Unmasking the Warrior: Emotional Truths Men Are Dying to Tell

Speaker: 00:00:07

YouMatter Song Lyrics: When

moving forward seems too much.

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When you feel totally out of touch,

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out the door, you find yourself.

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Curled on the floor.

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The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

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Why is this brain so darkly obsessed?

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I've secrets.

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I've never confessed.

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Haven't told a soul,

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I'm depressed.

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A gentle whisper through the pain.

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Remember rainbows, follow,

rain breathe deeply.

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Hold on tight.

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Your hope will return shining bright.

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Embrace the now, release the past,

In forgiveness,, peace will last.

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You matter deeply, you're not alone,.

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Reach out.

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Let your strength be shown.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: My returning

guest today is David Amerland He's

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a writer who's focused on how human

behavior is shaped by modern forces,

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especially technology and how that shift

impacts our health culture and stories.

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After building a career in marketing

and publishing several successful

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business books, David Amerland expanded

into the wellness space with Built

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to Last, a practical Guide to Health,

longevity, and Intentional Living.

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The book immediately prior to

this was called Intentional.

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David is now also writing fiction

and exploring the emotional and

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psychological impact of modern

life through storytelling.

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I am thrilled to have David

as my returning guest.

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I know I always learn something new, and

this month is Men's Mental Health Month,

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which is why we are going to talk about

his book Built to Last and how men can

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specifically apply it to make things

better for them, to become more rounded,

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to be more vulnerable, to be more open.

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All the things that help you live

a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

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And so it's awesome to

present to you, David.

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Amerland.

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Good day.

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David Amerland: It's just a

pleasure to be here, I can tell you.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It is wonderful

to have you here and I cannot think of

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anyone better to come on and speak to.

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, To me , it's like the whole person.

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This is men's Mental Health month,

and as such, I wanted to talk about

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men's mental health with some men

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okay, when I want to look deeper into

anything, David, you are the man I call.

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Okay.

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And that's deeper into my own psyche.

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That's deeper into search, that's deeper

into Google Plus, that's deeper into

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absolutely anything and everything.

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This, I will try not to embarrass you

too much, but I absolutely love you.

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The depths you go to in your subjects and

the breadth of what those subjects are,

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and you never fail to surprise and thrill

me with the information that you give us.

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So in light of it being Men's

Mental Health fund and very lately.

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You came out with your new book,

built it to Last, I thought.

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Well, here's a Marriage Made in Heaven.

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It says How to get stronger, healthier,

and happier at every stage of life.

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Now, this is of course for everyone,

but we're going to tailor our talk

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somewhat to men because I believe.

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Firmly that our mental health

really is dependent on our physical

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health and our emotional health,

and I know that you are the one who

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can speak to all of those things.

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So let's dive in.

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David Amerland: Okay.

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Where to begin from.

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Right.

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And you're absolutely right.

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The way we feel and the way we think.

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Is absolutely key to the way our bodies

and, and here's the reason for this.

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Feelings and thoughts tend to be kind

of immaterial in substantial things.

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We sort of have an idea, but

we can't really see them.

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We can't really grasp them or

sensational them, tend to be

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subjective to a large extent.

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However, nothing can ever

arise out of nothing.

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And the place where we

inhabit is the body.

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That body has substrate, it has

structure, it has cells, and it has

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networks, and it has neurochemicals,

and it has electro transmitters, it

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has neurotransmitters, and all those

things actually have a physical,

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existence, which is definitely measurable

and definitely makes itself felt.

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And out of the combination of those

sensations, we get our feelings primarily.

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And once we process those feelings,

those emotions, we get our thoughts.

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So if our home, if our body isn't

okay, then having the expectation

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that our feelings would be okay and

our thoughts are going to be okay is

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something which is a really tall order.

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So we always start with

the absolute basics.

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And , there's a saying which goes

back almost two and a half thousand

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years ago, mentioned grease, but they

said a sound mind in a sound body.

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And we sort of kind of accept it at face

value without questioning too deeply.

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But there's massive.

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Wisdom integrated into

that simple observation.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Absolutely.

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That's the basis

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of it.

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David Amerland: Yeah.

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Yeah,

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: yeah.

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I, I'm just gonna interrupt you

here for one thing that a few, I

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don't know, a few times ago we were

talking, you were talking to me

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and explained that pain changes us.

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Completely.

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And that's absolutely true.

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And that's what led me when I started

reading your book, I was thinking,

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oh my God, that makes so much sense

that our emotions, our feelings, our

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the pain receptors, the dopamine,

all of that needs to have some kind

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of balance with our physical body.

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Because you're trying to walk

and there's a rock in your shoe.

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You can't concentrate, you

can't carry on a conversation.

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You can't walk properly because

you are focused on that pain

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from the rock in your shoe.

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It throws off everything else, and

that's a very simplistic example, but

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it does therefore make sense that.

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In the larger scheme of things when you

take, the long view, that only makes

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sense that all of those parts of us are

put together in a way that's balanced,

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that's functional, that's healthy, and I

don't think you can take mental health.

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Or physical health or emotional health

or even spiritual health and separate

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them and have you function properly.

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David Amerland: Absolutely.

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We can't.

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And the sad thing is, and this is an

obvious one, and we don't really think

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about it, we only talk about mental

health when things are already bad.

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We talk about physical health

when things begin to go wrong.

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And when everything's going relatively

okay without being necessarily, okay.

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Okay.

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We tend to ignore it.

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We tend to think, oh, it's gonna,

it's going to work itself out.

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And it doesn't.

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I mean, if you were an

athlete, for example, I.

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You'd have a physiotherapist and you

have a psychotherapist, and you have a

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coach, and you might have a dietician,

and all those people are there to

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make sure that when you push your

body and mind to the limit in order

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to increase your performance, then you

have to take specific steps to bring

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your body back down to baseline, to

get enough rest, enough refueling,

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enough repair, and then you have

to do the same thing for your mind.

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And we know that from a lead

performance and for the rest of

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us, we tend to ignore those things.

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We tend to think, oh, we'll manage, we

are okay because we're not breaking down.

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By the time we begin to feel that we're

breaking down, it's already too late.

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And this is the thing

we need to be aware of.

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I've discussed this with a friend before

who's, who teaches philosophy at one

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of the universities in Poland, and we

were saying that it's taken 6,000 years.

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To make sure that we have a civilization

that more or less guarantees

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your personal physical integrity.

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You're going to step outta your house.

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Nobody's going to attack you.

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We have encoded this into law.

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We have encoded into traditions.

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We have encoded into moral

structures, moral behavior.

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If by whatever sort of situation

you happen to be attacked, somebody

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will come to your aid because

that's the right thing to do in

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some way within their own capacity.

