Episode 40

James Donaldson: From NBA to Near-Oblivion

9 40

James Donaldson: From NBA to Near-Oblivion

Show Notes

James Donaldson isn’t just a former NBA player. He’s a man who nearly didn’t make it. After a series of blows—major surgeries, losing his mom, a marriage breakdown, and closing his business—James was swallowed by suicidal ideation for a full year. But he clawed his way back.

Now through Your Gift of Life Foundation, James speaks to youth, communities, and especially men, about the courage to say: “I’m not okay.” He challenges the stigma, opens conversations that save lives, and works to build a pipeline of diverse mental health professionals for the future.

If you’ve ever felt like tomorrow is impossible—this conversation proves it isn’t.

💥 What We Talk About

  • The collapse: surgeries, grief, financial loss, and isolation.
  • Twelve months of suicidal ideation—and what pulled James through.
  • Why men struggle to ask for help (and why that silence is deadly).
  • How today’s youth are being raised by phones, not people.
  • His foundation’s mission to bring hope and representation to mental health care.
  • The book Celebrating Your Gift of Life and its practical tools.

🔗 Connect with James Donaldson

🌐 CelebratingYourGiftOfLife.com

📘 Celebrating Your Gift of Life (signed copies available on his site)

📌 Founder: Your Gift of Life Foundation

📞 If You’re in Crisis

  • In North America: dial or text 988 for free, 24/7 support.
  • Elsewhere: please reach out to your local suicide prevention hotline.
  • #YouMatter

💬 Subscribe, Rate & Share

If this story moved you, share it. It could be the lifeline someone else didn’t know they needed.

#ConverSAVEtions

Bio

James Donaldson (Basketball Player, Author, Mental Health Advocate)

  • Born: August 16, 1957, Heacham, England
  • Height: 7'2"
  • NBA Career: Played 14 seasons (1980–1995) with teams including the Seattle SuperSonics, San Diego/Los Angeles Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, New York Knicks, and Utah Jazz. He was an NBA All-Star in 1988 and led the league in field goal percentage in 1985.
  • Post-NBA: Continued playing in Europe until 1999.
  • Off the Court: Founded The Donaldson Clinic (1990–2018), ran for Seattle mayor in 2009 and 2021, and became a motivational speaker focusing on mental health and suicide prevention.

James is a Washington State University graduate (’79). 

He now devotes the majority of his time to toward the Gift of Life Foundation, speaking on mental health awareness and suicide prevention.  He published “Celebrating Your Gift of Life” in 2021. www.celebratingyourgiftoflife.com James frequently conducts speaking engagements (motivational, inspirational, educational) for organizations, schools, youth groups and also is the author of the published “Standing Above the Crowd” of which you can learn more about at www.standingabovethecrowd.com

Links & Socials

Twitter: @YourGiftofLife1


Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All website

©2025-2018 Elaine Lindsay SZF42.com All rights reserved.

https://suicide-zen-forgiveness.captivate.fm/episode/james-donaldson-from-nba-to-near-oblivion

Elaine Lindsay

Explicit

Transcript
Theme Song:

When moving forward seems too much.

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When you feel totally out of touch,

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out the door, you find yourself.

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Curled on the floor.

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The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

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Why is this brain so darkly obsessed?

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I have secrets I've never confessed.

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Haven't told the soul

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I'm depressed.

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A gentle whisper through the

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rainbows.

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Follow.

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Breathe deeply.

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Hold on.

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Your hope will return.

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Shining breath.

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Out, let your strength be shown.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Hello there.

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It's Elaine Lindy.

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This is suicide and forgiveness.

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And today I am here with my guest.

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This is James Donaldson.

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Hello, James.

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James Donaldson: All

right, good afternoon.

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How are you today?

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I'm

great, and thank you so much

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for joining me here today.

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We're going to have a talk about James

and about your Gift of Life Foundation,

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and we're gonna start with me letting

James tell us a bit about who he is and

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what he does and why, and then we'll

get into his story as we usually do.

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So go ahead James.

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Give us a little bit about you.

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James Donaldson: All right.

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I live in Seattle, Washington.

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I've been here about 40 plus years

45 years, and have loved it up here

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in the northwest, Pacific Northwest.

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So for all these years I've been quite

a few different things over the years.

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Professional athlete at one time

a bus, small business owner.

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Now the the owner of this nonprofit

foundation, I started up Your Gift of

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Life Foundation, which is behind me there.

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And so those are the three big major

careers of my life and accomplishments.

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And so currently I spend a lot

of time speaking to our youth,

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especially middle schools and high

schools students, about mental

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health awareness, suicide prevention.

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And as we all know, they're.

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They are still greatly impacted

from the COVID years, the pandemic.

