

And I think he will have known, we,

we know things don't we as humans, we

453

:

know things on a really deep level.

454

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

455

:

Tracey Barraclough: And I think he will

have known from the day that he was born.

456

:

That there was something

457

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: different.

458

:

Tracey Barraclough: And

that's something different.

459

:

And I know that in one of his notes

he'd also said, he said some, did

460

:

one note was to my dad, one note

was to everybody as a collective.

461

:

One was to my mom and one was to his

wife and Emma and my dad had things were

462

:

obviously bubbling under, and Emma and

my dad were having fallouts as well, and.

463

:

Nikki said something about, he

said, my personality, I know that

464

:

we didn't always see eye to eye.

465

:

He said it, it was me.

466

:

He was blaming himself.

467

:

He said it, it was my personality.

468

:

It clashed with everybody.

469

:

Oh.

470

:

Which of course wasn't

true, I can get it and I.

471

:

Just not long after he'd died and we

were sat in the garden at my mom's

472

:

house and it was a beautiful sunny day

and she was asleep in the deck chair.

473

:

And I remember looking at her thinking,

what on earth are you going through?

474

:

You're dying yourself.

475

:

Not that she ever used that terminology.

476

:

She was always keen to

say, I'm living with.

477

:

Yeah.

478

:

From my perspective, I'm looking

at this woman has lost her baby.

479

:

Yeah.

480

:

And still somehow fighting for

forever, every last breath.

481

:

I found that absolutely astonishing.

482

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

It's amazing when we see the

483

:

strength of those around us.

484

:

Because in, in some ways,

Nikki had incredible strength.

485

:

To mask it all.

486

:

Yeah.

487

:

So that you didn't really suspect

because he had to be masking all

488

:

of that for a good long time.

489

:

For sure.

490

:

Yeah,

491

:

Tracey Barraclough: for sure.

492

:

My mom said.

493

:

And when we start looking

back and reflecting and she

494

:

said, but again we don't know.

495

:

But she said, she said he'd stopped

doing something in particular and he'd

496

:

got shoulder length air by this time.

497

:

And as I said, honestly, gorgeous.

498

:

And he used to go to my mom's house, stand

in front of the mirror, throw his head

499

:

forward, and then throw his hair back and.

500

:

And say, oh, out a gorgeous,

or out handsome, or something

501

:

like that, making a joke.

502

:

And she realized that

it'd stopped doing that.

503

:

Oh, wow.

504

:

It stopped doing that.

505

:

Yeah.

506

:

It also now answers the, in

putting his head on my shoulder

507

:

in the pub and certain things.

508

:

But

509

:

how do we even know that they're

gonna do something like that?

510

:

You can't.

511

:

It's not possible, is it?

512

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: No.

513

:

No.

514

:

all the, if onlys and woulda and shoulda

and coulda will not change things.

515

:

One wit there's nothing any of us

could have done for those that we lose.

516

:

Absolutely.

517

:

When it becomes

518

:

helpful.

519

:

So much earlier than any

of us seem to ever know.

520

:

And now part of doing this show

is about telling people that the

521

:

most important thing we can do for

another human being is to listen.

522

:

And I was on a different podcast and

I was saying, if it takes duct tape

523

:

your mouth, talk to a teen or a young

person or a 20 something who seems to

524

:

be having a hard time and say, write it.

525

:

I will listen.

526

:

I'm, I will not say anything.

527

:

I just wanna listen because that's

very often what people are missing.

528

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yes, absolutely.

529

:

And I have a thing as well about

530

:

listen, but actually hear.

531

:

Yeah.

532

:

Don't just listen, hear.

533

:

I, if I say I've had to learn

that, all I mean by that is, I

534

:

have to listen in my therapy work.

535

:

I'm also a little chatter box, and I'm,

I love people and I love connecting,

536

:

and I'm quite an extrovert so I still

have to, zip it and know when to zip it.

537

:

I do, I'm an empath so I can feel when.

538

:

We know when to do that, I've had

friends say maybe about a husband

539

:

situation and he wasn't listening.

540

:

I'll say it, it was listening,

but it He wasn't hearing you.

541

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: One of,

one of the, early on you were talking

542

:

about the word suicide and it is.

543

:

Over time, in the Catholic

religion, it was always the

544

:

worst sin you could ever commit.

545

:

It was always handled that way.

546

:

It is, for the most

part, no longer a crime.

547

:

And that's why we don't use

the term committed anymore.

548

:

America changed in 1966

and Canada changed in:

549

:

Oh, really?

550

:

Yeah.

551

:

That's pretty late.

552

:

It's still on the books in Virginia,

in America, and there are a lot

553

:

of countries around the world

where it is still on the books.

554

:

Saying took one's life or saying died

by suicide is certainly much preferable.

555

:

But asking someone if they're considering

suicide does not cause them to suicide.

556

:

No.

557

:

May open a door so that you can

have a conversation that could

558

:

ultimately save that person.

559

:

And I've coined a term that we wanna

have the save conversa conversations.

560

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

561

:

I

562

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: like that.

563

:

That's what we need.