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But nobody's going to be left

unmoved because it's been encoded

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in so many different layers for so

long, and that's taken 6,000 years.

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But that's just the outside.

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Nobody thinks about what's

going on inside each person.

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We think it's okay to yell at somebody

because we are full of anger or

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full of stress, and we externalize

it and we don't think of the impact

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that will have on somebody else.

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We are gradually.

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And encouragingly in the 21st century,

beginning to talk openly about these

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things, about our feelings, about how

we're impacted by the external world,

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about how our behavior impacts others.

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So this is the first step, and we

need to accelerate things a little

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bit so it doesn't take another 6,000

years before we get to the stage

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where we feel that we are responsible

for the mental and psychological

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health of the people around us.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah, please,

let's not take another 6,000 years.

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But to that end, 'cause we're

talking about men's mental health.

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David Amerland: Yes.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: I think

for so long you were seeing men

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having, the silent killer, the widow

maker, all these heart problems and

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things, because traditionally men

don't talk about their feelings.

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And don't have emotions other

than anger and satisfaction.

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Everything else was by the wayside,

and it's not something we probably

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most people think about, but for so

many decades, that was always the fear.

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I think honestly, that's why

insurance came about because the.

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Head of the household.

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The ba, the breadwinner was always

at risk and we put 'em there

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because men were meant to be silent

and strong and like hydro poles.

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It just be there.

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David Amerland: You're correct.

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A hundred percent correct.

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This is a stereotype that came about

gradually, especially in the West, but

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it's a global phenomenon to some extent.

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Of the strong silent male, and

I'm not quite sure how it emerged,

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but it does as a huge disservice.

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And if we look in the past amongst,

warrior tribes and warrior cultures,

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males, the strongest Warriors.

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Warriors to be leaders to be,

they had a space where they went.

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Through rituals to get in

touch with their emotions.

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They went through stages and phases

where they bonded and they opened

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up with their fellow warriors.

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So it was never in the past.

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Even amongst warrior cultures,

the strong silent type, this

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is one of these stereotypical,

western constructs in my view.

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Primarily came through popular culture

because we like the lone government.

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We like the strong silent male, the

Rambo type that comes and does, restores

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justice, that kind of thing, which is

entertaining for sure, but it feeds into

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the stereotype which doesn't actually

conform or even represent the way that

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our internal world actually works.

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And this is the problem.

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So if you keep it all in, you

isolate yourself, you put yourself

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under tremendous pressure, you feel

victimized, which is where the anger

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comes from because you need to somehow

turn the tables so you don't live

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in an in, in a sort of, perpetually

toxic environment inside you due

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to the stress of feeling a victim.

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And none of those things actually serve

very well in terms of behavior of men.

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And we're talking about men

in this particular context.

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There is unfortunately precious

little guidance on how you

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should behave in a modern world.

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Beyond that, you shouldn't yell, you

shouldn't lose control of yourself.

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You shouldn't, other things you

shouldn't do, which we usually

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translate as being emotional.

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And yet if we look at some of the

elite soldiers in training, they're

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very emotional with their brothers.

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Fellow soldiers, they're very

open about this because that's

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where their strength is.

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They go on missions where

they fear for their life.

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They have uncertainty, they have

definitely feel high levels of anxiety,

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high levels of stress, and they're

acutely in touch with their emotions.

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They don't dump and down,

they don't ignore them.

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They don't not externalize them.

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They share them, and that's how

they actually grow stronger.

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If we don't address what we

feel, then it controls us and it

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controls the point where we lose

control of our general behavior.

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Our executive function is overruled,

and then we get into reactive mode,

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and then basically every decision

we make is going to be wrong.

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And that escalates, and

escalates, escalates until

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things become really critical.

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If we acknowledge our emotions, if we

are in touch with how we feel and that's

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negative, as well as positive emotions,

then that leads us into position strength

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because we become aware of our internal

world, and that's the first step to

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actually making decisions that are not

primarily ruled by reactive behavior.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's

really interesting because.

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That very, the very nature of elite

soldiers and people during the war and

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that are entrenched in other countries

and what have you, are so open and sharing

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with their brethren, with their troop or,

whatever they call that pack they are in.

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It'd be interesting to look at

why that became a locked cabinet.

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It's, it does not translate when you put

the soldier back in day-to-day society.

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Yes, they share with their brothers at

arms, but they don't share with their

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spouse or their children or their parents

or it's like it, it is put in a box and

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it is locked and only can be seen, felt

or discussed with those particular people.

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And that seems, is that too

a western construct where?

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To go along with the strong, silent

male as much as being an elite soldier.

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And, you discussed like little bits of

this in a sniper's mind because Yeah,

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you have to be fully aware of what's

around you and how you feel about it.

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David Amerland: It's an

interesting question you bring up.

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And the problem in that

particular context is compound.

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The first thing is that when

you take a soldier from.

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Active duty where he has experienced

all kind of stresses with people

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like him at the same level.

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And you put him into civilian life.

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Now there's a communication gap.

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Things get lost in translation,

he speaks a different language.

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There is no shared culture, so that

makes it really difficult to open up.

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And on top of this very real problem

is the perceived problem that everybody

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sees him as a soldier with whatever

cultural misconceptions that implies.

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They don't wanna see him cry.

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They don't wanna see him break down.

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They don't wanna see him weak.

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They see him as a hero

of some description.

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So suddenly that person, whether they

are aware or not, understands this

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perception, understands this expectation

and the need to live up to it.

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So then suddenly they find

themselves isolated, alone,

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unsupported, misunderstood.

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I.

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On top of that, expected to perform

to some kind of different standard.

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That's a recipe for disaster.

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It's miscommunication from all sides.

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It's, it's on us.

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We have to understand that we all do

different roles in different contexts.

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We can have highly

specialized training for that.

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And once we're outta that context,

we are just another human being.

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And human beings alone

are inherently vulnerable.

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We're not designed for that.

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We design to network connect,

find where we belong, and

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actually function as a community.

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And this is where we, especially in

21st century, where we still have a

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loneliness, epidemic, epidemic going

on, where we still haven't fully

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understood the importance of supporting

and building communities and the

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standards and values that come with that.

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This is where we are going

wrong at a fundamental level.

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Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's so sad

when we really think about this because

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really we're all after the same thing.

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We wanna be connected, we want to

be seen, we wanna be heard, we want

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to be together, but by, in a way,

forcing the military person to.

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Put on one suit while they are active

and then to come into a completely

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different, world, like, let's be honest

and try to fit or take off your suit and

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then try to fit into this world that is.