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And now living in this age of social

media and iPhones and everything else

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they have a total different upbringing.

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There's a great book out.

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I call the Anxious Generation and he talks

about a phone-based childhood instead of

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a play-based childhood, which we all had.

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So these kids are having a phone-based

childhood, and that's the furthest

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thing from reality and real life

which we all need in growing up and

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forming and forging permanent and

lifelong friendships and relationships.

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I'm fearful a lot of our young people

just won't have when they get a

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little bit further down the road.

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My other audience I speak to, speak

with and love working with is men.

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Trying to get men to be okay not being

okay to ask for help, to realize they need

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help at times and to reach out for help

and get them more comfortable with that.

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That's a tough nut to crack.

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But little by little if

we can get more men to.

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Be okay and to speak on this topic, like

I speak on it and that would go so much

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further towards so many of our men living

a life of isolation and independent and

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by themselves and not having a lot of

friends and not having a support network.

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Yeah.

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All those things are crucial,

especially as we get a little bit older.

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I'm 68 years old now, so I've

been around doing this for a while

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and living this life for a while.

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And so many men would get to this

age, we've gone through a marriage

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or two, we've gone through the kids

or grown up, they're out of the way.

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And now we find ourselves all by

ourselves trying to figure it out

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and it's just not a good thing.

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So that's what I do.

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That's who I am, and that's the

work that I'm doing currently.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Wow.

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Wow.

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That's it's a lot and

it's incredibly important.

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Men are the.

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I wanna say di the demographic

probably for me, it's close to

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youth that we are losing the most.

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And I'm older than you.

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I'll be 70 in November.

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All right.

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And I can totally attest

to being an outdoor child.

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I left the house, bolted out that

door, the MO and I could in summer.

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And only came back on penalty of death.

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I was not one to stay in the house.

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We were always in the ravines and

climbing trees and getting that

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fresh air and that vitamin D.

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But as a girl and now a

woman, I was brought up.

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Knowing that men were to be strong and

silent they took care of everything.

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They were stoic.

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They, they were always the calm

in the storm and that's horrible.

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It's horrible because.

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I've told the story once before.

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We were at home in Scotland.

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We were staying at my grandparents.

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I don't know what happened.

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I don't know any of it, but in the

middle of the night, my father was

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sitting on the edge of the bed.

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My mom was beside him, and his shoulders

were shaking, and it took my breath away

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because my father was a military man.

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My father was the rock.

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For our family and had to be because there

wasn't lot of illness in our family and

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things that required a rock, and it was

very hard as a woman to get past that.

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I, of course did and.

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The fact that by the end, my father

was able to be much more open than

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he had ever been because working

class people in Scotland were

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brought up, the men were stoic.

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There's that word.

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They were stoic.

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They didn't complain, they didn't

talk about their problems, and they

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certainly didn't have feelings.

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You could be angry and

you could be annoyed.

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And you could be happy.

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And that was about it.

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That was all men were allowed.

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Yeah.

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And it's it's sad that when I had my

second or my third child was my son, I.

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I didn't know what to do

with this little person.

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I didn't know how or what to teach him

or not teach him because I came from

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such a different group of generations.

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And that's exactly what you said.

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We were the play people

and they are phone people.

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And I don't think I've ever

thought of it in that way.

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The phone thing.

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But it's true.

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Kids I think most millennials don't

know how to look someone in the eye.

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No, they, they're my son is a millennial.

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He's 42, but he was a child model

and then an actor and, he had to

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look people in the face because he

went on ghosties and cattle calls

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and things that most children don't.

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So he had a different

learning through that.

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Most kids that I see in the youth

probably that you deal with,

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they don't have any of that.

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They don't have any of that training.

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They're so busy looking at their phone.

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Yeah I don't know about you.

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Do you have grandchildren?

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James Donaldson: I don't have

children or grandchildren, no.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, okay.

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Grand, our grandchildren and their

friends, they all have phones and to me,

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the hilarious thing is the only thing

they don't use them for is a phone.

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James Donaldson: They don't

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: take calls.

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James Donaldson: No, that's right.

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That's

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: so bizarre.

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James Donaldson: Elaine, have you heard

of the book, the Anxious Generation?

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I think.

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I think so.

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I have not yet read it.

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I will have to.

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Okay.

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James Donaldson: It came out last year.

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Okay.

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And it's getting a lot of great reviews.

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I've read it thoroughly.

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I resort to it.

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There's a reference all the time.

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Get a lot of great statistics

out of there where, our children

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now are spending up to 12 hours a

day on average, on social media.

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Wow.

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And so that's a long time when you go

to school for six or seven hours and

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you're trying to have a little bit of,

time for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

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Yeah.

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They're not sleeping.

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They're underneath their covers

on their phone at two in the

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morning, three in the morning.