564

:

And it comes from.

565

:

Stepping up to listen and

you're absolutely right.

566

:

It's being sure that you

are hearing what is said.

567

:

Very often in conversations, people

will be so busy anticipating that a

568

:

break is coming and they're figuring

out what they're going to say back.

569

:

They're not really listening

to what's being said.

570

:

Absolutely.

571

:

And it can be super frustrating

when you are trying to, tell someone

572

:

something deep or something important.

573

:

I think.

574

:

I think as a species, humans

need to take into consideration

575

:

those around us, not even in our

family, our tribe, our village.

576

:

But those people that are marginalized,

that are on the periphery, we

577

:

have a lot of homeless people.

578

:

We have a lot of what they call

unhoused people, and I'm always asking

579

:

people to give 10 minutes a month.

580

:

And listen to one person.

581

:

One person.

582

:

Tell them, I'm going to sit

here with you for 10 minutes.

583

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

584

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

What do you need to say?

585

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

586

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And then,

and listen with all your heart.

587

:

And if we do that, I think we will

have a much lower number of suicides.

588

:

Because when you make someone feel seen

and heard, they can pay a little more

589

:

attention to keeping themselves alive.

590

:

Yeah.

591

:

Yeah.

592

:

I have to really thank you for what

I know has been a painful journey.

593

:

Yet you painted a beautiful

picture of your brother, Nikki.

594

:

Thank you.

595

:

And I betcha he's smiling,

knowing that, he's handsome.

596

:

Yeah, I hope so.

597

:

And knowing that you are sharing his

name, because I think it's super important

598

:

for us to keep their memories alive.

599

:

By saying their name and keeping

those that we lose alive with

600

:

our friends and our family.

601

:

However, we have lost that person.

602

:

I don't think there's a difference.

603

:

I think we need to keep them all close.

604

:

Yeah, for sure.

605

:

Forever.

606

:

And for his daughter, I

think that's important.

607

:

Yeah,

608

:

Tracey Barraclough: absolutely.

609

:

She we're super close.

610

:

I spoke to her this morning and

she's beautiful in every sense of

611

:

the word, and I didn't see her for

about 10 years because I refuse to.

612

:

Play along with her mum, if you like.

613

:

And I can be a bit hotheaded and

a bit feisty like that, she'll

614

:

have to come to me and I'm not

doing this and I'm not doing that.

615

:

Will live and learn.

616

:

I'm still learning, but I also.

617

:

Felt that she would come to me and

that I wanted her to do that rather

618

:

than me go chasing or searching.

619

:

Do you know what I mean?

620

:

Does that make sense?

621

:

She did, it must be 12 years ago now,

and I adore her and she, I say to

622

:

her so much, she's literally a gift.

623

:

Yeah she's a gift.

624

:

And I've got Nikki's photograph,

the one that I share all the

625

:

time, on my bedside cabinets.

626

:

It's always been there and it's, as

I said, it's the one I've been on

627

:

Christmas day, but even now, five

minutes before our, our interview, I

628

:

said to him a kid, I need you with me.

629

:

I know you with me.

630

:

I need you with me.

631

:

But also.

632

:

I've got a lot to thank him for Elaine.

633

:

I've got a lot to thank him for.

634

:

Yeah,

635

:

absolutely.

636

:

The person I'm now, I

wouldn't be where I am now.

637

:

Would I prefer to have him back?

638

:

Of course I would.

639

:

But he's brought me a lot.

640

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And I think

that's the best way to honor those

641

:

we've lost, is to savor their memories.

642

:

Tracey Barraclough: Yeah.

643

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

644

:

Tracey Barraclough: And

to live our lives is

645

:

as best,

646

:

as fully, as best we can,

as fully and as best we can.

647

:

I think I'm so grateful to you, honestly.

648

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Thank you so

much for coming and sharing Nikki with us.

649

:

And it's, I think it's really

important that everybody remembers that

650

:

suicide is not to be hidden anymore.

651

:

It's important that we talk

about this, that we have those

652

:

conversations that will help someone.

653

:

If you're not sure, if somebody, you're

not quite sure what's going on with them.

654

:

Please ask.

655

:

I think that's important.

656

:

make sure that you have those

conversations that are so difficult,

657

:

but are so important for us to have.

658

:

I'm Elaine Lindsay, my guest, Tracey

Barraclough from the UK has been with

659

:

us today and we salute her brother,

Nikki, for being with us as well.

660

:

Make the very most of your today,

every day, and we'll see you next time.

661

:

Take care, please.

662

:

Voiceover: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

663

:

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

664

:

We appreciate you tuning in.

665

:

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFZ42

666

:

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

667

:

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

668

:

they'd be greatly appreciated.

669

:

Please refer this to a friend you

know, who may benefit from the hope

670

:

and inspiration from our guests.

671

:

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672

:

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673

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674

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676

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677

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678

:

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679

:

Ultimate

680

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: on asking Path,

681

:

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682

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683

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684

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685

:

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686

:

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687

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688

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689

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691

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Show artwork for Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Shattering Stigma Igniting Hope

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