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I would think for all intents and

purposes, when you come out of the

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theater of active duty, everything

just seems so mundane, so paltry, not

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no import, it's not life and death.

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And would it be maybe right or

on the right track to say that?

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The, soup of hormones and dopamine

and adrenaline and all of those

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things that you face on a daily

basis when you are serving.

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Not having that in the real world then

forces you to find the real world.

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Boring.

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It's, beige, it's cardboard.

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It's just so lacking and

that I think it's, yeah.

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Boredom I think is the most

dangerous state to be in

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David Amerland: it's interesting you

use the word boredom and essentially

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boredom means lack of stimulus or

certainly a reduction in stimulus

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that receive from the external world.

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, We know for a fact that the people serving

in any capacity, even if they don't see

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active duty, because of the constant task

orientated, very disciplined approach,

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they have to, things have a different

baseline of arousal in their brain.

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So when you put them into a problem,

their immediate go-to mode is to break

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it down into tasks and tackle those

tasks in a sequence and bring about

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the outcome that they expect to have.

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And if they don't get the outcome,

they sort of tackle it again

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and they do the same thing.

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And, that essentially is , in a nutshell,

the kind of discipline that you get from

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the military mindset where the whole

thing is that you are a problem solver,

310

: 00:22:17

some description, and you have to apply

that to the problems that you face.

311

: 00:22:22

We get into the non-military world

and things are a little bit looser.

312

: 00:22:29

The lack of focus is certainly

evident in that, you can

313

: 00:22:33

tackle several things at once.

314

: 00:22:34

Nothing seems of to be

of the same priority.

315

: 00:22:37

It's very hard to prioritize and

nobody seems to be aware of the

316

: 00:22:42

sequence of things to be done.

317

: 00:22:43

People will do things in a

haphazard, haphazard way.

318

: 00:22:46

Yeah, and certainly when I talk to

people who have come outta the military

319

: 00:22:50

and they're new to saving life.

320

: 00:22:52

They find it chaotic and they

can't understand how people

321

: 00:22:55

function in that environment.

322

: 00:22:56

Yeah.

323

: 00:22:57

That, again, is on us.

324

: 00:22:58

When we bring astronauts down

from space, there is a period of

325

: 00:23:03

decompression where they have to

get reintegrated into city life.

326

: 00:23:08

Why?

327

: 00:23:08

Because in space.

328

: 00:23:11

There is so zero room for error

essentially, and things are done in a

329

: 00:23:17

very rigorous, systematic, and disciplined

way, and that becomes their way of life.

330

: 00:23:23

And when they come back down to

earth, in order for them to preserve

331

: 00:23:26

their mental health, they have

to get reintegrated gradually.

332

: 00:23:30

And this is astronauts.

333

: 00:23:32

They don't have to face active duty.

334

: 00:23:33

Nobody's shooting at them.

335

: 00:23:35

They're not shooting at anybody else.

336

: 00:23:37

So now we take people who potentially

have been trained to kill, maybe placed

337

: 00:23:42

in a situation where they might be

killed, and everything that implies the

338

: 00:23:46

stress, the chaos, they have to deal

with the systems that have to apply,

339

: 00:23:49

the solutions that have to put in place,

and then we bring them to civil life

340

: 00:23:53

and think, you're outta the war zone.

341

: 00:23:55

You should be happy.

342

: 00:23:56

Yes, but they're also changed and

we refuse to acknowledge that.

343

: 00:24:00

And a lot of the problems that we

see is because of the refusal of

344

: 00:24:03

that acknowledgement, they're not

exactly the same as the rest of us.

345

: 00:24:08

They need help in reintegrating, and I use

the word help in a very, generic sense.

346

: 00:24:12

Yeah.

347

: 00:24:13

They need some systems,

they need some assistance.

348

: 00:24:15

They need some time.

349

: 00:24:16

They need some kind of

structure around all that.

350

: 00:24:18

And I know there are things they

can access, but again, it's like

351

: 00:24:23

they have to break down first.

352

: 00:24:25

And I think that's, again, in a

realistic situation, we have to

353

: 00:24:29

have , a problem when we could have

had a solution that would prevent

354

: 00:24:33

the problem in the first place.

355

: 00:24:35

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: So technically

there should be a decompression

356

: 00:24:38

timeframe for people that serve.

357

: 00:24:42

And funny enough, as you were talking,

I'm thinking people coming out of jail.

358

: 00:24:49

Have something in place.

359

: 00:24:51

They have halfway houses and then they're

reintegrated somewhat into society, but at

360

: 00:24:58

least it's something between the complete

structure of the day and the evening and

361

: 00:25:05

night that one finds in jail and then

to be thrown out into the real world.

362

: 00:25:12

Yeah, no wonder the, rate of recidivism

is as high as it is because That's right.

363

: 00:25:19

Yeah.

364

: 00:25:19

There's just, there's no rhyme

or reason in the real world.

365

: 00:25:24

David Amerland: Yeah.

366

: 00:25:24

In that context, they're

institutionalized, which means essentially

367

: 00:25:27

what the brain becomes accustomed.

368

: 00:25:31

To specific patterns of operation,

specific stimuli to which they respond

369

: 00:25:36

and then suddenly they're placed in

an environment where those things

370

: 00:25:40

go away, where the structure around

them that supported them goes away.

371

: 00:25:44

They're on their own, they're

unassisted, they feel cut off,

372

: 00:25:49

they feel misunderstood, and

the situation is very similar.

373

: 00:25:53

And all these contexts we're

discussing, the problem is the same.

374

: 00:25:57

We fail to acknowledge changes which

happen internally because we can't

375

: 00:26:01

see them and we only address them

when they are expressed externally

376

: 00:26:06

through usually, antisocial

behavior or self-harming behavior.

377

: 00:26:09

You know, that kind of thing.

378

: 00:26:14

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: If we

changed even our health approach.

379

: 00:26:21

To being proactive as opposed to

reactive and working on keeping us

380

: 00:26:28

healthy rather than making us well

again, which is where we're at.

381

: 00:26:36

And adding structure of, I realize

, it's not as cut and dried as that,

382

: 00:26:41

but basically , having a time period

like that, that, of an astronaut

383

: 00:26:46

having something that's that in

between time that allows to become

384

: 00:26:53

assimilated into regular life.

385

: 00:26:56

But I think part of it is we

need more structure day to

386

: 00:27:05

day just for humans, period.

387

: 00:27:10

Okay.

388

: 00:27:10

If you look at.

389

: 00:27:12

I don't know.

390

: 00:27:13

I don't care.

391

: 00:27:14

Zebras or squirrels or whatever.

392

: 00:27:18

Even the animals have more

structure than we do it.