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So this is a big problem.

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And it's since the advent of the iPhone

in:

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15, 16 years of age have been raised

with a iPhone or iPad in their crib.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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And

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James Donaldson: that has become

their best friend and their

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reality, and it's just really,

it's gonna be very detrimental the

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next 10, 20 years for these kids.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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Because it, until you said

that, thinking about the phone.

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Yeah.

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James Donaldson: It's

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: my god.

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Yeah.

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It is such a different dynamic

and I'm even seeing older people.

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These days, you'll see them in coffee

shops, is a group of them at a table.

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At least half of them are on their phone.

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They're not yes.

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Talking to the people I guess our

family, some of us are aberrations.

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My phone is in my office.

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Yeah.

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I have a bad habit of walking out of my

office and then a few hours later it's

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oh, I don't even know where my phone is.

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James Donaldson: Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I'm not used

to, to that, having to have it near.

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'cause we grew up with one phone

on the wall or on the table

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and you had to go to the phone.

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You couldn't take the

phone where you were.

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So it does make a big difference.

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I know that my kids limit

their children's time.

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On the phone, on the tablet,

on the video games, and my

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daughter-in-law is a personal trainer.

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Yeah.

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So her boys only get video games

if they're on the trampoline.

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Because they must be doing

some exercise if they're going

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to be playing video games.

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Yeah.

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All of their group, all the kids are

in soccer and gymnastics and hockey and

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they still have these other activities

because I think you have to be able

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to put them with other kids their age

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James Donaldson: Yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Rather than, have them, just

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them in this inanimate object.

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Yeah, that's right.

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I didn't realize it was quite that bad.

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James Donaldson: Yeah, that's right.

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And your daughter is the one percenter,

1% of parents who parent that way.

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99% of the parents do not parent that way.

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So the kids are left to be raised

by a phone, basically get all

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their information from their phone.

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Their perspectives and beliefs

are coming from the phone.

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Being radicalized on

the phone, social media.

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Yeah.

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Different ideologies they pick up.

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So it's not coming from parents and

from mentors and next door neighbors

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like it was when we were growing up.

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So totally different.

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And this is what we're dealing with now.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: My day job

has always been in the digital world.

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I do integration and optimization and.

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Different things, and quite

often have been brought in

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by a parent or a grandparent.

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To solve an issue for a child that

is either being bullied or is having

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anxiety or depression from the out of

proportion, wonderful lifestyles they

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see on other social media channels.

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And it really is terrifying.

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James Donaldson: Yeah.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: To think

that you can reel them in so easily.

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Because if it looks like, Bobby Sue

is, has a wonderful life and it's

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going to all the parties and doing

all the things, and buying all the

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stuff and they're not and this little.

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Boys getting to play all the

sports and meeting all the

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big people and what have you.

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That's not real life.

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It's not how it's meant to be.

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Yeah.

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And I realize we've come a long way from

being teenagers, but I can still remember.

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Where I couldn't, I think it was

my grandmother who said if so

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and so jumped off a bridge, would

you be right there with them?

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Yeah.

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And the answer back then

was yeah, absolutely.

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So I get that mindset, but oh

my God, how much more terrifying

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when it's really not real life.

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James Donaldson: No, but it's

night and day difference.

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You have to throw out all the

experiences we had because it

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doesn't apply to today's youth.

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Yeah.

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We've got memories.

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That's all we have.

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But you can't apply that to today's youth.

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Not in North America, not

in industrialized countries.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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James Donaldson: Maybe a second,

third world country that, doesn't

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have the technology we have.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

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James Donaldson: Family's still important.

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Playtime's still important.

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But not in America.

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Not in Canada, in Europe.

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No.

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Yeah.

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Big problem.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: So what

got you, what was the trigger

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that got you involved to the point

that you wanted to, or started a

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foundation or or get this involved?

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What was it that spurred you?

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James Donaldson: Life was good for

up until about 10 years ago when

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I had the emergency open heart

surgery that was lifesaving and

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kept me here for still here, kept

me here doing the work I'm doing.

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It was a series of major surgeries

two or three of them on my heart,

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one of them on my lung and still

compromised still to this day of.

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Not being able to physically do

a lot of things I used to do.

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I look fine, I can't walk too far.

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I can't climb stairs and all those

things so that really bothers

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your mental state at some point.

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During this recovery time, this was back 2

15, 2 16 during the recovery time, I was.

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Running my business, I was a small

business owner at a time for 30 years.

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And I really physically could

not run it anymore because I was

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a hundred percent owner, didn't

have other partners to turn to.

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Exhausted all my life savings,

trying to keep the business going,

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trying to keep 25 or 30 employees on.