393

: 00:27:23

Life is not as chaotic as we make it.

394

: 00:27:30

David Amerland: Yes.

395

: 00:27:30

Which is bizarre.

396

: 00:27:33

Yeah, apex predators,

we have the privilege.

397

: 00:27:38

To function in any environment

we choose, and usually any kind

398

: 00:27:43

of animal has a very specific.

399

: 00:27:46

Environment.

400

: 00:27:48

And that environment creates structure

because it has a dynamic, it has seasonal

401

: 00:27:51

turns, it has times when the food is

plenty and times the food is scarce and

402

: 00:27:56

the water sources go in different places.

403

: 00:27:58

There is a structure which they

follow and that's part of their

404

: 00:28:02

life, part of their survival.

405

: 00:28:04

We are planetary dominant species,

so we have taken over the planet.

406

: 00:28:11

We function in a new

environment almost at will.

407

: 00:28:15

We can go to the bottom of the

sea, you can go to, , depth of

408

: 00:28:17

space and everywhere in between.

409

: 00:28:20

And we do that because of the

capability of our technology

410

: 00:28:24

and the power of our brain.

411

: 00:28:27

At the same time, we fail to grasp, but

every time we change environment, we

412

: 00:28:32

expose ourselves to potential stimuli

for which we are not really prepared.

413

: 00:28:36

And if we go back to the example of

the astronauts, for example, they

414

: 00:28:39

have tremendous training on earth.

415

: 00:28:43

On how to function in space.

416

: 00:28:45

They go into isolation chambers, they

go into suspended , gravity by either

417

: 00:28:50

falling from from, the atmosphere in

order to simulate wait lists in space

418

: 00:28:56

or living at the bottom of the ocean.

419

: 00:28:58

So we prepare them rigorously for

that environment where they're going

420

: 00:29:02

to live in for a very short time.

421

: 00:29:06

We don't take the same

kind of preparation.

422

: 00:29:08

For most of us, when we change

neighborhoods, for example, change

423

: 00:29:11

countries, and we have culture shocks.

424

: 00:29:13

Yeah, that totally amens us.

425

: 00:29:16

There is a phenomenon which has

been documented of westerners

426

: 00:29:19

going to India on an extended

holiday and losing their identity.

427

: 00:29:22

Literally, they forget who they

are, they forget why they exist.

428

: 00:29:27

It's a magical phenomenon.

429

: 00:29:29

So because the culture

shock is so profound.

430

: 00:29:32

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

431

: 00:29:36

That.

432

: 00:29:36

Yeah, that, that makes perfect sense.

433

: 00:29:40

The advent of social media, , that

had to chuck a whole bunch of spanners

434

: 00:29:46

in the works because none of us

had that kind of access to others.

435

: 00:29:56

The way social media made

everything so immediate.

436

: 00:29:59

Now, you and I have had talks before

about the good side of social media

437

: 00:30:05

and just what Google Plus did for us

and many other people on the bad side.

438

: 00:30:12

It came, it really did

come at us so quickly.

439

: 00:30:17

People didn't realize how

detrimental it could be to young.

440

: 00:30:23

Minds that are not fully shaped yet

to, children that don't have the

441

: 00:30:29

mental capacity to understand that

not everything they see is real.

442

: 00:30:36

And that's not even counting on adults

that are constantly being, having the

443

: 00:30:42

wool pulled over their eyes and getting

scammed and hacked and what have you.

444

: 00:30:48

I guess again, that's a very human thing.

445

: 00:30:51

We have the capacity, to be tricksters,

, to be narcissistic, to go after what we

446

: 00:31:02

want, often at the expense of others.

447

: 00:31:06

And that too, I think, plays well,

not just men's mental health, but

448

: 00:31:12

on the side of men's mental health.

449

: 00:31:15

It has to be a really big thorn in

the shoe of people who look at it and

450

: 00:31:26

immediately feel comparison, feel that

they somehow or other are falling short.

451

: 00:31:33

They don't meet the requirements

that they're seeing in front of them.

452

: 00:31:38

And because men are so silent.

453

: 00:31:43

Supposed to be strong, that

has to be a hell of a soup

454

: 00:31:46

that's going on in men's minds.

455

: 00:31:51

David Amerland: Absolutely.

456

: 00:31:52

And I'm glad you brought this up.

457

: 00:31:54

Social media is still new to us, , but

right now had quite a bit of time

458

: 00:31:59

under our belt to see its effects.

459

: 00:32:03

And it does a lot of good things.

460

: 00:32:05

It shrinks the world.

461

: 00:32:05

It breaks down barriers,

gives us access to knowledge.

462

: 00:32:08

It allows us to network.

463

: 00:32:10

It allows us to find friends when

finding friends is difficult.

464

: 00:32:14

At the same time, it produces

something called context collapse.

465

: 00:32:19

We find meaning in what we see because of

the context it actually takes place in.

466

: 00:32:25

And social media is fantastic and its

ability to take things out of context

467

: 00:32:29

and present them to us so we have an

emotional response to what we are saying.

468

: 00:32:35

But lacking context, we don't

understand the meaning of it.

469

: 00:32:38

So we end up reacting emotionally to

the stimulus without truly being able

470

: 00:32:43

to prioritize that for us, without being

able to understand what it truly means for

471

: 00:32:48

us without having the luxury of time to

process it and understand its impact on

472

: 00:32:54

us at a deep level, at the that level of

memories and knowledge and comprehension.

473

: 00:33:00

And that's the danger of that.

474

: 00:33:04

Every time we are exposed to any kind

of danger, we find ways to get rounded.

475

: 00:33:10

It takes time.

476

: 00:33:11

And we are still young in our use of

social media in that regard, but as

477

: 00:33:17

we are talking, we are probably the

last, our generation that is growing up

478

: 00:33:22

without having access to social media.

479

: 00:33:24

Yeah.

480

: 00:33:25

And the ones coming after.

481

: 00:33:27

Us and the ones after them will

evolve their own tactics and their

482

: 00:33:32

own defenses in order to reap the

benefits of what they use and mitigate

483

: 00:33:38

A lot of its bad impact at the moment.

484

: 00:33:41

The impact is certainly there.

485

: 00:33:42

It creates a lot of anxiety in young men.

486

: 00:33:45

I think it creates a lot of

confusion in adolescence.

487

: 00:33:49

Definitely the comparison factor is

one of the issues which you mentioned.

488

: 00:33:54

But those existed before in a smaller

form before we reached the digital domain.

489

: 00:34:00

And this has only amplified it.

490

: 00:34:02

So in the past, we found ways

to guide people through that.

491

: 00:34:10

And I'm sure that through, the next

five years as we evolve, we'll find

492

: 00:34:16

very clear guidelines of how to navigate

the digital world as we grow up.

493

: 00:34:22

Without it impacting us the way it does.

494

: 00:34:30

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah.

495

: 00:34:30

Because I think, an awful lot of it is

scary and I'm already seeing with some

496

: 00:34:36

of my grandkids that Gen Z are, they're

finding ways to distance themselves.

497

: 00:34:49

To acknowledge that not all

of this is good, which I find

498

: 00:34:53

really interesting because they

do it better than millennials.

499

: 00:35:01

Millennials kinda had one foot in each

camp, and it depended on where they

500

: 00:35:09

chose to land, how much of it they find

good, and how much of it is difficult.

501

: 00:35:18

We, I don't think there has ever been

a generation that is I wanna say it's

502

: 00:35:24

almost like they're on rubber bands.

503

: 00:35:25

They keep going home.

504

: 00:35:28

Like

505

: 00:35:30

I, I didn't see that in generations before

me, and certainly not in my generation.

506

: 00:35:37

Okay, once you left home, that's it.

507

: 00:35:39

You're on your own.

508

: 00:35:40

Okay?

509

: 00:35:40

You're an adult, go do your thing.

510

: 00:35:43

And even Gen X, to, most extent

they've done that as well.

511

: 00:35:49

You, there are some that end up

having to go home again, but it's

512

: 00:35:52

not a consideration as with a

lot of millennials it is for them

513

: 00:35:58

a big consideration right now.

514

: 00:36:00

Trying to buy a house for

a millennial is a big deal.

515

: 00:36:04

Things are not what they once were.

516

: 00:36:07

And part of their life plans.

517

: 00:36:10

I hear an awful lot of young men

and young women who will, , through

518

: 00:36:14

my twenties, I'll just, when I

go to school, when I do whatever,

519

: 00:36:17

I'm just gonna stay at my parents.

520

: 00:36:20

And I don't think anybody in my age

group would have thought that was

521

: 00:36:28

viable, nor would their parents.

522

: 00:36:34

David Amerland: Absolutely.

523

: 00:36:34

I think

524

: 00:36:35

one of the thing, yes, I think one of the

things which are evident at the moment is

525

: 00:36:41

we're going through a transition period.

526

: 00:36:44

Things are changing.

527

: 00:36:44

They're changing fundamentally across the

board in so many different areas that it's

528

: 00:36:49

very hard to keep track of the effect of

all that change collectively is that it

529

: 00:36:55

increases significantly our perception

, of uncertainty about the future.

530

: 00:37:00

And for young people growing up

right now, the effect of that is that

531

: 00:37:06

they tend to sometimes lose hope.

532

: 00:37:09

And they certainly feel

under a lot of stress.

533

: 00:37:11

A lot of pressure.

534

: 00:37:12

I was reading a study carried out by

McKenzie, the McKenzie group from,

535

: 00:37:19

they used six and a half thousand

different respondents from five

536

: 00:37:22

different countries, and they looked

at Gen Zers and millennials, and

537

: 00:37:27

they founded Gen Zers in general.

538

: 00:37:30

Face more anxiety, face more

stress, are more acutely aware

539

: 00:37:33

of their need to access wellness.

540

: 00:37:36

They try to focus on their sleep.

541

: 00:37:38

They try to focus on their health,

and they're relatively young.

542

: 00:37:41

They're at, , they're very young.

543

: 00:37:43

They're at an age where generations

before didn't even consider those

544

: 00:37:47

things because they felt okay.

545

: 00:37:49

So this kind of self-awareness

and the willingness to reach

546

: 00:37:54

for some kind of solution.

547

: 00:37:56

I think it's extremely hopeful.

548

: 00:38:00

It's very encouraging.

549

: 00:38:01

We are seeing them put in place the

defenses, the strategies, the mechanisms

550

: 00:38:06

that will allow them to navigate

successfully in the years to come.

551

: 00:38:10

A world that right now appears

very chaotic, and this is

552

: 00:38:14

just the beginning for them.

553

: 00:38:18

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yeah,

that, that's absolutely true.

554

: 00:38:20

An awful lot of the Gen

Zs, they do consider.

555

: 00:38:24

Mental health is not a

foreign concept to them.

556

: 00:38:28

And, taking time, yes, getting enough

sleep, taking time taking time because

557

: 00:38:34

you're starting to feel burnt out.

558

: 00:38:37

And the other thing that I, I find

really fascinating is exposed because

559

: 00:38:42

of everything else that has gone

before, none of them look at career

560

: 00:38:49

as meaning working in one place.

561

: 00:38:52

Hmm.

562

: 00:38:53

Which I find absolutely fascinating.

563

: 00:38:56

And , that brings me to

the book for the young men.

564

: 00:39:02

Okay.

565

: 00:39:03

There, there's stuff in here

that talks about like harmony and

566

: 00:39:07

happy hour and, all the additional

pieces that make for a good life.

567

: 00:39:16

Never before.

568

: 00:39:17

Like I find the book really interesting

because before when you got a book

569

: 00:39:22

that talked about physicality and,

and looking after what was phys ed and

570

: 00:39:30

you know, your body, making sure that

it functioned at its best and what

571

: 00:39:34

have you, didn't consider any of what

people might consider more esoteric.

572

: 00:39:43

Pursuits that really no one used

to consider your mental health.

573

: 00:39:50

No one used to consider,

are you happy enough?

574

: 00:39:53

Do you spend enough time every day

being grateful for what you have?

575

: 00:40:00

Do you have a meditation practice?

576

: 00:40:03

Do you do yoga?

577

: 00:40:04

Like what do you, what do

you do to decompress that?

578

: 00:40:08

All of these things are.

579

: 00:40:11

A little newfangled, and I love

the way it's all there in the book.

580

: 00:40:17

And as a matter of fact, like

on the back it says, stronger,

581

: 00:40:22

healthier, happier for life.

582

: 00:40:26

And I think that's such a,

583

: 00:40:30

such a timely concept to put

it all together because this.

584

: 00:40:38

Funny enough goes back to SEO.

585

: 00:40:41

Okay.

586

: 00:40:42

Years ago when we switched from

Boolean to contextual search, I

587

: 00:40:50

got in the habit of talking about

everything I did was integrated.

588

: 00:40:55

It had to be congruent.

589

: 00:40:57

You had to pull it all together.

590

: 00:40:59

And by that I meant

also your mental state.

591

: 00:41:04

And here the book is

addressing all of those things.

592

: 00:41:09

So it's

593

: 00:41:18

YouMatter Song Lyrics: When

moving forward seems too much.