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And one thing after another started

happening, life events, not so much

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what I did to myself, no substance

abuses or anything like that, but life

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events starting with, my mother passed

away in:

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Yeah, it take, it hits you hard

when you're not expecting it.

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Yeah.

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My wife at the time walked out

on her marriage in:

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after my mother passed, and I'm

still recovering from my surgeries.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Ah

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James Donaldson: I'm

exhausted my life savings.

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And by 2018 I had to close

my long running business and

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then started having the major.

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Mental health challenges that come along.

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Anxiety, depression, suicidal

ideations all through:

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Received help from my medical

doctors and professionals counseling,

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prescription medication, a small

group of intimate friends around me.

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And for 12 months, just, I call

it 12 months of pure darkness and

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hell that I had to go through.

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And had to work my way through.

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'cause I saw no tomorrow.

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I saw no hope.

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And that's very common with what

these things put you through.

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But eventually, after 12 months, the

darkness started lifting a little bit.

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I was able to, I.

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Resist those impulses of hurting

myself and taking myself out of this

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world, and finally started to recover

and realize, what my purpose was in

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life still, or why I'm still here.

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And I realized it was really to use

my platform, as a former athlete, as

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a male, as an African American male

someone, a fixture in the community,

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a business person that people would

listen to and people would look up to.

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And I discovered and realized that, wow,

this is why I'm still here to form this

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foundation, which to give me a platform

for getting out there and speaking

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on this topic and to give people the

hope that they no longer have, to help

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them realize that there is still hope.

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There is a tomorrow.

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I know you don't feel it at the moment.

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But there is you have to just keep

persevering, pushing through, get the help

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you need, put your small group of friends

around you, pay attention to your medical

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professionals and just grunt it out.

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There's no shortcut.

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There's no there.

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Tomorrow won't be better just

because you snap your fingers.

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It will take months, if not years.

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For a lot of folks, it took

me one year, 12 months.

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And so that's why I'm doing the work

that I'm doing with your Gift of

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Life Foundation, and it has really

given me a whole new chapter of life.

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This started up in 2019 your

Gift of Life, and I plan on

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doing it the rest of my life.

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This is my whole new chapter after the

other chapters of closed now, and this

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is what I want to do the rest of the way.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Wow.

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My, my hat's off to you.

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That is quite selfless and I

think that's wonderful because

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we don't see enough of that.

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And I think every community,

though, where you are in Seattle e

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every community needs people who.

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Understand that there's more than just us.

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That, that we need to look outside of our

immediate group and try and help those

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that we may not be connected to in a

familial way, but that we are connected

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to because they're other human beings too.

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Yeah, that's right.

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James Donaldson: That's and men in

particular see my story, to see me doing

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the podcast and the video, YouTube videos.

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And they reach out to me quite

a bit from around the country

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because they want to talk to a man.

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They don't wanna go to their doctor.

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They don't want to talk to their

girlfriend or to their wife

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significant other, and they

won't, but they will talk to me.

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Because they say, wow, James he

knows he and he'd been through this.

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He knows what it's all about.

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And I'm not gonna judge them.

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They know I'm not gonna be judgemental

and which is a big fear for so

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many of us going through this.

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And so I'm more than happy to set

aside the time for talking to men.

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I wanna start an online coaching

or consultation service as well.

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And that way I can actually book my

time out to people all around and they

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can schedule a time with me, which

I'll be more than happy to give back.

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This is my give back and my paying

forward to other folks who can

369

:

benefit from what I went through.

370

:

And realize that, hey, if I can make

it through, they can make it through.

371

:

There's no need for 50,000 people a year

in the United States to take their lives.

372

:

Yeah.

373

:

And that's where we're at.

374

:

That's where we're at now.

375

:

50.

376

:

I don't know about Canada.

377

:

It's probably 10 or

20,000, but 50,000 a year.

378

:

Take their lives in, in,

in the United States.

379

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

380

:

James Donaldson: Yeah.

381

:

And by the way we're taping

this on September 1st.

382

:

This is the first day of National

Suicide Prevention Month, September.

383

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

384

:

James Donaldson: So

385

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: it is.

386

:

James Donaldson: By the time this is out,

it'll be mid-September happy, celebrate

387

:

National Suicide Prevention Month.

388

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

389

:

And suicide prevention awareness.

390

:

This month is around the world.

391

:

I.

392

:

World Suicide Prevention Day

is September the 10th, right?

393

:

But there are things happening

all around the world.

394

:

There are walks and meetings and all kinds

of things going on, not just in September.

395

:

I put up some information today

for things that are happening

396

:

in early October as well.

397

:

I would like to see us

do things every month.

398

:

I think it's that important.

399

:

And I believe for youth around

the world, it may just be America.

400

:

It is one of the top

10 ways we lose youth.

401

:

James Donaldson: Yes.

402

:

Absolute.

403

:

That's

404

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

just not acceptable.

405

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

406

:

That's right.

407

:

Yeah.

408

:

Yeah.

409

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

It there is so much more.

410

:

We need to let our youth see.

411

:

That's there for them.

412

:

Yeah.

413

:

If we can just get them to have some hope.

414

:

James Donaldson: Yeah.

415

:

Understand

416

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: that

there really are things that

417

:

are coming as you get older,

that it's important to wait for.

418

:

James Donaldson: Yeah, that's right.

419

:

Yeah.

420

:

But again there's social media generation,

instant gratification generation.

421

:

They're not taught, they're not

taught to hang in there and do the

422

:

hard work and good things will come.

423

:

They expect it.

424

:

I push a button, and then here I

call Amazon and it comes by 5:00 PM

425

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: and it's true.

426

:

It's true.

427

:

James Donaldson: And that's where we live.

428

:

We've

429

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

done it to ourselves.

430

:

James Donaldson: Yeah.

431

:

Yeah, that's right.

432

:

We

433

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: really have we

just got a new service from Amazon here

434

:

that you can get it between 4:00 AM.

435

:

And 8:00 AM in the morning.

436

:

That's right.

437

:

Now, I don't know what I need

that I need it so badly that I

438

:

wanted here at four in the morning

because God willing, I'm asleep.

439

:

James Donaldson: If you realize your

toaster went out last night and you

440

:

need a toaster for the morning, it'll

be on your front porch when you wake up.

441

:

So something like that.

442

:

This is where we are nowadays.

443

:

Yeah.

444

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And this

is a wild thought, but maybe tomorrow

445

:

morning I'll just have cereal.

446

:

James Donaldson: That,

that's what we have to use.

447

:

That's what we used to have to resort to,

we had to be, we had to be resourceful.

448

:

You don't need that anymore.

449

:

And with ai, you don't

need to even sync anymore.

450

:

So these kids now,

451

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: yeah,

that, that's absolutely true.

452

:

James Donaldson: And a lot of things

to work through and as people like us

453

:

who've been around a while, who can reach

back and help show these young people

454

:

the way and hopefully they'll listen.

455

:

Yeah.

456

:

Unfortunately, we were

young once upon a time.

457

:

We had to learn by hard

life's hard lessons and hard

458

:

knocks every now and then.

459

:

We at least had people showing us the

way and trying to advise us, and that's

460

:

what these young people need now.

461

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah, and

I think it's important to note that

462

:

a lot of the immigrants that are

coming to North America now, yeah.

463

:

Still live by the extended family

rather than the nuclear family.

464

:

And I guess I was a bit of an aberration

back then because I came to Canada with my

465

:

mom, my dad, my grandmother, and my aunt.

466

:

So we were an extended family,

which was good because we

467

:

really didn't have anybody here.

468

:

But having those extra family members

gives you a little more of a village.

469

:

Yes.

470

:

And a little more of the flavor.

471

:

Of that family.

472

:

It's not just mom and dad.

473

:

'cause by the time you're 11 or

12, mom and dad are the enemy.

474

:

That's right.

475

:

Yeah, that's right.

476

:

Having another family member that

you can gripe to, I think it makes it

477

:

little easier sometimes for children.

478

:

Yeah.

479

:

And it's sad that we got away from that.

480

:

James Donaldson: We really have, kids now

they don't know their mom and dad because

481

:

they are on their phones all the time.

482

:

Yeah.

483

:

The mom and dad don't really know

the kids because there's not the

484

:

communication around the dinner

table like they used to be.

485

:

And so there's strangers

living in the same household.

486

:

Yeah.

487

:

And then they wonder why these

kids go off and do crazy things.

488

:

We just had unfortunately.

489

:

Another mass shooting a couple

days ago in the United States.

490

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

491

:

Oh my God.

492

:

Yeah,

493

:

James Donaldson: And you wonder why

these young people, 21 years old.

494

:

Grows up to do these kind of things.

495

:

They just don't have the guidance, the

influence the mentoring, the parenting

496

:

that we had, and it's, I know we

keep comparing yesterday year with

497

:

today, but just there's no comparison.

498

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

No, there's no comparison.

499

:

But the fact is, I think

very often parents nowadays

500

:

are afraid to rock the boat.

501

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

502

:

That's right.

503

:

You don't wanna

504

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: push too hard.

505

:

We went through the late

eighties and early nineties where

506

:

the parents became, I

wanna be your friend.

507

:

I don't wanna be your parent.

508

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

509

:

That's right.

510

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

That doesn't work.

511

:

You are the parent whether

you want to be or not.

512

:

And understanding that part of your

job is to keep your children safe.

513

:

James Donaldson: Yes.