594

: 00:41:25

When you feel totally out of touch,

595

: 00:41:35

out the door, you find yourself.

596

: 00:41:38

Curled on the floor.

597

: 00:41:48

The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

598

: 00:41:55

Why is this brain so darkly obsessed?

599

: 00:42:03

I've secrets I've never confessed.

600

: 00:42:10

Haven't told a soul,

601

: 00:42:14

I'm depressed.

602

: 00:42:17

A gentle whisper through the pain.

603

: 00:42:21

Remember rainbows, follow,

rain breathe deeply.

604

: 00:42:26

Hold on.

605

: 00:42:27

tight Your hope will

return shining bright.

606

: 00:42:40

Embrace the now release the

past In Forgiveness, peace

607

: 00:42:47

will last You matter

deeply you're not alone.

608

: 00:42:50

Reach out.

609

: 00:42:50

Let your strength be shown.

610

: 00:43:01

When moving forward seems too much.

611

: 00:43:08

When you feel totally out of touch,

612

: 00:43:18

out the door, you find yourself.

613

: 00:43:21

Curled on the floor.

614

: 00:43:31

The thoughts swirl around

all jumbled and messed.

615

: 00:43:38

Why is this brain so darkly obsessed?

616

: 00:43:45

I've secrets I've never confessed.

617

: 00:43:52

Haven't told a soul,

618

: 00:43:57

I'm depressed.

619

: 00:44:00

A gentle whisper through the pain.

620

: 00:44:04

Remember rainbows, follow,

rain breathe deeply.

621

: 00:44:09

Hold on.

622

: 00:44:10

tight Your hope will

return shining bright.

623

: 00:44:23

Embrace the now release the

past In Forgiveness, peace

624

: 00:44:30

will last You matter

deeply you're not alone.

625

: 00:44:32

Reach out.

626

: 00:44:33

Let your strength be shown.

627

: 00:44:36

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

optimizing the human

628

: 00:44:41

David Amerland: pretty much.

629

: 00:44:41

Yes.

630

: 00:44:42

I love the way you, you

brought it all together.

631

: 00:44:44

We have talked in the world of

business and even in, in SEO forever.

632

: 00:44:50

Yeah, about the who and the why, and we

said, if you don't know who you are as

633

: 00:44:55

a business, there's no chance in hell

that you're really going to find your

634

: 00:44:59

customers because you don't know how

to talk to them because you don't know

635

: 00:45:03

what to talk to them really truly about.

636

: 00:45:07

And if you don't know who you are,

then clearly you don't also know

637

: 00:45:10

why you're doing what you're doing.

638

: 00:45:13

And this is so fundamental in everything.

639

: 00:45:15

It's fundamental in fitness, it's

fundamental in mental health.

640

: 00:45:18

It's fundamental in happiness.

641

: 00:45:21

We certainly struggle, and this is

again going back to the men's health

642

: 00:45:26

thing, with our identity, we struggle

to understand who we are and when we

643

: 00:45:31

struggle to understand who we are.

644

: 00:45:34

We grasp past straws.

645

: 00:45:36

We try to become what the

world expects us to be.

646

: 00:45:39

We try to be strong.

647

: 00:45:40

We try to be silent.

648

: 00:45:41

We try to be successful.

649

: 00:45:42

We try to appear that, you know, we

have this material wealth and cold

650

: 00:45:47

veneer that we think people expect

us to have, and it's killing us.

651

: 00:45:53

It's too much effort.

652

: 00:45:54

It's unsustainable, it's fragile.

653

: 00:45:57

It will break at the first stress test.

654

: 00:46:01

So really.

655

: 00:46:02

The answer to most things

is to look inside ourselves.

656

: 00:46:06

And, uh, who we are is an evolution.

657

: 00:46:09

It doesn't stay exactly the same.

658

: 00:46:12

Parts of it do, but parts

of it constantly evolve.

659

: 00:46:15

And why we do things is also a

reflection of that evolutionary arc.

660

: 00:46:21

But the moment we are in touch with that,

then we are okay with the changes and that

661

: 00:46:26

gives us grit, that gives us resilience.

662

: 00:46:29

That allows us to bend and not break,

that allows us to navigate difficult

663

: 00:46:34

situations without falling apart.

664

: 00:46:37

It allows us to face uncertainty

without feeling crippling fear,

665

: 00:46:45

and it starts so simply by asking

ourselves, who am I really, truly?

666

: 00:46:50

And answering honestly, we can

all lie, especially to ourselves,

667

: 00:46:55

but the moment we are honest.

668

: 00:46:57

It's a game changer.

669

: 00:47:02

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna:

Oh, that, that's so good.

670

: 00:47:05

So good and so true.

671

: 00:47:07

And in, in a way, it's funny, but

it does all come back to integration

672

: 00:47:17

without the physical piece, without the

emotional piece, the mental health piece

673

: 00:47:23

is never going to be what it should be.

674

: 00:47:25

And vice versa, put any one of them at the

top and all the others must come together

675

: 00:47:34

in a way to allow you to function well.

676

: 00:47:39

David Amerland: Yeah, absolutely.

677

: 00:47:40

And when you say function well,

I mean, what do we mean by that?

678

: 00:47:43

Really, let's quantify that.

679

: 00:47:45

We all have X amount of energy in us.

680

: 00:47:48

That's all it is.

681

: 00:47:50

Another amount of energy is allocated

into things we want to do, things

682

: 00:47:53

we have to do, and a little bit of

energy to deal with the unexpected,

683

: 00:47:57

which is kind of there all the time.

684

: 00:48:00

So if we want to function well,

truly, and we don't have any

685

: 00:48:06

more energy, this is all we have.

686

: 00:48:08

And the external world

is more and more complex.

687

: 00:48:11

So let's say part of the unexpected,

especially in our times, is going to take

688

: 00:48:15

more and more and more of our energy.

689

: 00:48:17

And we can't find anything extra.

690

: 00:48:19

So the only thing we can do is to lower

the daily energetic cost of existing,

691

: 00:48:26

and the only way we can truly do that

is by living our truth, by being us.

692

: 00:48:32

If you know who you are, you don't

have to mentally struggle all

693

: 00:48:35

the time to understand what is

expected of you and how to project

694

: 00:48:39

it because you know who you are.

695

: 00:48:42

If you know why you're doing the things

you're doing well, there's no struggle

696

: 00:48:46

on why should I do this or why should

I do that, or how to prioritize these

697

: 00:48:50

things because it's already clear to you.

698

: 00:48:53

And if we take something as mundane as

marketing, for instance, well if you

699

: 00:48:57

know who you are and why you're doing

things, you marketing message is simple.