514

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Sometimes

you have to say and do the hard things.

515

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

516

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's not easy.

517

:

James Donaldson: No.

518

:

But no and those kids are now out

all protesting and demonstrating

519

:

against any kind of authoritarian

figures against any kind of.

520

:

Rules, regulations of society.

521

:

They don't want to hear

from law enforcement.

522

:

They don't want to hear from

the White House in America.

523

:

They don't want to hear from,

community and political leaders.

524

:

But again these are authority

figures in our lives.

525

:

Yeah.

526

:

So we need to at least be respectful

of, but we're not because of

527

:

the way those kids were raised.

528

:

And the parents are out there.

529

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

530

:

But also these kids are seeing

the models of adults Yes.

531

:

Who have no respect for the law.

532

:

That's right.

533

:

Who have no respect for other humans.

534

:

James Donaldson: So of course

it's gonna, it's natural.

535

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: How

are they to model what's right.

536

:

That's right.

537

:

When they see some in power.

538

:

Yeah.

539

:

That are so wrong.

540

:

That's right.

541

:

It's hard.

542

:

How do how do you get through to little

Johnny that well, yeah, I know that's an

543

:

adult and yes, I know that's an adult in

an authoritarian position, but disregard

544

:

that and do what I tell you, which we are

sending these kids mixed messages as well.

545

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

546

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Which makes it harder.

547

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

548

:

That's right.

549

:

We have to model what we'd

like to see in our children.

550

:

Yeah.

551

:

Yeah.

552

:

Most, a lot of parents

do not parent very well.

553

:

Kids want to call you,

Elaine instead of mom.

554

:

That's not good.

555

:

See, but we didn't do that

when we were growing up.

556

:

But they do that now.

557

:

And so it's totally,

you're the best friend.

558

:

You're not their parents.

559

:

This

560

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: is it.

561

:

And.

562

:

It became a thing

563

:

James Donaldson: Yes.

564

:

Like in the late

565

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: nineties that

the parents wanted to be their friend.

566

:

James Donaldson: Yep.

567

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: You can't

be a friend and have the authority

568

:

you need to keep that child safe.

569

:

James Donaldson: That's right.

570

:

That's right.

571

:

I don't

572

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: care

how flexible you are or how

573

:

mentally agile you think you are.

574

:

First and foremost, you are a parent.

575

:

And I think that's part

of where we've gone wrong.

576

:

And that was the generation after us.

577

:

Yeah, because frankly, this

is the way it's always gone.

578

:

Every generation wants to do it better

than their parents did it for them.

579

:

Of course.

580

:

My father hated my music.

581

:

Yeah, my mother sang along with everybody.

582

:

Yeah.

583

:

So it didn't matter.

584

:

But my father just

thought that was garbage.

585

:

That was trash.

586

:

It wasn't music.

587

:

Yeah.

588

:

It won't be around in 50

years, while it still is.

589

:

We fought those things against our

parents who fought against their

590

:

parents, who, it's always been

that, that generational divide.

591

:

James Donaldson: Yes.

592

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: And I think

593

:

James Donaldson: when we, but the big

game the big game changers now is the

594

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: phone between

595

:

James Donaldson: pre

previous generations Yeah.

596

:

Is technology and the phones.

597

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

598

:

Yeah.

599

:

James Donaldson: Okay.

600

:

And generations of hands off

parenting have, we've done it.

601

:

We've done it to ourselves,

602

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Oh, absolutely.

603

:

Nobody, absolutely.

604

:

James Donaldson: And so individually,

we just had to do better individually.

605

:

We had to reach out to each other.

606

:

Because you can legislate all you want.

607

:

It's not gonna just bring people

together to make them love each

608

:

other and care for each other.

609

:

You, we have to individually be

able to do that kind of stuff.

610

:

I do wanna mention, coming through

those 12 months I went through, I

611

:

did, I was able to chronic chronicle

all that, remember all that, put it

612

:

all together into a nice book that

I'd love to be able to talk about as

613

:

well on the show, if you will permit.

614

:

But that's one of the

other things that I do is.

615

:

I do a lot of professional speaking, a

lot of speaking to groups and kids and

616

:

everything else, and so that's big part

of what, a big part of what I'm doing now.

617

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Excellent.

618

:

Excellent.

619

:

And as per usual, we will have all

of that information down below along

620

:

with the show notes, we'll have

all the information about James

621

:

and how you can get ahold of him.

622

:

Great.

623

:

Should you want him to come

and talk to your group?

624

:

James Donaldson: I've got a copy

of my book I can show if you'd

625

:

like, and that way can glimpse.

626

:

Absolutely.

627

:

Here it's what Okay.

628

:

We, it doesn't show you up a

629

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: little.

630

:

Bring it up a little bit closer.

631

:

Oh.

632

:

With your green screen.

633

:

You know what I'm gonna do?

634

:

I'm gonna get you to send me a picture

of that and we'll make sure it's

635

:

below too, so that you can get a link.

636

:

Is it available on Amazon?

637

:

James Donaldson: It's Amazon, but if

you want a actual signed copy of it,

638

:

which I do, I'm more than happy to do.

639

:

The title of the book is Celebrating

Your Gift of Life and Celebrating Your

640

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Gift of Life, okay?

641

:

James Donaldson: Yes.

642

:

And the, I'm gonna upload an image

file for you right now, and the the

643

:

website to get that is over at, www

celebrating your gift of life.com.

644

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Okay.

645

:

Bear with me for one second.

646

:

Okay, www.

647

:

Hang on.

648

:

Let's hope I can spell

649

:

celebrating waiting

650

:

your.

651

:

If like I'm challenged

when it comes to typing.

652

:

James Donaldson: That's okay.

653

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: My

kids get a real laugh out of

654

:

the fact that I can't type.

655

:

I can use all, I can use all the

tech toys and everything else,

656

:

but I'm not very good with.

657

:

There we go.

658

:

Perfect.

659

:

James Donaldson: And I did upload it.

660

:

I don't know if it's on your end or my

end, how we can show it on the screen?

661

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh it's on the screen.

662

:

James Donaldson: Is it Okay?

663

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah

it's right below both of us.

664

:

And

665

:

James Donaldson: you're, your tight, your

type is not the image of the book cover.

666

:

That's what I'm

667

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: no.

668

:

We won't be able to put

the image up from here.

669

:

James Donaldson: Okay, that's fine.

670

:

That's unfortunately.

671

:

So this website is where you can go and

order a copy of your book personally,

672

:

pretty personally signed by me.

673

:

I'll put any note in there.

674

:

Any inscription in there that

you wanted to and put it to the

675

:

person that you want to put it to?

676

:

There are $20 a piece us with

shipping and handling, especially

677

:

the Canada, probably 27, 20 $8.

678

:

There, there is a copy of the book.

679

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: There we go.

680

:

All right.

681

:

Yeah, that's fabulous.

682

:

James Donaldson: And it's a real helpful

resource of not only telling my story,

683

:

but a lot of helpful exercises at the

end of every chapter of helping people to

684

:

work through what they're going through.

685

:

Writing down some of your thoughts

and some of your emotions at the time.

686

:

So this is what I take with me every

time I speak and talk about things.

687

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh, that is excellent.

688

:

'cause journaling is really important.

689

:

James Donaldson: It is.

690

:

I journal every day still.

691

:

Yeah.

692

:

Wow.

693

:

It's a great way to relive your life

and what you went through that day.

694

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

695

:

James Donaldson: Because two weeks

later you forget all about it.

696

:

But if you go back two or three,

we, two or three months even, I can

697

:

go back years in my journaling and

say, wow, I actually said that and

698

:

did that and lived through that.

699

:

Wow.

700

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

701

:

It's incredible when you go

back through those diaries.

702

:

James Donaldson: Yeah.

703

:

Yeah.

704

:

But yeah.

705

:

So anyway, any of your audience members,

I'd appreciate picking up a copy.

706

:

The money goes towards my Gift of Life

Foundation, which we are trying to do

707

:

a scholarship fund for our students,

particularly students of color going

708

:

into the mental health profession.

709

:

Excellent.

710

:

This is one of the reasons why so many

communities of color are so reluctant

711

:

to reach out for mental health help

because they just don't see anybody that

712

:

looks like them across the desk, right?

713

:

They don't see anybody they

feel will relate to them.

714

:

Whether they're African American,

Hispanic, Indian, native American,

715

:

transgender, L-G-B-T-Q, yeah they just

don't see that person who can, they feel

716

:

really under, intuitively understand

them and then be able to help them.

717

:

And so if we can get more and

more students into the pipeline.

718

:

Yes.

719

:

10 years from now, they can go out

to their various communities and

720

:

provide mental health services,

which is what the whole mission

721

:

of your Gift of Life is all about.

722

:

Ah,

723

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

James, I thank you so much.

724

:

That is incredible.

725

:

Thank you.

726

:

If you could tell our audience one little

tip or tweak that you use every day.

727

:

Or every week, something that they

can take away with them to use in

728

:

their life toolbox, if you will.

729

:

What would you suggest?

730

:

James Donaldson: In the midst of

these mental challenges that I went

731

:

through and millions of people go

through every single year you need

732

:

to realize that you are not alone.

733

:

I know there's a stigma

attached to it and people.

734

:

You feel like people will

think that you're crazy.

735

:

Something's not right with you, but

you have to realize that you're not

736

:

alone and it's okay not to be okay.