700

: 00:49:00

You don't have to have sort of,

uh, brainstorming sessions and,

701

: 00:49:04

uh, focus groups and you know,

different trials and AB testing.

702

: 00:49:08

All the nonsense we go

through when we are not sure.

703

: 00:49:13

So let's break it down to the individual.

704

: 00:49:16

Give yourself the space required

to deal with the unexpected without

705

: 00:49:20

breaking by, making life easier for you.

706

: 00:49:23

Understand who you are,

structure your life accordingly.

707

: 00:49:26

Understand why you're doing those things.

708

: 00:49:28

Seek the clarity that comes with that,

and suddenly some things become easier.

709

: 00:49:32

Everyday living becomes

a little bit easier.

710

: 00:49:35

I'm not saying it's easy ever, but

it's easier, which means you have

711

: 00:49:39

margin now to deal with the unexpected.

712

: 00:49:41

That's living Well,

that's what you just said.

713

: 00:49:45

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: It's so true.

714

: 00:49:45

And, and by finding out who you

are and then living into that,

715

: 00:49:55

it takes a whole lot less effort

716

: 00:49:59

and building something that you

think you ought to be doing,

717

: 00:50:03

what you think you ought to do,

and hating every moment of it.

718

: 00:50:08

Because then when you, when you need

some extra moments, you don't have

719

: 00:50:14

that reserve 'cause you wasted it

all trying to be this other thing.

720

: 00:50:20

And some of us takes a little

longer to figure that out.

721

: 00:50:25

But once you get there I will say

it's pretty cool to know who you

722

: 00:50:32

are and what you're capable of.

723

: 00:50:36

And more importantly,

724

: 00:50:39

celebrate that.

725

: 00:50:42

Celebrate

726

: 00:50:42

David Amerland: embracing who

727

: 00:50:43

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: you are.

728

: 00:50:44

Celebrate knowing who you are and

celebrate the things that you know

729

: 00:50:50

you do well, because I've said

this forever, every single human on

730

: 00:50:58

the planet has at least one thing.

731

: 00:51:01

They excel at.

732

: 00:51:04

And it isn't necessarily what you think.

733

: 00:51:08

It may not be what you thought you wanted

to excel at, but the fact is there is

734

: 00:51:14

something that you are the very best at.

735

: 00:51:19

You know what?

736

: 00:51:20

Celebrate that.

737

: 00:51:25

David Amerland: I, I'll

definitely second that.

738

: 00:51:26

Absolutely.

739

: 00:51:28

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: Yes.

740

: 00:51:28

Yay.

741

: 00:51:31

So in wrapping up our, our theme here, I

hope we, we did men's mental health, uh,

742

: 00:51:37

some justice here, but what are, let's

see, what are three things from your book

743

: 00:51:46

that you think it would be beneficial

for men to incorporate into their day?

744

: 00:51:55

Keeping in mind that, and it

doesn't have to be mental health

745

: 00:51:59

because everything we do that

integrates will actually help that.

746

: 00:52:05

David Amerland: Definitely.

747

: 00:52:06

Okay.

748

: 00:52:06

Just three things.

749

: 00:52:07

Okay.

750

: 00:52:07

Let's think about that.

751

: 00:52:08

The first thing is breathe more deeply.

752

: 00:52:12

We tend to get stressed.

753

: 00:52:14

We don't realize we're stressed.

754

: 00:52:15

Yeah, we take shallow breaths.

755

: 00:52:17

A cascade of events happens because

of that tightness in the chest,

756

: 00:52:21

less oxygen in the bloodstream.

757

: 00:52:23

More cortisol and bloodstream.

758

: 00:52:25

Cortisol affects us in so many different

ways from shutting down after a

759

: 00:52:29

certain threshold is reached the higher

analytical centers of the brain to sort

760

: 00:52:34

of affecting the body's energy pathway.

761

: 00:52:37

So we don't access the glucose we

do have, and we eat food and we put

762

: 00:52:40

weight on, and that destroys our

image of ourselves and how effective

763

: 00:52:44

we are, you know, all those things.

764

: 00:52:45

So all those things can be addressed.

765

: 00:52:48

By just breathing deeply

after every situation.

766

: 00:52:51

It allows us to decompress.

767

: 00:52:53

It allows us to be aware of our own body.

768

: 00:52:55

It allows us to feel in control,

which is very important and allows

769

: 00:53:00

us to be grounded in the moment

because we're taking deep breaths

770

: 00:53:03

and then slowly ex excelling.

771

: 00:53:05

So if we get into that habit.

772

: 00:53:07

That's a great thing to do and certainly

when we get into a stressful situation,

773

: 00:53:10

extra deep breaths absolutely nail it.

774

: 00:53:14

So that's one good thing to keep in mind.

775

: 00:53:16

Second thing, socialize, and I

don't mean go to parties, have

776

: 00:53:22

meaningful relationships with people.

777

: 00:53:25

Maybe you have one or two people in

your life which you prioritize because

778

: 00:53:29

their connection with you elevates

you and you in turn elevate them.

779

: 00:53:34

We know from countless studies now

that this impacts positively our,

780

: 00:53:38

our mental and physical health to

the extent that sometimes it adds

781

: 00:53:42

up to five extra years in our life.

782

: 00:53:44

That simple thing, find those people.

783

: 00:53:48

It's not easy.

784

: 00:53:49

You have to find a friend.

785

: 00:53:50

It has to be a meaningful connection.

786

: 00:53:52

You have to try and raise

them when they need raising.

787

: 00:53:55

Listen, when they need

listening, and also be.

788

: 00:53:59

Re reciprocate that by

being open in return.

789

: 00:54:02

Being vulnerable again is not easy, but

if you do, if you go into that effort,

790

: 00:54:08

you get rewarded in turn by finding

somebody who has your back and you have

791

: 00:54:13

their back and you feel way less alone.

792

: 00:54:16

That's the second thing.

793

: 00:54:17

So socializing.

794

: 00:54:18

Second thing, and the third

thing, fix your sleep.

795

: 00:54:22

It doesn't matter really, truly how

many hours of sleep you get a night.

796

: 00:54:27

I mean, it does, but let's say it doesn't.

797

: 00:54:29

Ideally, what does matter is the

quality of sleep you get in those hours.

798

: 00:54:35

So if you manage to get deep rejuvenating

sleep every night, you reset your mind

799

: 00:54:41

and you reset your body, and that's

a good basis to start a new day with.

800

: 00:54:46

Most of us go to bed, we check our

phones, we check our tablets, we

801

: 00:54:49

think about things we toss and turn.

802

: 00:54:51

We spend a couple of hours not sleeping

in bed, and then we kind of fall asleep

803

: 00:54:57

and our brain is already agitated.

804

: 00:55:00

We don't get good quality sleep.

805

: 00:55:02

Change that button.

806

: 00:55:03

Your phone in bed shouldn't be there.

807

: 00:55:05

Your tablet in bed shouldn't be there.

808

: 00:55:06

And I know some people can manage it,

so when I say this in a prescriptive

809

: 00:55:11

way, impacts on them and they resist it.

810

: 00:55:14

But a lot of people cannot manage it.

811

: 00:55:17

So exceptions aside.

812

: 00:55:20

Let's make it a rule.

813

: 00:55:21

And then those people who

can't manage it well they can

814

: 00:55:24

definitely do with this help.

815

: 00:55:26

And those people who can manage it will

not feel severely deprived, I'm sure.

816

: 00:55:30

Absolutely.

817

: 00:55:31

So if you do those three things straight

from the book, you're going to feel

818

: 00:55:34

better in your mind, your body, and

your emotional and psychological health.

819

: 00:55:40

Elaine @TheDarkPollyanna: That is so good.

820

: 00:55:41

And this is something maybe

a little different for men.

821

: 00:55:46

I find that.

822

: 00:55:48

I repeat three.

823

: 00:55:51

Well, one's a gratitude, one's a

clearing, and one's a what I aspire to.

824

: 00:55:57

Tomorrow I have three little

sentences that I just read through

825

: 00:56:02

every night before I go to sleep.

826

: 00:56:04

Now I am going to confess here

I have my phone by the bed, but

827

: 00:56:10

not for checking stuff because.

828

: 00:56:14

I didn't have my phone all morning.

829

: 00:56:16

I was, I was out and realized,

oh, my phone must have fallen

830

: 00:56:21

down between the seats in the car.

831

: 00:56:23

Like I don't really care at night.

832

: 00:56:26

I use it for meditations because

unfortunately I sleep with, you've

833

: 00:56:32

probably heard him because you

were only half a world away.

834

: 00:56:37

Uh, my husband snores

somewhat like a freight train.

835

: 00:56:40

And I started with earbuds

years and years ago.

836

: 00:56:44

Just, you know, like those things

that they give you to put in your

837

: 00:56:47

ears if you're standing in front

of a jet plane or something.

838

: 00:56:52

And it morphed into doing

my meditations overnight.

839

: 00:56:56

And we actually play music for the dogs.

840

: 00:57:01

It's calming music for the dog.

841

: 00:57:03

So that's why those are in there.

842

: 00:57:06

But yeah, I don't scroll before bed.

843

: 00:57:08

I don't scroll when I

get up in the morning.

844

: 00:57:11

It's not, it was never my habit, so I

didn't allow it to become a habit now.

845

: 00:57:19

And I think if a lot of people,

if you can't do it without

846

: 00:57:24

scrolling, leave it in the kitchen.

847

: 00:57:26

Leave it in the living room, put it

somewhere that you're not gonna get that.

848

: 00:57:31

That weird fake light.

849

: 00:57:34

In your face while you're trying to sleep.

850

: 00:57:37

'cause that's definitely

not useful for sure.

851

: 00:57:42

I have to say that first off, I'm gonna

do this now and see it without any, uh.

852

: 00:57:49

Without any, oh, there's a ring on there.

853

: 00:57:51

I'm so sorry.

854

: 00:57:53

I will add this to the

information down below.

855

: 00:57:57

In the transcripts, we'll tell you exactly

where you can get David's book built to

856

: 00:58:02

last, how to get stronger, healthier,

and happier at every stage of life.

857

: 00:58:08

And I honestly believe that

being happier is important.

858

: 00:58:14

I also believe that to

do all of those things.

859

: 00:58:18

It's our choice.

860

: 00:58:21

So step up, deep breath, deep breathing

is absolutely super important.

861

: 00:58:27

Socialize with the right

people for the right aim.

862

: 00:58:31

And the third one was except.

863

: 00:58:35

Except when you can't get rid of all

those things and get really good sleep

864

: 00:58:41

there.

865

: 00:58:42

I got all three.

866

: 00:58:43

David, I cannot thank you enough.

867

: 00:58:46

Once again for, thank you for giving

us so much to think about and, we will

868

: 00:58:52

return with David for sure because he's

always got wonderful things to say.

869

: 00:58:58

I'll make sure that all of the

information you need to get in touch

870

: 00:59:02

with David is right below along with the

transcript and I want everyone to pay

871

: 00:59:08

attention to Men's Mental Health Month.

872

: 00:59:13

Make sure that you try to see

and hear the men in your life.

873

: 00:59:19

Reach out and tell people

you are willing to listen.

874

: 00:59:24

I've actually told my husband and other

people in my life, I will duct tape my

875

: 00:59:30

mouth because I will listen, not talk,

but sometimes that's what people need.

876

: 00:59:36

They just need your ears.

877

: 00:59:38

They don't want your mouth.

878

: 00:59:40

And on that lovely note.

879

: 00:59:43

Thank you again, David.

880

: 00:59:44

I'm Elaine Lindsay.

881

: 00:59:46

This is suicide and forgiveness.

882

: 00:59:49

Make the very best of

your today, every day.

883

: 00:59:53

We'll see you next time.

884

: 00:59:54

Thank you very much for having me.

885

: 00:59:56

Thank you.

886

: 00:59:56

Bye-bye.

887

: 00:59:57

Wonderful to have you.

888

: 01:00:01

Thank you for being here for

another inspiring episode

889

: 01:00:04

of Suicide Zen Forgiveness.

890

: 01:00:05

We appreciate you tuning in.

891

: 01:00:08

Please subscribe and download on your

favorite service and check out S'S

892

: 01:00:12

YouTube channel or Facebook community.

893

: 01:00:14

If you have the chance to leave

a five star rating or review,

894

: 01:00:17

it'd be greatly appreciated.

895

: 01:00:19

Please refer this to a friend you

know who may benefit from the hope

896

: 01:00:23

and inspiration from our guests.

897

: 01:00:25

Suicide Zen Forgiveness was brought

to you by the following sponsors.

898

: 01:00:30

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integration specialists.

899

: 01:00:34

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900

: 01:00:37

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motivational speaker, comedian, author,

901

: 01:00:42

and standup coach at Second City.

902

: 01:00:44

Judy has been involved for over

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903

: 01:00:47

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904

: 01:00:51

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905

: 01:00:53

Do you know someone you think

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906

: 01:00:57

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907

: 01:01:00

and for our American listeners,

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908

: 01:01:04

Thank you for listening and we hope.

909

: 01:01:05

To see you again