737

:

It's okay to ask for help and to

bring your close friends around you.

738

:

They need to know that

you're having a struggle.

739

:

They need to know if you're thinking about

hurting yourself or departing this world.

740

:

They need to know, and

that way they can help you.

741

:

Mental health is one of those things

that you can't see it from the outside.

742

:

On the outside, we all look

perfectly fine and it looks

743

:

like our lives are just perfect.

744

:

Picture, perfect, but on the inside.

745

:

So many of us are really struggling

and people won't know unless

746

:

you let them know and tell them.

747

:

Same with our kids.

748

:

You have to talk to your parents, talk

to your teachers, your school counselors,

749

:

because they don't, they just don't know.

750

:

They see you every single day,

but they can't tell anything is, a

751

:

mess with you or a ride with you.

752

:

They can't tell.

753

:

So the onus is on us folks who've

gone through mental health challenges.

754

:

To realize you're not alone

and to reach out for help.

755

:

We've got suicide prevention hotlines

that are there 24 hours a day, seven

756

:

days a week, multiple languages,

and they will be a real life person,

757

:

not a chat bot, not an AI person.

758

:

A real life person will pick

up the phone and talk with

759

:

you and walk you through that.

760

:

Journey to get you some help

to get you through the night.

761

:

I called 'em several times at two or

three in the morning when I couldn't

762

:

sleep and thinking about hurting myself.

763

:

And so these are all the

things you need to know.

764

:

Help is right there at your fingertips,

but you've got to be able to reach

765

:

out and put your fingers on it, okay?

766

:

Get you a best friend who can come

around and just sit with you for

767

:

minutes or hours on end, and you

don't need to be in deep conversation

768

:

about what you're going through.

769

:

Just somebody who couldn't be there.

770

:

The physical, Elaine and I were talking

about the physical presence of another

771

:

person is something we're all missing.

772

:

And to have that next to you sitting

on the couch, being able to reach

773

:

out and touch you on the arm, put a

shoulder around you is so valuable.

774

:

And so I just wanna make

sure I hit that point home.

775

:

We're not alone.

776

:

Help is readily available, but it's

up to you to be able to reach out

777

:

and ask for that help and make it

through like I made it through and be

778

:

able to give back and moving forward.

779

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: That's

beautiful and I totally agree with you.

780

:

Yeah.

781

:

The most important lesson I

ever learned was I am not alone.

782

:

James Donaldson: There you go

783

:

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I want

784

:

everyone to take that to heart.

785

:

We are not alone.

786

:

Just reach out and you can

reach out and tell someone.

787

:

You don't even need them to respond.

788

:

You just want them to listen.

789

:

That's right.

790

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James Donaldson: That's right.

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That's.

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so true

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Is so valuable.

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So on that note, as I said, we'll

make sure everything about James

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and what James does is below in the

show notes and transcript, we'll

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have the link to the book so that

you can go there and get that.

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And also the Gift of Life Foundation.

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All that information will be there.

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My guest, James Donaldson, thank

you so much for joining us today.

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I'm Elaine Lindsay.

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This is Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

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And just remember, make the very

most of your today, every day,

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and we'll see you next time.

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Voiceover: Thank you for being

here for another inspiring episode

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:

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

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We appreciate you tuning in.

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Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out SFS

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:

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

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If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

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it'd be greatly appreciated.

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Please refer this to a friend you

know, who may benefit from the hope

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and inspiration from our guests.

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Suicide Zen Forgiveness was

brought to you by the following

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sponsors, TROOL social Media.

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The digital integration specialists.

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Let them get you rocking page

one in the search results.

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Canada's keynote, humorous, Judy Croon,

motivational speaker, comedian, author,

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and standup coach at Second City.

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Judy has been involved for over

a decade in the City Street

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Outreach program in Toronto.

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Do you have a story to share?

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Do you know someone you think would

be a great guests silence Hero?

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Please go to SZF four two.com

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and for our American listeners,

that's s zf four two.com.

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Thank you for listening.

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About the Podcast

Show artwork for Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Suicide Zen Forgiveness Stories re Suicide Loss | Ideation | Mental Health | Offering Hope |Empathy for All
Shattering Stigma Igniting Hope

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About your host

Profile picture for Elaine Lindsay

Elaine Lindsay

A unique blend of finely tuned chaos with a boatload of compassion. An unfiltered speaker, resilience mentor, and podcast host with 50+ years of lived experience navigating suicidal ideation, Pollyanna’s glad game, trauma, chronic illness, and the power of showing up anyway.

Elaine Lindsay🎤 Speaker | Host | Podcaster | 6x Suicide Loss |@TheDarkPollyanna - Opinionated AF
#Youmatter | Let’s start #ConverSAVEtions